Convention

When I was younger than you are now, I decided I was going to be a Professional Rodeo Cowboy.  It is funny now to remember the look my parents had.  I remember my mom writing something on the calendar that day and I don't think she wrote "best day ever" on the calendar.

This was before there was a Facebook, Skype, or Reddit.  Hell, this was before email.  In the absence of any real social media you could ride off into the sunset.  Conversely you could ride into a new town and reinvent yourself.  There are a couple of reasons that this worked so well back in the day.  No one was really aware of how much and how often you actually fell on your face. 

We were born in a time where the goal out of high school was stability.  A good job, a nice car, and the ability to get some of the nicer things.  You felt like people were PROUD of you when you had that good job, apartment, and car. When you decided to depart from that you had to have a sincere belief in yourself.  Because if you step out of what you think is conventional, you are going to be the target of some tongue wagging and finger pointing.  People who followed convention, also want you to follow convention.  


When I left to be a Professional Rodeo Cowboy it was something I was proud of and believed in.  And while it sounds glamorous in print and paper, it was about working a lot of day jobs to make entry fee's. A lot of traveling to paths of the beaten trail and living (this is a huge understatement) modestly.  While I was doing this a lot of my peers were getting jobs and earning a decent living.  And while my parents firmly believed what I did was akin to running away to join the circus, it was an amazing experience and journey that I would not have traded for the world.

I did not make my living as a Professional Rodeo Cowboy.  I did learn more than my peers who opted for the more conventional definition of success.  I learned how to believe in and trust myself and that has served me really well all these years.  If given the choice of having money or a great passion, I would always pick the passion.  Even at the tender age of 52, I am really happy to know that I do not ever have to wonder if I could have made it as a Professional Rodeo Cowboy.  The pursuit of a passion is never going to be a losing proposition.  Because you find out one of the most essential things you can do in life is to be proud of yourself first before worrying if people are proud of you.

So if you start to worrying about where you are in the pecking order of your peers...don't.  Always have the stones to look your peers in the eye and tell them exactly what you are doing.  Especially if it is not the conventional path.  You owe that to them and mostly to yourself.

Give them all hell
Love Dad

Remission

Remission

I was told last Wednesday that Chris is officially in remission.  His cancer is not gone, but it is smaller and stable.  Chemo/Radiation started in August, it seems like a lifetime ago.   Here are my cancer notes for you.  He reminds me of some of the important stuff.

Measured Grace - Every time someone offered him the best seat, offered to drive him to chemo, shovel a walk, or some other everyday task, he accepted the offers of help with a lot of appreciation and grace.   He came to understand that by gratefully accepting these gestures, it allowed people to do something when there was really nothing to be done.  The truth is that most of these gestures, while made with the greatest of intentions were difficult reminders to him of what he could not do himself.  So the people that were afraid and feeling helpless were able to feel like they contributed in a small way to the most important journey of his life.  Nothing is more gut churning than to feel like a helpless bystander when a life is changing before your eyes.  By putting his ego aside he was able let a lot of people be a small part in the fight for his life.  SO the next time that well meaning person (family/friend/stranger) reaches out to you, consider putting your ego aside and put them ahead of yourself.  By accepting that small bit of help, they will feel infinitely better because they will feel in a small way, that they have been a part of your journey.   Remember, that hard and fast rule -it is not always about just you.

Accepting Incremental Wins - His cancer is smaller and stable not gone - this is considered remission.  So for the next 90 days he is officially stable with no drugs or treatments.  He will have to be checked for the rest of his life (at this point being able to say the rest of his life is outstanding) .  But today he is in remission and every single day should be a celebration of life.  I am not going to wait for the train to run over him again, I am going to take these days for what they are...a gift.  SO DO NOT spend a lot of time lamenting the train that may or may not run over you.  Every day you have is a gift.  Make sure you use every day.  The train that runs people over is often discussed, planned for, and searched for.  The truth is the train runs over a small percent of people and it always because the elect to not step out of its path.
  
Courage - Chris was a constant reminder to me that courage is the simple act of putting one foot in front of the other in the most dire circumstances imaginable.  Most of the amazing acts of courage will never see the light of day and it does not for a minute diminish them.  It is never a single act of courage that defines you.  It is a compilation of courageous acts that will surface when you (or someone else) needs them the most.   Like everything else you learn to be courageous.  SO all of those times you put one foot in front of the other when it you have no reason to COUNT big time.  That is your portfolio of courage, never get concerned that no one see's them.  When you are called on to be courageous in a public way, it will be second nature to you.

Love Dad