**This seemed timely, so I am reposting this.**
A lot of people have said insightful things about fighting demons. Here are the top 3 in random order.
1. When you fight monsters, you have to be careful not to become a monster yourself.
Because every time you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you. This is a bastardized version of a quote from Fredrick Nietzche, a German philosopher from 1800's. The actual quote was - Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you. Fredrick was trying to say that if you had to become a demon to slay a demon there was no net gain. There is no extra credit for moral high ground, best intentions, or heroic actions. If fighting your demon adds one to the total number you have made the situation worse, not better. Looking into the abyss is the mirror we all look into every day in a figurative sense. If you look hard enough you will see what you became to fight your demons. The best case is that you don't look or sound like the asshole that you have been fighting with. Sometimes only time and distance allow you to see this and it is harder to see in the heat of battle. (Fredrick, after his meteoric rise to fame, became clinically insane at an early age and lived under the care of his mother until he died)
2. But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.—Luke 6:27-31. Jesus is the OG (original guy) who tries to get us all to understand the simple principle that what you do will come back to you and perpetuate itself. It is more than love and hate, it is everything in between. People with the strength and courage to fight their demons have either intentionally or unintentionally helped other people find their courage and strength. These passages get misinterpreted all the time. He just wanted you to take time to pick what you wanted to come back to you. The person who has already has hit you has picked what will return to him. Jesus was no slouch at busting a couple heads when he needed. I don't think we ever were supposed to be so passive as to not bust a head when circumstances dictated. It just should not be the default and you should not bust the same pumpkin twice.
3. You can never win a fight with a retard. If you lose, you lose to a retard. If you win, you have beaten up a retard. (The word Retarded comes from the Latin retardare, "to make slow, delay, keep back, or hinder. This is not intended to be a derogatory term for a person who suffers any recognized mental deficiency of handicap.) The awful truth is that a lot of the demons we wrestle with are not complex, super intelligent, gifted, insightful beings. They are people who have been brought into our lives by chance, circumstance, or when you just step in that random pile of shit. These tend to be people who need attention and consider imitation the sincerest form of flattery. They get our attention because they say and do things that offend us at a primary level. They are not nice, don't play fair, and seem to go out of their way to make minor disagreements into epic battles. When you call them out, frequently you find people in tough, sad, places in their lives. There is never much satisfaction in a broken person.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Perspective
Perspective is a great thing. Perspective is a matter of distance. Objects that you are directly in front of are larger than they really are. This is true with everything, the people, events, and institutions that are a part of your lives today.
The great thing that the FD taught me is how to manage things when all hell is breaking loose. You break things down into manageable components. It comes down to 3 basic things for you and the people around you. The things that will kill you, the things that will hurt you, and the things that will hurt your feelings/pride/ego/career/job. You get resources to manage events based on those 3 basic categories. Things get escalated unnecessarily because you believe that EVERYTHING will kill you and respond that way.
Give the highest priority to the things that will kill you. I want to be very specific here. If what is going to happen next will cause you stop breathing, bleed to death, or stop your heart, they fall under the things that kill you category. EVERYTHING else falls into a different category. Respond accordingly
The things that will hurt you are the things that will physically hurt you. There are things that will require a medical professional to fix. You can do a lot of things to manage these events. The biggest one is avoidance. Things very rarely escalate to physical harm without the compliment of a string of bad to marginally bad judgment calls. There is a common thread in these bad judgments. Drinking, drugs, or an overstatement / understatement (intentionally or unintentionally) of a current situation. If someone cries WOLF, most everyone will come running. Respond Accordingly
The broadest category is that things that hurt your feelings/ego/pride/career/job. This is also the category that is the most forgiving in terms of impact to you. Tickets, Sanctions, Bad Grades, Bad Supervisors/Bosses/Coworkers, Bad Significant others and plain old mistakes on your part will not hurt or kill you. You are going to have to apply drugs, liquor or bad judgment to make that happen. Respond Accordingly
Learning is a lot of trial and error. You find out what works by discovering what does not. You can also do this by observing this in other people as well. Pride and ego keep you from trial and error until learning something new is more compelling. Making mistakes is only a problem when a distinct pattern of them starts to emerge.
If your feelings/ego/pride are hurt, you have to got to suck it up a little. Great strides in learning often bruise the ego.
Love Dad
The great thing that the FD taught me is how to manage things when all hell is breaking loose. You break things down into manageable components. It comes down to 3 basic things for you and the people around you. The things that will kill you, the things that will hurt you, and the things that will hurt your feelings/pride/ego/career/job. You get resources to manage events based on those 3 basic categories. Things get escalated unnecessarily because you believe that EVERYTHING will kill you and respond that way.
Give the highest priority to the things that will kill you. I want to be very specific here. If what is going to happen next will cause you stop breathing, bleed to death, or stop your heart, they fall under the things that kill you category. EVERYTHING else falls into a different category. Respond accordingly
The things that will hurt you are the things that will physically hurt you. There are things that will require a medical professional to fix. You can do a lot of things to manage these events. The biggest one is avoidance. Things very rarely escalate to physical harm without the compliment of a string of bad to marginally bad judgment calls. There is a common thread in these bad judgments. Drinking, drugs, or an overstatement / understatement (intentionally or unintentionally) of a current situation. If someone cries WOLF, most everyone will come running. Respond Accordingly
The broadest category is that things that hurt your feelings/ego/pride/career/job. This is also the category that is the most forgiving in terms of impact to you. Tickets, Sanctions, Bad Grades, Bad Supervisors/Bosses/Coworkers, Bad Significant others and plain old mistakes on your part will not hurt or kill you. You are going to have to apply drugs, liquor or bad judgment to make that happen. Respond Accordingly
Learning is a lot of trial and error. You find out what works by discovering what does not. You can also do this by observing this in other people as well. Pride and ego keep you from trial and error until learning something new is more compelling. Making mistakes is only a problem when a distinct pattern of them starts to emerge.
If your feelings/ego/pride are hurt, you have to got to suck it up a little. Great strides in learning often bruise the ego.
Love Dad
Monday, February 21, 2011
Circle of Hope
True story. There is a circle of people in front of the supermarket standing around a woman of about 65 years laying down on ground. Almost everyone is staring down at the lady, whose dress and slip are torn and pulled up above her hips. There are at least 5 cell phones out and no one is moving to help or talk to the lady. No one had called 911 or even bothered to talk to the old lady who is moaning on the ground.
I asked if anyone had called 911 (no one had) and instructed one of the people with a phone out to call.
This is a phenomenon is called "The Circle of Hope (COH)". It is characterized by people standing around a person in distress. For a reason I don't understand they are almost always in a circle and they are "hoping" help is on the way or that someone has called for help. People are inherently good..that is why they stop. But making the decision to act, is much harder for most people.
I asked someone to call 911, pulled her dress down, and did some rudimentary first aid. Nothing I did here was remarkable, not a single thing. Basically called for help and made sure she did not make her injuries worse until the FD got there.
If you have not seen a COH, you eventually will. The easy ones are the old ladies laying down on the sidewalk in front of the grocery store. The harder ones are those people or couples who land right in front of you. They are the ones that are spinning out of control and people end up getting caught up in their stupidity. If they are left completely unchecked, they end up being a threat to themselves or the people around them.
These frigging people are almost always oblivious to everyone and everything around them. People have an incredible capacity to adapt to increasingly abhorrent or bad behavior by other people.
A quick rule of thumb is that if you consistently need to step over, step around or change your behavior to avoid what these people may or may not do, its time to do something. If you find yourself wishing someone would do something, report it, or deal with it you are part of the Circle of Hope. I hope you have a clear image of standing around an old lady with a busted pumpkin and her dress hiked way up in front of group of strangers. Do something, it does not have to be elaborate, it just has to be something. You will end up waking up the entire COH and things will take an amazing turn for the better.
Sometimes it is as simple as calling the right number, pulling down the dress, and making sure it does not get worse until help arrives.
Love Dad
I asked if anyone had called 911 (no one had) and instructed one of the people with a phone out to call.
This is a phenomenon is called "The Circle of Hope (COH)". It is characterized by people standing around a person in distress. For a reason I don't understand they are almost always in a circle and they are "hoping" help is on the way or that someone has called for help. People are inherently good..that is why they stop. But making the decision to act, is much harder for most people.
I asked someone to call 911, pulled her dress down, and did some rudimentary first aid. Nothing I did here was remarkable, not a single thing. Basically called for help and made sure she did not make her injuries worse until the FD got there.
If you have not seen a COH, you eventually will. The easy ones are the old ladies laying down on the sidewalk in front of the grocery store. The harder ones are those people or couples who land right in front of you. They are the ones that are spinning out of control and people end up getting caught up in their stupidity. If they are left completely unchecked, they end up being a threat to themselves or the people around them.
These frigging people are almost always oblivious to everyone and everything around them. People have an incredible capacity to adapt to increasingly abhorrent or bad behavior by other people.
A quick rule of thumb is that if you consistently need to step over, step around or change your behavior to avoid what these people may or may not do, its time to do something. If you find yourself wishing someone would do something, report it, or deal with it you are part of the Circle of Hope. I hope you have a clear image of standing around an old lady with a busted pumpkin and her dress hiked way up in front of group of strangers. Do something, it does not have to be elaborate, it just has to be something. You will end up waking up the entire COH and things will take an amazing turn for the better.
Sometimes it is as simple as calling the right number, pulling down the dress, and making sure it does not get worse until help arrives.
Love Dad
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Marquess of Queensberry Rules
I told you about my friend before. She has 3 kids who are school aged and on any given weekend she can be found at the one of the functions that they are involved in. She has also taken in a young kid that came from an abusive background. She cares deeply for her family and works hard to make it a home. Her husband did some things that have put their marriage in a crisis. It is a emotionally charged issue. My friend is in pain, and it is the raw kind of pain.
Most of her friends find out and I think almost everyone then has an opinion (which they share with her) on how she should proceed. The opinions are wide and varied. People tend to give you advice based on their experiences and backgrounds. They will do this even if they don't have have experience or background in the particular area.
There are some hard and fast rules that you need to follow if you find yourself in a position where a friend is in a jam.
- Your safety is a primary consideration. I have seen a lot of people get the hell beat out of them because they walked over to watch a fight. Things can spiral out of control really quickly. FD rules apply here. Only perform a rescue if you are fully trained to do so. Leave rescue to the people that are trained to do it.
-If you put yourself in harms way or attempt a rescue (and you are not trained to do so) and become part of the incident you have made it far more complicated and dangerous for everyone, especially the rescuers.
-When a friend is telling you about problems, they generally don't want or expect you to fix them or propose solutions for them. Just listen.
-If you friend wants you to fix their problem for them, be suspicious of them. The best you can do is postpone them dealing with their problems. Ultimately they have to fix their own problems. Just listen, by the time they talk to you they really already know what they need to do.
-This is an important one. Never become an anyone's emotional dumpster. Some people have a habit of dumping shit all over you and then walking away. They feel a lot better and you feel drained and smell like shit. Some people are just never going to attempt to help themselves. Those are people you got to walk away from.
-There are times when you do have to do something because they are in imminent danger. When this happens you will know what is needed. Call your dad by the way. The only guy who should do this on a regular basis is Superman. It is the exception and not the rule.
And last by not least. Never, ever, let the shortcomings of anyone (even a dear friend) define what you can or cannot do. When all hell is breaking loose you can stand tall by just being you.
My friend is going to be all right. She has tough days ahead but she will make it.
Love Dad..
-
Most of her friends find out and I think almost everyone then has an opinion (which they share with her) on how she should proceed. The opinions are wide and varied. People tend to give you advice based on their experiences and backgrounds. They will do this even if they don't have have experience or background in the particular area.
There are some hard and fast rules that you need to follow if you find yourself in a position where a friend is in a jam.
- Your safety is a primary consideration. I have seen a lot of people get the hell beat out of them because they walked over to watch a fight. Things can spiral out of control really quickly. FD rules apply here. Only perform a rescue if you are fully trained to do so. Leave rescue to the people that are trained to do it.
-If you put yourself in harms way or attempt a rescue (and you are not trained to do so) and become part of the incident you have made it far more complicated and dangerous for everyone, especially the rescuers.
-When a friend is telling you about problems, they generally don't want or expect you to fix them or propose solutions for them. Just listen.
-If you friend wants you to fix their problem for them, be suspicious of them. The best you can do is postpone them dealing with their problems. Ultimately they have to fix their own problems. Just listen, by the time they talk to you they really already know what they need to do.
-This is an important one. Never become an anyone's emotional dumpster. Some people have a habit of dumping shit all over you and then walking away. They feel a lot better and you feel drained and smell like shit. Some people are just never going to attempt to help themselves. Those are people you got to walk away from.
-There are times when you do have to do something because they are in imminent danger. When this happens you will know what is needed. Call your dad by the way. The only guy who should do this on a regular basis is Superman. It is the exception and not the rule.
And last by not least. Never, ever, let the shortcomings of anyone (even a dear friend) define what you can or cannot do. When all hell is breaking loose you can stand tall by just being you.
My friend is going to be all right. She has tough days ahead but she will make it.
Love Dad..
-
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Valentines day
There is no definitive information on who Saint Valentine really is. Turns out there were a fair number of christian martyrs who were named Valentine. Most believe he was a priest in Roman times that secretly married Roman soldiers. Soldiers were supposed to be single by law. At the time, he married people because that is what a priest does. It was a practice of his faith. The emperor caught him and the unrepentant priest was killed. No one really understands how it went from that to what it is today.
I enjoyed the hell out of Valentines Day when I was in elementary school. Every cool kid and dork got the same number of cards in your carefully decorated Valentine shoe box. Easy day, every one got the same card from you because your mom brought the value pack. Half of the envelopes had candy in them. Everyone was awkward together. I have always had a love of shared awkwardness.
After elementary school it really turns into a pain in the ass day for most people. Nothing can kill a genuine gesture or emotion by choreographing it to death.
I hate to sound like a chick but the loves that last..they take time to happen. They most often come when you are very comfortable with yourself. These people are easy to be with and they are low maintenance. Romantic dinners happen at random times and places and generally are pretty cheap. Romantic gestures are rolling up your sleeves and helping with a decidedly unglamorous chores.
I was 27 or 28 when I met mom. I lived alone, and certainly was not looking for a significant other of any kind. My significant other at that time was a motorcycle and I was a happy bachelor. Aside from being intelligent, and beautiful she loved me for who I was. For us, this will be our 23rd Valentines Day together.
Don't settle for anything less.
Love Dad..
I enjoyed the hell out of Valentines Day when I was in elementary school. Every cool kid and dork got the same number of cards in your carefully decorated Valentine shoe box. Easy day, every one got the same card from you because your mom brought the value pack. Half of the envelopes had candy in them. Everyone was awkward together. I have always had a love of shared awkwardness.
After elementary school it really turns into a pain in the ass day for most people. Nothing can kill a genuine gesture or emotion by choreographing it to death.
I hate to sound like a chick but the loves that last..they take time to happen. They most often come when you are very comfortable with yourself. These people are easy to be with and they are low maintenance. Romantic dinners happen at random times and places and generally are pretty cheap. Romantic gestures are rolling up your sleeves and helping with a decidedly unglamorous chores.
I was 27 or 28 when I met mom. I lived alone, and certainly was not looking for a significant other of any kind. My significant other at that time was a motorcycle and I was a happy bachelor. Aside from being intelligent, and beautiful she loved me for who I was. For us, this will be our 23rd Valentines Day together.
Don't settle for anything less.
Love Dad..
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Fearless
I see this guy with a laughing skull on his shirt and FEARLESS in bold letters across the front. Every time I see one of these, I think what a wrong message it sends.
Fear is a good thing. Fear gives you the ability to recognize a threat or dangerous situation. After you recognize it, you get to decide how you are going to navigate it, deal with it, or avoid it. Fear is a healthy part of every day life. It should not be avoided, ignored, or put on laughing skull t-shirts.
You navigate through fear by being well trained and prepared. The FD has always taught me this. Exhaustive training and preparation will help you make the right choices when you are in a tough, scary situations. Even then you use fear to help you reevaluate changing situations and circumstances. Preparation and training includes the mental and physical aspects. Nothing takes the edge off fear like being knowledgeable about what you stepping into.
You deal with fear by simply accepting that it is a part of any worthwhile endeavor.
There are certainly times when fear will help you avoid a situation or circumstance that you simply do not belong in. You should not however use fear as an excuse. There are going to be those times when you are not as prepared as you should be and you still need to move forward. When I was taking those P-school tests, I frequently felt like I was almost in over my head. The only thing that took the edge off of that was keeping my head in the books.
People confuse anxiety with fear. Anxiety is anticipation of danger when there is no real threat or danger. It is the thing that typically proceeds fear. Anxiety produces a lot of stress and that stress brings all of your preparation and training to screaming halt. Anxiety makes manageable things insurmountable. People get all worn out and used up just being anxious. Fear can really paralyze you when your anxiety has stopped your preparation and worn you out mentally.
There is a very long list of things that people use to manage fear that just don't work. There is nothing that you can drink, smoke, or take in pill that makes it go away. If you try to escape that way, your fear will wait patiently for you to return.
The only place for FEARLESSNESS is on crappy t-shirts and bumper stickers.
Love Dad
Fear is a good thing. Fear gives you the ability to recognize a threat or dangerous situation. After you recognize it, you get to decide how you are going to navigate it, deal with it, or avoid it. Fear is a healthy part of every day life. It should not be avoided, ignored, or put on laughing skull t-shirts.
You navigate through fear by being well trained and prepared. The FD has always taught me this. Exhaustive training and preparation will help you make the right choices when you are in a tough, scary situations. Even then you use fear to help you reevaluate changing situations and circumstances. Preparation and training includes the mental and physical aspects. Nothing takes the edge off fear like being knowledgeable about what you stepping into.
You deal with fear by simply accepting that it is a part of any worthwhile endeavor.
There are certainly times when fear will help you avoid a situation or circumstance that you simply do not belong in. You should not however use fear as an excuse. There are going to be those times when you are not as prepared as you should be and you still need to move forward. When I was taking those P-school tests, I frequently felt like I was almost in over my head. The only thing that took the edge off of that was keeping my head in the books.
People confuse anxiety with fear. Anxiety is anticipation of danger when there is no real threat or danger. It is the thing that typically proceeds fear. Anxiety produces a lot of stress and that stress brings all of your preparation and training to screaming halt. Anxiety makes manageable things insurmountable. People get all worn out and used up just being anxious. Fear can really paralyze you when your anxiety has stopped your preparation and worn you out mentally.
There is a very long list of things that people use to manage fear that just don't work. There is nothing that you can drink, smoke, or take in pill that makes it go away. If you try to escape that way, your fear will wait patiently for you to return.
The only place for FEARLESSNESS is on crappy t-shirts and bumper stickers.
Love Dad
Small Wins
One of those top ten life skills is the ability to recognize, acknowledge and celebrate the small wins you have almost every single day.
The old school rules apply here. When someone acknowledges one of those wins (small or large) be gracious and tell them "thank you". Don't be the person who ruins a perfectly good thank you by going on to describe how much more has to be done or ignoring the compliment altogether.
When you tell people to celebrate the small wins, they get hung up on the celebrate part. Celebrating is not always that fist pumping, yell at the top of your lungs thing. A lot of time it is just you being able to say "I did it" to yourself, your friends, or family.
It is no secret at all that the really big wins are composed of a lot of much smaller ones. When you start to recognize the small wins & celebrate them you have a much better sense of how on track you really are.
Here is a small test...if you can recall more failures than wins in the last couple of weeks...punch yourself in the neck. You both have done some really outstanding things lately. Be the person that stacks up those wins like silver dollars. Don't stack turds (failures, real and perceived).
Love Dad
The old school rules apply here. When someone acknowledges one of those wins (small or large) be gracious and tell them "thank you". Don't be the person who ruins a perfectly good thank you by going on to describe how much more has to be done or ignoring the compliment altogether.
When you tell people to celebrate the small wins, they get hung up on the celebrate part. Celebrating is not always that fist pumping, yell at the top of your lungs thing. A lot of time it is just you being able to say "I did it" to yourself, your friends, or family.
It is no secret at all that the really big wins are composed of a lot of much smaller ones. When you start to recognize the small wins & celebrate them you have a much better sense of how on track you really are.
Here is a small test...if you can recall more failures than wins in the last couple of weeks...punch yourself in the neck. You both have done some really outstanding things lately. Be the person that stacks up those wins like silver dollars. Don't stack turds (failures, real and perceived).
Love Dad
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Mistakes
I hate to be repetitive about this but it is important.
Learn to forgive yourself for your missteps and mistakes. This is such an important thing to be able to do. Sometimes you are just to close to them to have any real perspective. They feel larger than they really are. Driven people tend to be hard on themselves.
It is certainly ok to take a critical look at where you missed. Let that critical look be brief and move on. If you wallow in it, a needed lesson can be lost.
All of those missteps and mistakes are an integral part of your education. There are things that you need to learn that you cannot glean from a book or another person. You simply have to do it.
Wallowing in these mistakes is never a great idea. Old school rule applies here. Admit it, give it a brief critical look and go back and do it differently to get the result that you desire.
This skill is one that you will use all of your adult life. My last shift at the FD, I made a mistake. Man that killed me because it was a very simple thing. These things are also a integral part of my education.
Think about it in these terms. You step on a giant turd. Does it benefit you (or anyone else) for you to carry it around? Show it to people? Or wear it around your neck? Stepping in dog shit does not make you dog shit. Just be more careful where you step.
Love Dad
Learn to forgive yourself for your missteps and mistakes. This is such an important thing to be able to do. Sometimes you are just to close to them to have any real perspective. They feel larger than they really are. Driven people tend to be hard on themselves.
It is certainly ok to take a critical look at where you missed. Let that critical look be brief and move on. If you wallow in it, a needed lesson can be lost.
All of those missteps and mistakes are an integral part of your education. There are things that you need to learn that you cannot glean from a book or another person. You simply have to do it.
Wallowing in these mistakes is never a great idea. Old school rule applies here. Admit it, give it a brief critical look and go back and do it differently to get the result that you desire.
This skill is one that you will use all of your adult life. My last shift at the FD, I made a mistake. Man that killed me because it was a very simple thing. These things are also a integral part of my education.
Think about it in these terms. You step on a giant turd. Does it benefit you (or anyone else) for you to carry it around? Show it to people? Or wear it around your neck? Stepping in dog shit does not make you dog shit. Just be more careful where you step.
Love Dad
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Overthinking
Boomer is not a complex dog. He kills me. You can walk out the front door to check the mail. He will follow you to the door and wag his tail. It takes all of 2 minutes to walk out and get the mail. When you walk back in the front door, he greets you like you have been away for days. It is one of those genuine enthusiastic greetings. He will jump up and down, make noise, and pretty much demand that you pet him. He just does not stop until you do.
Boomer does not overthink anything. He just knows that it is great to see you walk back in the door and he does not hesitate for a minute to let you know how happy he is to see you.
You for the most part are spending a lot of time outside of your comfort zone. When a lot of stuff is coming at you and there is a reasonable amount of stress involved, you are prone to overthinking things.
You overthink things when you have some decision or task in front of you. Typically you are really stressed out about it and you think you do not have control over what is going to happen. You don't really distinguish between what is an actual lack of control and what is a perceived lack of control. In your head they are both the same thing.
When you do not have control of something, taking an action gives you control. Inactivity gives the situation or task control of you.
It is pretty easy to spend much more time thinking about something instead of doing something . Overthinking requires you to stop what you are doing to think things through. Overthinking means you are standing still, progress comes to a halt. The cure to overthinking is to do something. Even if it is not the exact right thing, it puts you on a path to discover what is the right thing to do.
True story here. I see a guy in a wheel chair drop his bag of groceries and I walk over to help him. It is not about anything but dropped groceries. It is not about his wheelchair, or me. This guy really appreciated the help. I did the same thing a couple of weeks later when I see a guy on crutches drop his newspaper. I go to pick up the paper and the guy barks at me. I told him not to be a dick. I did not overthink things in either case.
So be careful. The real danger in overthinking anything is that if you do it long enough, you will be unnaturally afraid and tentative. The monster in your closet gets bigger every minute you do not open the closet door. Never hesitate to open the closet door.
Love Dad
Boomer does not overthink anything. He just knows that it is great to see you walk back in the door and he does not hesitate for a minute to let you know how happy he is to see you.
You for the most part are spending a lot of time outside of your comfort zone. When a lot of stuff is coming at you and there is a reasonable amount of stress involved, you are prone to overthinking things.
You overthink things when you have some decision or task in front of you. Typically you are really stressed out about it and you think you do not have control over what is going to happen. You don't really distinguish between what is an actual lack of control and what is a perceived lack of control. In your head they are both the same thing.
When you do not have control of something, taking an action gives you control. Inactivity gives the situation or task control of you.
It is pretty easy to spend much more time thinking about something instead of doing something . Overthinking requires you to stop what you are doing to think things through. Overthinking means you are standing still, progress comes to a halt. The cure to overthinking is to do something. Even if it is not the exact right thing, it puts you on a path to discover what is the right thing to do.
True story here. I see a guy in a wheel chair drop his bag of groceries and I walk over to help him. It is not about anything but dropped groceries. It is not about his wheelchair, or me. This guy really appreciated the help. I did the same thing a couple of weeks later when I see a guy on crutches drop his newspaper. I go to pick up the paper and the guy barks at me. I told him not to be a dick. I did not overthink things in either case.
So be careful. The real danger in overthinking anything is that if you do it long enough, you will be unnaturally afraid and tentative. The monster in your closet gets bigger every minute you do not open the closet door. Never hesitate to open the closet door.
Love Dad
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