There are some hard and fast dating rules. It does not matter if you call it dating, seeing someone, or just hanging out with a member of the opposite sex. These red flags still apply.
No one is exempt from ending up in a bad place when you are seeing someone. You don't get a pass because of your looks, education, or financial status. Toxic, weird things happen to great, well adjusted people. No one ever believes that it will happen to them so they don't act on those red flags. You are not exempt, there are red flags that you need to be able to see and act on.
1. First and most important - there is never, ever a reason for a person that you are seeing to physically harm you or threaten to harm you. No exceptions - there are no exemptions for liquor, drugs, or impaired judgment due to any cause. This is a life threat, leave immediately.
2. You should not have to be careful of what you say or avoid saying something because you think it might start a fight or an argument. If this is happening you need to take a hard look what need you are meeting for this person. This is subtle but this is a form of controlling you. Be with people who want to hear you and who you want to hear.
3. Do they pass the friend test? Would you be willing to have your friends meet you both in a social setting? That should be a very easy, relaxing thing to do. You have a friend or two who always tells you the truth...listen to them and their perspective. Be willing to admit a mistake when you make one. Do not let the need to be right override basic common sense.
4. You should not feel compelled to explain or offer an excuse for anything your date does. Never try to absolve anyone of abject stupidity. If it has not happened yet it will. Your date will say or do something incredibly stupid. Let them own it and explain it. People always make the mistake of thinking your date is a direct reflection of you. They are NOT you or your responsibilty. They are someone you think you are compatable with. Don't fail to appreciate a person who shows you their true colors (good and bad), it can be a huge time saver. Expect to end up with a turd occassionally.
5. Would you be uncomfortable if you bumped into your parents with them? Nervous is OK, uncomfortable should require some introspection. Ask yourself why ..and then ask your friends.
6. When it is time to stop seeing someone..STOP doing it. It will be painful for you and them both, there is no way around this. Apologizing, offering excuses, or trying to ease the pain only increases the pain a great deal. Extend them (and yourself) the courtesy of a quick, concise departure. Get on with your life and let them get on with theirs.
7. ALWAYS BE YOU. If you try to be what someone needs, you can get lost in the process. Let them be who they are. If you are not compatible, that is OK.
8 You have an amazing sense for what feels right and what does not. Trust that...I do.
When it is right, it is amazingly easy.
Love Dad
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