Big Feet

This is one that I have been meaning to write for some time.

In the FD, you never could determine ahead of time what kind of things would stick with you and which ones would not.  I have seen a wide variety of things and people in disrepair and I have yet to determine why some have faded from my memory and why some have not. 

It is not what you would think.  I have seen graphic traumatic injuries, impossible to describe here that did not linger in my memory.  Some have, but it is a very small percentage.  It is the everyday things in circumstances that are so far removed from everyday and normal that tend to stick.  When it rains and the pavement has been hot, I always seem to remember the young kid with big feet that died in an accident on Fathers Day.  You were little and I got home that morning before you woke up and just managed to get in bed before you woke up.  When you were running in with badly wrapped presents and busting out with smiles, I was having one of the best mornings of my life.  In another world, the Dad of the kid with the big feet was having the worst morning of his life. 

On days like that you have to make a conscious effort to not carry a weight that you are not supposed to carry.  And like a lot of things, those things that are of great impact to you, the whole thing may not really translate well to people that are outside your particular line of work.  This also extends to the people to the people who love you the most.  Somethings that impact you simply will not translate because other people cannot (despite their best efforts ) walk a mile in your shoes. 

This is a life lesson that applies to both of you.  There are events in your lives that will impact you to a large degree, things that will move and hurt your heart.  And despite our best efforts we will remain unaware of the impact to you.  And you certainly know how much you are loved.  Some things will escape even your significant other and it is not for a lack of love or trying.  They are weights that you have to make conscious efforts not to carry.  They will get lighter because you will talk to people who understand what it is to be in your shoes and it might not be the people who love you the most.  Talking about them deflates those big things to manageable bites of color that give you depth of character.  Never ignore them or suck it up and try to ride it out.  Embrace and deal with them, they will give you strength and character.

Never did tell mom the whole story of the kid with the big feet on Fathers Day.  Even now it does not translate well.  I don't carry the weight of the kid with big feet but I have not forgotten him.  He is part of my strength and character.  If you need to carry weight, they should be round black disks connected to a silver bar in a gym.

Don't forget to call mom for no reason whatsoever.

Love Dad