You are not really old enough to be well versed in putting on a happy face when you are feeling like shit. When you feel like shit...well you look like shit. That is the real gift of youth. You have not fully master the art of guile or deception. Hold on to that as long as you can, that is not a bad thing.
I can see the weight that you are carrying. Freshman years anywhere (high school-college-work-marriage-virtually anywhere new) are all tough. I hate to keep saying it but most major milestones that are worthwhile endeavors are a pain in the ass when you start them (freshman year).
Every one of my freshman years were tough at the beginning. Like everyone else, I did not realize back then that a lot of people were in the same boat. You don't realize that until much later. If there are people that are complete naturals in new environments, the are either sociopaths or doing it with the aid of pharmaceuticals or alcohol. Drugs and booze never work. It is like being carried up a ladder and put on a roof and having the ladder taken away. Going up is a breeze..getting down sucks, thats when stuff breaks.
Like most people over 40, I can selectively edit out the really tough and crappy parts of those freshman years. If you get an adult that wants to tell you how well they did this, politely excuse yourself and leave. Well meaning adults who are giving you pep talks can inadvertently make you feel worse because they can re-enforce the feeling that you are the only one not fitting in quickly. Most people end up being much better at things they no longer do. I am no exception here, ask me about my stints in wrestling, rodeo, and the navy..
I know that I am a natural at something, I just have not found it yet.
Worst freshman year was the parent freshman year. I can still remember the how worried I was when the nurse put your older sister in the brand new car seat, hugged your mom and walked away. She was 3 days old then and I am not sure what I expected. I think I hoped that the nurse would come home with us and help us ease into the transition. Sounds ridiculous now but we were genuinely scared to death. Neither you or your sister were a surprise, we were trying hard to have you both. You would think that because we wanted you both so bad that we would have been naturals. We weren't naturals of course, but no one worked harder to be that way than your mom and me. Today, I am an expert, that is due to how damn good you both turned out and because the people who saw how scared I was are not reading this blog.
I missed your swagger today, I am used to seeing it. You need it you know. Don't forget your freshman years in academics or sports. Where you started and where you ended up. It was not magic that you did so well, it was a ton of hard work by you. I take credit for that but the truth is I did not know exactly then (or now) about all of your struggles. Your success is really about the person that you already are. I also saw a glimpse of your swagger today. Small victories count, start keeping track of those now. Stack them up and find that swagger.
If you see someone else struggling, help them out. Nothing reinforces the point better than seeing someone else who is getting the crap kicked out them and reaching out to them..
Marcellous Wallace is bald and not a bitch. Mrs Wallace can vouch for all of this..
Also, do not eat eggs over easy due to salmonella scare. Scrambled only please
Love Dad
No comments:
Post a Comment