Here is another bit of Dad wisdom that I want you both to keep. I found an article in Men's Health that really explains the strong, unwavering sincere belief both mom and I have in you.
It explains it really well. It is not magic, not a blind wish or hope for the best outcome by a parent or a loved one. It is really a strong sincere belief in the best outcome happening because of who you are and the work you put into things. By now, you both have had much more success than a lot of your peers and need to understand there is a belief that you have in yourselves that drives this success.
I predict it (so does your mom by the way, as enthusiastically as me but with grace and modesty) because we have sincere belief. If you start to recognize the pattern of your success you are going to be stunned by how much success you have.
Sincere belief does not mean you will not step in shit, meet crappy people, have people take occasional advantage. It sure does not exempt you from the face plant that you will do from time to time in pursuit of a desired goal. It does mean that doing that will give you more in depth appreciation for the great people and experiences that are in front of you.
THIS IS EXCERPT FROM MH ARTICLE.
HERE'S A USEFUL EXERCISE: NAME SOME successful cynics. You can't. Look at some of the most successful people in the past 10 years: Steve Jobs, Barrack Obama, the Google guys. They're not too cynical. George Clooney, Bono, Pixar's central creative team. They're about as genuine about their lives and work as you can get. Love him or hate him, George W. Bush is no cynic. Cynics don't become presidents of the United States. They don't become top CEOs, entrepreneurs, or researchers either.
Cynics are brambles, quicksand, and snot. They ply their drug one-on-one: Come on, let's sit here and be cynical together. It feels good to stay angry, to stay in one place forever. They specialize in what a friend of mine calls "the bitch spiral," which occurs when like-minded people get together and complain with such intensity that every slight against them becomes a gigantic conspiracy. They attack the successful under the banner of hypocrisy and injustice: "The Yankees' payroll is ruining baseball!" "The Goldman Sachs bonus system is ruining society!" "My boss is ruining my life!"
Here's the thing: Whatever you do, elite performance (which is the delivery vehicle for success) requires a sincere belief -- in the cause, of course, but also in your own ability and the very system in which your performance happens. Cynicism cannot exist in the same space as sincere belief. Cynicism is not disbelief, but unbelief, a refusal.
That's why cynicism is so dangerous to the average guy. If you lose that sincere belief -- at your job, in your relationship, as a son or sibling or parent, anywhere -- you're worthless, no matter how talented you are.
AT THE RISK OF SOUNDING TOO EARNEST, let me say this: Cynicism is caused by broken hearts. Sincere belief in a company, a group, a system, or another person forces you to put something real on the line, something with deep tethers to your emotional core. If you offer that up, and you fail -- or others fail you -- your heart shatters.
Then the choice emerges. Either you fall into a fresh bitch spiral, or you do the most difficult thing any man can do: Believe once again. That means moving forward through the things that broke your heart in the first place: hypocrisy, injustice, venality. A few of the men I've spent time with for Men's Health stand out in this regard.
Derek Jeter: I'm sitting in my living room during the World Series last November, a devoted Phillies fan watching Jeter use his bat to pound nails into my beloved team's coffin. I knew the Phils were doomed, because I've been in Jeter's living room. He told me, while lounging in his easy chair, that being clutch simply means believing -- that because you've been successful in the same situation before, you will be successful again. That magnificent bastard, who works under the most cynical media microscope in sports, always believes he will get the hit. Does he always? Of course not. But his belief never wavers, and it's contagious. And I think, Why does it take the rest of us -- not to mention Cole Hamels -- so long to figure this stuff out?
Jason Kamras: This former Washington, D.C., middle-school math teacher was named 2005 National Teacher of the Year. His case really defines sincere belief for me; after all, who's riper for cynicism than a teacher? "Do I leap out of bed every morning with utter excitement? No. But I do get up every morning with a sense of purpose and passion," he told me. "If you're not doing that, then be honest with yourself. At some point we have to stop and say, 'Look, I really want to be passionate.' I don't think I've ever said, 'Gosh, it's terrible that I can't buy this beautiful house I want.' "
The businessmen: I've interviewed dozens of CEOs and other top bosses. Netflix's Reed Hastings, who has rendered Blockbuster impotent. Blake Mycoskie of Toms Shoes, who donates a pair of shoes to needy kids for every pair he sells. Jim Koch, who quit a six-figure job to brew Samuel Adams beer. These men's big ideas were met with skepticism. Each man blossomed through sincere belief.
Chuck Palahniuk: "As a writer, I felt compelled to toe the publishing line until I realized I was flushing away all my free time. I was starting to really hate writing," he told me. "It looked like just another f--king job where I was trying to please some boss. There had to be a way for writing to be fun." So he wrote Fight Club.
I've sat down with many others -- LeBron James, David Beckham, Jamie Foxx, Anderson Cooper, Aaron Eckhart, and dozens like them -- and the theme runs through the conversations like a power line. One of the great summations of their collective approach came from the actor Mark Wahlberg: "All I can do is try to point out the obvious," he told me. "If you're motivated and doing the right thing, good things are going to happen."
CYNICS HAVE AN OLD CLICHE FOR WHAT I'M talking about: drinking the Kool-Aid. Well, this particular flavor is low in sugar and high in nutrition. Sure, you can abstain out of pride, anger, fear, or insecurity. This Kool-Aid is no guarantee, after all. You can still take the wrong roads, monumentally screw up, or just plain fail with your best effort. Abandoning cynicism is just a tool.
But recently, I have chosen to drink the Kool-Aid. Trust me, it's not easy to swallow. My favorite sport is scoffing. I fight the bitterness in me every single day the way an alcoholic fights the minute-to-minute urge to chug. And yet I rely on this catalog of past encounters with successful men to keep myself oriented. I'm not saying "think positively" or "be optimistic" or some other self-help nonsense. I'm not saying I have a sincere belief in myself or my talents or the American Dream. I'm saying I have a sincere belief in sincere belief. I've seen it work too many times for it to be coincidence. Cynics are fakers. But to keep pushing yourself in the face of failure, that's real.
Monday, November 29, 2010
You Pick
You get to pick how you are defined.
This is as straight forward and as simple as it gets and it is the hardest thing to do for yourself. Most people are not wired that way, we are driven by conventional wisdom that we learn when we enroll, join, or participate in organized groups of people. Conventional wisdom demands an full accounting for a failing to meet a goal or expectation. Driven people are the worst. Failures demand a pound of flesh (even if it is their own).
We all try to examine and dissect these failures at a level of detail that is not needed or warranted. Most often the simplest explanation is the right one - Occam's razor. People tend to not be satisfied with simple answers and will carry complex examinations of failures around for an indeterminate amount of time. We love to carry our crosses.
You get to pick how you are defined -the good-the bad-the ugly.
In late October of this year, I failed to complete a physical agility test in the prescribed time for a FD that I was testing with. I was so sure I was going to complete it that I arranged a victory breakfast with my family. Failure, a big one and I found myself doing what I should not be doing. I examined every aspect of what was to me a massive failure. I was heartbroken and intended to punish myself. I had constructed a massive cross which I was intending to carry around. The simple truth is that I had a significant injury to my knee that I did not take care of. I went to the doctor, took care of it and within 2 weeks passed a more stringent physical agility test. Occam's razor, no magic.
I get to define myself here. It is a great story of guts and perseverance. It is a definition that people readily accept because I believe it and it is the simple truth.
So, go back this year and find what you think are your epic failures. There is a simple, straight forward explanation for them. There is also a complex, detailed examination for them and a heavy cross to bear. Note: You can carry multiple crosses at one time. Make sure you ask yourself how epic your failure was. Rough rule of thumb is that if it is not defined as breaking the law in a municipal, state, federal jurisdiction, it may not be as bad as you think.
The beauty of it is that you can choose here. Accept the simple explanation and leave your heavy cross at the door. Take that epic failure and make a specific decision on how it is going to define you.
You get to pick how you are defined.
I will repost sincere belief...it goes hand in hand here.
Love Dad
This is as straight forward and as simple as it gets and it is the hardest thing to do for yourself. Most people are not wired that way, we are driven by conventional wisdom that we learn when we enroll, join, or participate in organized groups of people. Conventional wisdom demands an full accounting for a failing to meet a goal or expectation. Driven people are the worst. Failures demand a pound of flesh (even if it is their own).
We all try to examine and dissect these failures at a level of detail that is not needed or warranted. Most often the simplest explanation is the right one - Occam's razor. People tend to not be satisfied with simple answers and will carry complex examinations of failures around for an indeterminate amount of time. We love to carry our crosses.
You get to pick how you are defined -the good-the bad-the ugly.
In late October of this year, I failed to complete a physical agility test in the prescribed time for a FD that I was testing with. I was so sure I was going to complete it that I arranged a victory breakfast with my family. Failure, a big one and I found myself doing what I should not be doing. I examined every aspect of what was to me a massive failure. I was heartbroken and intended to punish myself. I had constructed a massive cross which I was intending to carry around. The simple truth is that I had a significant injury to my knee that I did not take care of. I went to the doctor, took care of it and within 2 weeks passed a more stringent physical agility test. Occam's razor, no magic.
I get to define myself here. It is a great story of guts and perseverance. It is a definition that people readily accept because I believe it and it is the simple truth.
So, go back this year and find what you think are your epic failures. There is a simple, straight forward explanation for them. There is also a complex, detailed examination for them and a heavy cross to bear. Note: You can carry multiple crosses at one time. Make sure you ask yourself how epic your failure was. Rough rule of thumb is that if it is not defined as breaking the law in a municipal, state, federal jurisdiction, it may not be as bad as you think.
The beauty of it is that you can choose here. Accept the simple explanation and leave your heavy cross at the door. Take that epic failure and make a specific decision on how it is going to define you.
You get to pick how you are defined.
I will repost sincere belief...it goes hand in hand here.
Love Dad
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Experts
My friend called me this weekend. She and her husband are contemplating divorce due to a set of really tough circumstances.
I did not become an expert in relationships, divorce, or any of the circumstances by virtue of her telling me about it. I don't feel compelled to dial up any of our mutual friends and tell them before she does. I regret that she is in so much pain right now.
I know that some frigging idiot that she tells is going to do a hack job on her. That someone is most likely going to be someone who has never been through what she is going through now. That person is going to tell other people who do not know her well. And invariably one of those persons who do not know her well will say something so stupid and not realize it. She will feel worse because of the stupid things people who do not know her well will say.
My public service announcement - if you know who someone who has done this don't hesitate to tell them they are assholes. Please feel free to send them this post, because despite their intentions they are assholes.
You are an asshole if:
You assume that you are a quasi expert because you have read about, heard about, or were told about a certain subject or topic. You are not, and the people listening to you know that you aren't - they think you are an asshole.
You do not respect that a person talked to you in confidence. This is not the exclusive domain of close friends, this is the normal bit of consideration that you extend another human being. People love to hear this stuff and while they won't stop you from telling them, they think you are an asshole for doing it and will keep you at arms length.
You feel compelled to announce the situation, circumstance, or your expert advice to anyone not directly involved. Information is power and you are trying to be powerful at the expense of someone who trusted you. Everyone who hears you believes firmly you are a jerk and an asshole.
I hope when this happens to my friend that she will let it go and move on. When people do messed up things, it is about them and not you. Be careful that you don't get hung up when this happens to you. The old school rules apply here. Be the stand up person, stand up straight and move on, head up.
These things are have a very short shelf life. It is a bit of poetic justice that people tend to remember who the asshole was and very little about the circumstances around the issues that made them assholes. And it always works that you get what you give...please see the Karma post.
Love Dad
I did not become an expert in relationships, divorce, or any of the circumstances by virtue of her telling me about it. I don't feel compelled to dial up any of our mutual friends and tell them before she does. I regret that she is in so much pain right now.
I know that some frigging idiot that she tells is going to do a hack job on her. That someone is most likely going to be someone who has never been through what she is going through now. That person is going to tell other people who do not know her well. And invariably one of those persons who do not know her well will say something so stupid and not realize it. She will feel worse because of the stupid things people who do not know her well will say.
My public service announcement - if you know who someone who has done this don't hesitate to tell them they are assholes. Please feel free to send them this post, because despite their intentions they are assholes.
You are an asshole if:
You assume that you are a quasi expert because you have read about, heard about, or were told about a certain subject or topic. You are not, and the people listening to you know that you aren't - they think you are an asshole.
You do not respect that a person talked to you in confidence. This is not the exclusive domain of close friends, this is the normal bit of consideration that you extend another human being. People love to hear this stuff and while they won't stop you from telling them, they think you are an asshole for doing it and will keep you at arms length.
You feel compelled to announce the situation, circumstance, or your expert advice to anyone not directly involved. Information is power and you are trying to be powerful at the expense of someone who trusted you. Everyone who hears you believes firmly you are a jerk and an asshole.
I hope when this happens to my friend that she will let it go and move on. When people do messed up things, it is about them and not you. Be careful that you don't get hung up when this happens to you. The old school rules apply here. Be the stand up person, stand up straight and move on, head up.
These things are have a very short shelf life. It is a bit of poetic justice that people tend to remember who the asshole was and very little about the circumstances around the issues that made them assholes. And it always works that you get what you give...please see the Karma post.
Love Dad
Stronger
You have heard that saying "what does not kill you will make you stronger"?
Well I am here to tell you that is complete load of shit. If you survived an ass kicking with no real knowledge of how to navigate around the next one or avoid it altogether, you just have not done much at all. A lot of people confuse having a hard head with strength. I can attest to the fact that a hard head does not make you stronger.
We all endure those gut wrenching periods of confusion, self doubt, and stress. When this happens (and it happens to all of us) the goal should NEVER be to just endure those times. The goal is to learn to recognize them and learn how to navigate them better EACH TIME. You have survived these times before, learn to recognize them and how you successfully navigated them.
You are learning what all very successful people learn. You have challenged yourself and have high expectations of yourself. That will always come with a price of sorts. You will have those periods of doubt and stress more frequently than those that do not. The upside is that you will always achieve a great deal more personally and professionally than people who do not.
Learn that the doubt and stress, while very normal (it really is) is generally self imposed. We are our own hardest critics. Learning to forgive yourself and let some things go really goes a long way towards shortening those times of stress and doubt. You will find that almost always you are the last person to forgive yourself and let things that people have long forgotten go. Try to remember the last epic fail from any one of your friends..it just does not seem like much now.
I will tell you with a great deal of pride that you are light years ahead of where your mom and I were at your age. You always manage to impress the hell out of me.
The things that have made me stronger never did come close to killing me. The things that came close to killing me never made me stronger,
Love Dad
Well I am here to tell you that is complete load of shit. If you survived an ass kicking with no real knowledge of how to navigate around the next one or avoid it altogether, you just have not done much at all. A lot of people confuse having a hard head with strength. I can attest to the fact that a hard head does not make you stronger.
We all endure those gut wrenching periods of confusion, self doubt, and stress. When this happens (and it happens to all of us) the goal should NEVER be to just endure those times. The goal is to learn to recognize them and learn how to navigate them better EACH TIME. You have survived these times before, learn to recognize them and how you successfully navigated them.
You are learning what all very successful people learn. You have challenged yourself and have high expectations of yourself. That will always come with a price of sorts. You will have those periods of doubt and stress more frequently than those that do not. The upside is that you will always achieve a great deal more personally and professionally than people who do not.
Learn that the doubt and stress, while very normal (it really is) is generally self imposed. We are our own hardest critics. Learning to forgive yourself and let some things go really goes a long way towards shortening those times of stress and doubt. You will find that almost always you are the last person to forgive yourself and let things that people have long forgotten go. Try to remember the last epic fail from any one of your friends..it just does not seem like much now.
I will tell you with a great deal of pride that you are light years ahead of where your mom and I were at your age. You always manage to impress the hell out of me.
The things that have made me stronger never did come close to killing me. The things that came close to killing me never made me stronger,
Love Dad
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Compliments
You need to be able to accept a simple compliment and celebrate those wins that are decidedly less than epic. This is one a TOP TEN life skill..
This is the one thing that most everyone is really crappy at. Most times you are thinking about the things that you need to do, not the things you have done.
Someone this week has tried to tell you what a good job you have done and most likely you said something like "yea but...". You deserve a punch in the neck for saying "yea butt..." and not taking the time to momentarily enjoy a compliment someone has paid you. Yea but...is you shutting that person down for no real good reason. It is hard enough for people to give genuine compliments, you owe it to them and yourself to listen.
DO NOT try to minimize what they are telling you. LISTEN to what they are saying and don't talk over or around them.
The most elegant, old school thing to do is to look a person in the eye and say "THANK YOU, I have been working hard on (fill in the blank), I appreciate you noticing. How good would it feel for someone to do that when you gave them a compliment? Hmmmmm
Celebrating a small win, is nothing more than taking a minute to acknowledge to yourself that you accomplished a small goal in the pursuit of a larger one. Give yourself a pat on the back and let someone else do that. Treat yourself to a pop tart or a McRib and then move on.
These skills are like the other worthwhile ones, you have to practice them to be good at doing it. Old School Rules...look them in the eye, say thanks I have been working hard on that. Celebrate for a short minute or two and then move on. Both of you knuckleheads should have had at least a couple of pop tarts or McRibs this week.
That old school rule...it applies to your mom and me also. YES YOU ARE WELCOME!
Love Dad
This is the one thing that most everyone is really crappy at. Most times you are thinking about the things that you need to do, not the things you have done.
Someone this week has tried to tell you what a good job you have done and most likely you said something like "yea but...". You deserve a punch in the neck for saying "yea butt..." and not taking the time to momentarily enjoy a compliment someone has paid you. Yea but...is you shutting that person down for no real good reason. It is hard enough for people to give genuine compliments, you owe it to them and yourself to listen.
DO NOT try to minimize what they are telling you. LISTEN to what they are saying and don't talk over or around them.
The most elegant, old school thing to do is to look a person in the eye and say "THANK YOU, I have been working hard on (fill in the blank), I appreciate you noticing. How good would it feel for someone to do that when you gave them a compliment? Hmmmmm
Celebrating a small win, is nothing more than taking a minute to acknowledge to yourself that you accomplished a small goal in the pursuit of a larger one. Give yourself a pat on the back and let someone else do that. Treat yourself to a pop tart or a McRib and then move on.
These skills are like the other worthwhile ones, you have to practice them to be good at doing it. Old School Rules...look them in the eye, say thanks I have been working hard on that. Celebrate for a short minute or two and then move on. Both of you knuckleheads should have had at least a couple of pop tarts or McRibs this week.
That old school rule...it applies to your mom and me also. YES YOU ARE WELCOME!
Love Dad
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Apologies
Apologies should be brief, on topic, and sincere.
There are a lot of apologies that are not apologies at all. Here is a brief but concise list of the things that don't qualify as apologies. If you recognize anyone, please direct them to this posting. If you have been pointed to this posting, I sincerely hope you can recognize yourself and stop being such a dick.
If you say you are sorry for (fill in the blank) and in the same breath attempt to explain anything connected with your apology - It is not an apology, you are not sorry at all - you are still stating your case.
If it is not an apology for 100% of the incident or circumstance - It is not an apology - it is incredibly weak excuse.
If you say that something good came out of (fill in the blank) - It is not an apology, is a half assed explanation.
You need to clearly understand the difference between an apology and an excuse. If you apologize and then try to make an excuse for yourself - It is not an apology.
If you are not sorry, don't apologize.
If you apologize to placate anyone, you are not doing anything right for that person or yourself.
If you apologize and keep doing the same thing over and over again - It is not an apology, it is a self centered crappy explanation for being an asshole.
You cannot (and should not) apologize for anyone but yourself.
If you are going to apologize:
As a public service please remind these guys they are self centered dicks because of those self serving half assed apologies. Those kind of apologies are way worst than saying nothing at all.
Love Dad
There are a lot of apologies that are not apologies at all. Here is a brief but concise list of the things that don't qualify as apologies. If you recognize anyone, please direct them to this posting. If you have been pointed to this posting, I sincerely hope you can recognize yourself and stop being such a dick.
If you say you are sorry for (fill in the blank) and in the same breath attempt to explain anything connected with your apology - It is not an apology, you are not sorry at all - you are still stating your case.
If it is not an apology for 100% of the incident or circumstance - It is not an apology - it is incredibly weak excuse.
If you say that something good came out of (fill in the blank) - It is not an apology, is a half assed explanation.
You need to clearly understand the difference between an apology and an excuse. If you apologize and then try to make an excuse for yourself - It is not an apology.
If you are not sorry, don't apologize.
If you apologize to placate anyone, you are not doing anything right for that person or yourself.
If you apologize and keep doing the same thing over and over again - It is not an apology, it is a self centered crappy explanation for being an asshole.
You cannot (and should not) apologize for anyone but yourself.
If you are going to apologize:
- Don't apologize until you have a full understand of what and why you are apologizing
- Apologize for what you have done and keep it to that.
- When you apologize - make sure you mean it.
As a public service please remind these guys they are self centered dicks because of those self serving half assed apologies. Those kind of apologies are way worst than saying nothing at all.
Love Dad
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Square Wheels
Your mom has always has that remarkable patience and grace. I think the reason we make such a good couple is that in this regard I am almost the opposite of her. I tend to be impatient with myself and instead of grace I tend to try to push through things. If your mom is elegance, I am brute force.
The sincere hope is that you are able to strike the balance between both of these attributes. I keep learning that being tenacious alone is never enough. When you can balance tenacity with patience and grace, you will get far more done. What follows is my INVICTUS installment for this month and what I hope is an illustration of what I am trying to say.
No matter what always retain the ability to laugh at yourself. Humor is like aspirin, it takes away that pounding pain in your head.
After careful consideration, I made the decision to retire from the FD that I have spent my entire career at to move to another FD. A lot of this has to do with my decision to focus on paramedic skills. When you move from one FD to another the process involves a series of written tests, and interviews. A big part of the process is the physical agility tests.
Prior to the physical agility test for new FD, I injured my knee at the gym. I have no patience for myself. I kept working out hard to work through it. By the time the test rolls around, I am in agony. It is a timed test and physically demanding. I miss the completion time by 15 seconds and I am bounced from the process. I am floored, just crushed..this is stuff I can do in my sleep. I want to crawl in a hole an die.
I have another FD call me to go through their process, including physical agility. I go to the doctor 3 times. follow instructions, get the right physical therapy. Start to watch what I am eating and with rest, I really start to feel great. Your mom of course tried to get me to do this before the 1st testing process but I thought I could bull my way through it.
Today, I went through a more demanding physical agility test and passed with flying colors. I am starting with a new FD next week.
Tenacity alone is just not enough. When I try to power through things I am like this big race car with this huge engine and square frigging wheels. You can give it all the gas you want and run the hell out of the engine. Those square wheels are going to make progress real slow.
Don't be a race car with square friggin wheels.
The sincere hope is that you are able to strike the balance between both of these attributes. I keep learning that being tenacious alone is never enough. When you can balance tenacity with patience and grace, you will get far more done. What follows is my INVICTUS installment for this month and what I hope is an illustration of what I am trying to say.
No matter what always retain the ability to laugh at yourself. Humor is like aspirin, it takes away that pounding pain in your head.
After careful consideration, I made the decision to retire from the FD that I have spent my entire career at to move to another FD. A lot of this has to do with my decision to focus on paramedic skills. When you move from one FD to another the process involves a series of written tests, and interviews. A big part of the process is the physical agility tests.
Prior to the physical agility test for new FD, I injured my knee at the gym. I have no patience for myself. I kept working out hard to work through it. By the time the test rolls around, I am in agony. It is a timed test and physically demanding. I miss the completion time by 15 seconds and I am bounced from the process. I am floored, just crushed..this is stuff I can do in my sleep. I want to crawl in a hole an die.
I have another FD call me to go through their process, including physical agility. I go to the doctor 3 times. follow instructions, get the right physical therapy. Start to watch what I am eating and with rest, I really start to feel great. Your mom of course tried to get me to do this before the 1st testing process but I thought I could bull my way through it.
Today, I went through a more demanding physical agility test and passed with flying colors. I am starting with a new FD next week.
Tenacity alone is just not enough. When I try to power through things I am like this big race car with this huge engine and square frigging wheels. You can give it all the gas you want and run the hell out of the engine. Those square wheels are going to make progress real slow.
Don't be a race car with square friggin wheels.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Opinions
Opinions are not like assholes.
You should never limit yourself to a single opinion that fits everything.
Your opinions should never be so rigid that they cannot be swayed by overwhelming evidence that is fact based and not anecdotal. Your opinions are supposed to change as you gain more life experience.
Your ability to lead and influence people has a great deal to do with your ability to carefully listen and consider their opinions. This is especially true when the opinions differ from your own.
The opinions of people who disagree with you do not make them assholes. You are an asshole if you feel compelled to impose your opinion on anyone at the expense of their emotional or physical well being.
Having an opinion that is well researched and thoughtful should always be the goal. Opinions that are not well researched and thoughtful should be given the appropriate weight in any discussion.
Expressing your opinions in a loud, emphatic, or forceful way does not make them better.
On the other hand, you are only going to have one asshole and it is going to be in the same location - unless it is relocated due to medical necessity. And like an opinion, an asshole should never be the first thing that a person see's in you.
Love Dad
You should never limit yourself to a single opinion that fits everything.
Your opinions should never be so rigid that they cannot be swayed by overwhelming evidence that is fact based and not anecdotal. Your opinions are supposed to change as you gain more life experience.
Your ability to lead and influence people has a great deal to do with your ability to carefully listen and consider their opinions. This is especially true when the opinions differ from your own.
The opinions of people who disagree with you do not make them assholes. You are an asshole if you feel compelled to impose your opinion on anyone at the expense of their emotional or physical well being.
Having an opinion that is well researched and thoughtful should always be the goal. Opinions that are not well researched and thoughtful should be given the appropriate weight in any discussion.
Expressing your opinions in a loud, emphatic, or forceful way does not make them better.
On the other hand, you are only going to have one asshole and it is going to be in the same location - unless it is relocated due to medical necessity. And like an opinion, an asshole should never be the first thing that a person see's in you.
Love Dad
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