Marquess of Queensberry Rules

I told you about my friend before.  She has 3 kids who are school aged and on any given weekend she can be found at the one of the functions that they are involved in.  She has also taken in a young kid that came from an abusive background.  She cares deeply for her family and works hard to make it a home.  Her husband did some things that have put their marriage in a crisis.  It is a emotionally charged issue.  My friend is in pain, and it is the raw kind of pain. 

Most of her friends find out and I think almost everyone then has an opinion (which they share with her) on how she should proceed.  The opinions are wide and varied.  People tend to give you advice based on their experiences and backgrounds.  They will do this even if they don't have have experience or background in the particular area. 

There are some hard and fast rules that you need to follow if you find yourself in a position where a friend is in a jam.

- Your safety is a primary consideration.  I have seen a lot of people get the hell beat out of them because they walked over to watch a fight.  Things can spiral out of control really quickly.  FD rules apply here.  Only perform a rescue if you are fully trained to do so.  Leave rescue to the people that are trained to do it.

-If you put yourself in harms way or attempt a rescue (and you are not trained to do so) and become part of the incident you have made it far more complicated and dangerous for everyone, especially the rescuers.

-When a friend is telling you about problems, they generally don't want or expect you to fix them or propose solutions for them.  Just listen. 

-If you friend wants you to fix their problem for them, be suspicious of them.  The best you can do is postpone them dealing with their problems. Ultimately they have to fix their own problems.  Just listen, by the time they talk to you they really already know what they need to do.

-This is an important one.  Never become an anyone's emotional dumpster.  Some people have a habit of dumping shit all over you and then walking away.  They feel a lot better and you feel drained and smell like shit.  Some people are just never going to attempt to help themselves.  Those are people you got to walk away from.

-There are times when you do have to do something because they are in imminent danger.  When this happens you will know what is needed.  Call your dad by the way.   The only guy who should do this on a regular basis is Superman.  It is the exception and not the rule.

And last by not least.  Never, ever, let the shortcomings of anyone (even a dear friend) define what you can or cannot do.  When all hell is breaking loose you can stand tall by just being you.

My friend is going to be all right.  She has tough days ahead but she will make it.

Love Dad..

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