Most of the time when someone says something stupid or hurtful to you, they are aware they are doing it.
The default is to always treat people with courtesy. It becomes an obligation to do this when you are extended genuine courtesy. You are not obligated to treat anyone with courtesy when they make a point of not extending you the simple courtesy we all deserve. Courtesy is not dictated by voice tones, gestures, or the pretense of concern. Courtesy is dictated by intent and you should always trust that little voice in your head when determining if someone is pulling your chain or not. People that say crappy and stupid things just do not have the fortitude to speak their mind plainly.
The best way to handle people who have a propensity for this kind of behavior is just to avoid them. If you cannot avoid them, do not indulge them. Treat them in a blunt, straightforward manner and call them on the stupid shit they are saying. Don't mince words and don't hesitate to tell them to f**k off.
This does not change or rehabilitate them, but it keeps stupid and crazy from following you home.
Love Dad
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