My mom has had 2 extended hospital
visits in the past 2 weeks. In both cases she had confirmed heart
attacks. Emergency surgery was done both times to place stents to
address blockages that were 85 - 95 %. A total of 4 stents were
placed. She experienced a severe allergy during last surgery and spent
a couple of days in ICU while doctors managed what was as much of a
life threat as her heart attacks. She is home and resting now. There
are other significant gastrointestinal problems that are being made
worse by the significant stress she is under.
We
all know she is under a ridiculous amount of stress. And on the
surface it is easy to point to a couple of things. I have two siblings
(brother and sister) who live lifestyles that are full of dramatic
problems around their relationships, homes, ex husbands/wives, children,
and financial hardship. Frequently, they call my mom to involve her in
the current drama that is unfolding to bear witness, assist, or taken
them on. They borrow large amounts of money, threaten to remove
themselves, their children, and their undying love if some condition is
not met. They come in and go like frequent, random tornado's.
My siblings are NOT the cause of my mom's stress, far from it. My mom is the cause of her own stress.
In FD terms the rescuer should never become the rescued (the victim) because he has failed to take all safety precautions for themselves their crew. In my FD career I have watched a fire burn because overhead wires were down and power was not confirmed to be off. I have also had to wait until power lines were confirmed off before starting a rescue of a car vs a power pole line. What looks like indifference saved lives on those days. Acting without careful consideration of the consequence is always dangerous. When there is a fire burning, the need for everyone to act is compelling. Compelling is just not enough, there has to be a reason to put it out and the risk to do so needs to be examined every time. Remember you risk a lot, to get a lot. Don't risk for the sake of ego or what other people think might be the right thing to do. Don't risk a lot for nothing.
My mom has been putting out fires for years without any regard to whether they needed to burn or not. She has flung her door open to every passing tornado and has dealt with the heartbreak of losing stuff and having important stuff broken. There is an important life lesson here. Love yourself first and foremost, you will find that this foundation lets you sort out quickly what is a real fire and a real tornado. There are plenty of times when fires will burn and tornado's will pass by your closed door. If too many things are emergencies, you will start to lose track of what is a real emergency and when that real emergency comes you get the hell pounded out of you. My mom was so versed in putting at all fires and flinging open her door to all the passing tornado's that when the real one came she was unaware and unprepared. It damn near killed her.
And as much as I love you both, I always put my mask on first. In all of your times of great need, I was wearing my own oxygen mask before attempting to assist you with yours. Extend all of your loved ones, friends, and family the same courtesy.
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