Learning to relax is not easy at all.
There are a lot of things that pass for relaxing that are not relaxing at all. They let you escape, postpone, and forget. It is not hard to get into trouble trying to find that those things that will help you escape, postpone, or forget the burdens you carry. We all carry our burdens. Important to remember they are burdens to carry, not crosses to bear.
Burdens are not things that are thrust on you by chance or circumstance. Burdens are the things that we choose to carry. Everyone carries burdens, I certainly do. They are my burdens, unique to me. That is why no one can assume them, carry them, or make them go away for me. That is something that I have to do. Your burdens work the same way, they are unique to you. No one can carry them for you or make them go away. They are the things we have chosen to carry.
So you need to learn to put your burdens down to relax. It is so simple it is hard. You gather them up and put them on a shelf for an hour or two while you read a book, watch a movie, take a hike, work out etc. You mind needs to take a break just like your body needs to sleep. Those burdens don't get bigger, or grow legs while you are away for a short time. They remain remarkably the same.
You should also reserve the right to take that time for just you if that is what is needed. In other words, feel free to send people away so you can get that needed break.
A half assed break to relax is like getting a full night of really crappy sleep.
And please don't tell me you are too busy to take care of yourself. No one is that busy...don't confuse being disorganized to being busy.
Love Dad.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Required Reading
My book of the month choice. It is a great book that will help you and your friends deal with those special people in your life. It is a great short read and it is book that you will loan out many times. Buy yourself a copy today.
The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't
Assholes routinely make people feel bad about themselves, make the environment they work or live in almost intolerable, make good people leave places they love and generally focus misplaced aggression on people who they feel are less powerful than they are. This enlightened book helps you realize how much these people need to be managed. It is strategies for getting rid of or dealing with the assholes in the places you work, live, and play.
You have assholes in your life today (this is straight from his book) if they pass the two tests that help with the recognition of the asshole:
Assholes thrive because they count of a person's natural desire to just get along with people and not create tension. Make the place you work, live, or play an asshole free zone. Give them hell.
Hey, by the way tomorrow is Grandma's birthday - she is 70. Make sure you call her and wish her happy birthday. She loves you dearly.
Love Dad..
The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't
Assholes routinely make people feel bad about themselves, make the environment they work or live in almost intolerable, make good people leave places they love and generally focus misplaced aggression on people who they feel are less powerful than they are. This enlightened book helps you realize how much these people need to be managed. It is strategies for getting rid of or dealing with the assholes in the places you work, live, and play.
You have assholes in your life today (this is straight from his book) if they pass the two tests that help with the recognition of the asshole:
- After encountering the person, do people feel oppressed, humiliated or otherwise worse about themselves?
- Does the person target people who are less powerful than themselves?
Assholes thrive because they count of a person's natural desire to just get along with people and not create tension. Make the place you work, live, or play an asshole free zone. Give them hell.
Hey, by the way tomorrow is Grandma's birthday - she is 70. Make sure you call her and wish her happy birthday. She loves you dearly.
Love Dad..
Monday, January 24, 2011
The Brick
There was the one remaining fly in the house. Every house has a fly like that. The one fly that hides out until December or January and looks like a bumble bee.
I knew exactly what I had to do. I went into the garage to get the big can of wasp spray and I grab the garage broom. When I went back into the house, I also rolled up a big chunk of the Sunday paper. I am standing there the the broom propped up against the counter, rolled up paper, and start shaking the wasp spray.
Your mom comes into the kitchen and asks me what I am doing. It is cold here now and all the doors and windows are closed tight. I tell her that I am going to kill the fly. She shakes her head and walks over to the sliding glass door and opens it. With a couple of waves of her hand the fly goes right through the open door.
I hate it when that happens.
Killing a fly with a brick never really works out well. You break a lot of things you never intended to break. A lot of people like watching someone kill the fly with the brick. But if you are the person throwing the brick, you end up being the entertainment in a way that is not good at all. The brick thrower is the guy you want to watch but avoid.
A measured response can be smart and elegant in a way that a brick just cannot. So if you are faced with a shit eating, disease carrying pest, open the door.
There are certainly times where the brick is needed...but they are few and far between. More about that later.
Love Dad
I knew exactly what I had to do. I went into the garage to get the big can of wasp spray and I grab the garage broom. When I went back into the house, I also rolled up a big chunk of the Sunday paper. I am standing there the the broom propped up against the counter, rolled up paper, and start shaking the wasp spray.
Your mom comes into the kitchen and asks me what I am doing. It is cold here now and all the doors and windows are closed tight. I tell her that I am going to kill the fly. She shakes her head and walks over to the sliding glass door and opens it. With a couple of waves of her hand the fly goes right through the open door.
I hate it when that happens.
Killing a fly with a brick never really works out well. You break a lot of things you never intended to break. A lot of people like watching someone kill the fly with the brick. But if you are the person throwing the brick, you end up being the entertainment in a way that is not good at all. The brick thrower is the guy you want to watch but avoid.
A measured response can be smart and elegant in a way that a brick just cannot. So if you are faced with a shit eating, disease carrying pest, open the door.
There are certainly times where the brick is needed...but they are few and far between. More about that later.
Love Dad
Run
Everyone has this really terrible habit of comparing themselves against other people as a measure where we currently are. Invariably the person we compare ourselves to has a better GPA, better job, better, relationship, better resume, or more money that you do. You ask these questions when you are having those normal periods of doubt that we all have.
When you ask why people are doing better than you, there is an easy answer. Generally these people have been working as hard as you have, they have just been doing it longer. So as much as you would like to flog yourself over your shortcomings, it is as straight forward that some of these whiz kids just got started sooner than you did.
You are already finding out that the things that are meaningful to you will always require your hard work and attention. There is no substitute for hard work. Hard work is also the great equalizer. So you get better by working hard. It is as simple as that. Invariably there will be people who chose not to work very hard and they will fall outside of the standard.
So imagine you decided to run a 5K. Think about the logic of standing on the sidelines of the race and lamenting the fact that you are not among the current leaders when you have not trained. Think about the logic of worrying how hard you can run instead of running . Think about the logic of wondering about the people who have chosen not to run. You simply need to run... Run Forrest
The greatest satisfaction you will find in almost any endeavor is that you worked as hard as you could have possibly worked. Regrets are not from coming up short, regrets are for those times where you could have worked harder and did not. If you have those regrets..learn to forgive yourself and don't beat yourself up. While you are beating yourself up, the race is on and everyone else is running.
Run Forrest.
Love Dad
When you ask why people are doing better than you, there is an easy answer. Generally these people have been working as hard as you have, they have just been doing it longer. So as much as you would like to flog yourself over your shortcomings, it is as straight forward that some of these whiz kids just got started sooner than you did.
You are already finding out that the things that are meaningful to you will always require your hard work and attention. There is no substitute for hard work. Hard work is also the great equalizer. So you get better by working hard. It is as simple as that. Invariably there will be people who chose not to work very hard and they will fall outside of the standard.
So imagine you decided to run a 5K. Think about the logic of standing on the sidelines of the race and lamenting the fact that you are not among the current leaders when you have not trained. Think about the logic of worrying how hard you can run instead of running . Think about the logic of wondering about the people who have chosen not to run. You simply need to run... Run Forrest
The greatest satisfaction you will find in almost any endeavor is that you worked as hard as you could have possibly worked. Regrets are not from coming up short, regrets are for those times where you could have worked harder and did not. If you have those regrets..learn to forgive yourself and don't beat yourself up. While you are beating yourself up, the race is on and everyone else is running.
Run Forrest.
Love Dad
Monday, January 17, 2011
Throwing Rocks II
It was a different day then. We were raised old school, kids were punished for being out of line. Corporal punishment was applied when the offense was severe enough. My mom was way ahead of her time. She applied roughly the same grading system used by the criminal justice systems in most states for felonies. The worst punishment was reserved for the person who actually committed the transgression. Because we were a family of 5 kids, she also recognized different levels of transgressions. People who were there while it was happening but did not actually do it (aiding and abetting). People who assisted the person doing it but where not there when it happened (accessory before the fact). And finally people who tried to help cover up it up after the fact (accessory after the fact). Punishment was handed out depending on what category you fell into.
So when we broke that sliding glass window we were thinking we had were in the top two categories. Both of these fell into the category where corporal punishment was expected. Waiting for the punishment was far worse than the actual corporal punishment itself.
We were both sent a room that we shared with our younger brother and told to lay facing the wall. It was pure agony listening the the muffled voices of my mom and dad. You could never make out what they said. To make matters worse we had hardwood floors and you could hear each step that move away and towards you.
In every single person, there is a driving need to have the last word. It is worse when you believe that you are either in the right or have been wronged. The last word creates more havoc and hell that almost anything else in life. It is the one thing that cause a completely manageable situation to descend into chaos. The need to have the last word will not only keep a situation from getting way worse but it will cost you far more than you can recognize right then. It just absolutely blinds people.
So, my mom and dads voice faded away and after about 30 minutes (5 days in kid time) we start to realize that we have escaped any corporal punishment. Its then that I decide to roll over and tell my older brother was an asshole he was and how stupid he was. He rolls over and tells me what a girl I am. We are laying on single beds, feet apart saying every bad thing we can to each other.
My dad's voice comes booming down the hallway telling us we better not push our luck and be very quiet.
The last word came from me. I said the worst thing I could think of , I rolled over and called my brother a F*CKER. He was stunned, back then it really was the worst thing you could say. There is no equivalent word today. He starts giggling and then I start giggling.
Neither one of us heard dad coming down the hallway, I just remember him standing there when I opened my eyes. We were not spared corporal punishment the second time around. In fact we got the original along with new one.
The need to have the last word is a handicap that most people have. Strong willed people are the worst. So if you find yourself up to your neck in shit, unable to get to safety or sanity because you JUST HAVE TO say one more thing. STOP IT...simply get out of the shit pool and leave with whatever dignity you can muster. You can make it worse and in most cases depending on the passions involved you can make it way worse. Having the moral high ground does not make you less stupid here. One of the first casualties of last word syndrome is your dignity and credibility. Nothing entertains people quite as much as seeing people throw away hard earned credibility and dignity. Never be the floor show.
Also if you see someone with last word blinders on, help them as much as you can without getting into the shit pool with them.
Love Dad
So when we broke that sliding glass window we were thinking we had were in the top two categories. Both of these fell into the category where corporal punishment was expected. Waiting for the punishment was far worse than the actual corporal punishment itself.
We were both sent a room that we shared with our younger brother and told to lay facing the wall. It was pure agony listening the the muffled voices of my mom and dad. You could never make out what they said. To make matters worse we had hardwood floors and you could hear each step that move away and towards you.
In every single person, there is a driving need to have the last word. It is worse when you believe that you are either in the right or have been wronged. The last word creates more havoc and hell that almost anything else in life. It is the one thing that cause a completely manageable situation to descend into chaos. The need to have the last word will not only keep a situation from getting way worse but it will cost you far more than you can recognize right then. It just absolutely blinds people.
So, my mom and dads voice faded away and after about 30 minutes (5 days in kid time) we start to realize that we have escaped any corporal punishment. Its then that I decide to roll over and tell my older brother was an asshole he was and how stupid he was. He rolls over and tells me what a girl I am. We are laying on single beds, feet apart saying every bad thing we can to each other.
My dad's voice comes booming down the hallway telling us we better not push our luck and be very quiet.
The last word came from me. I said the worst thing I could think of , I rolled over and called my brother a F*CKER. He was stunned, back then it really was the worst thing you could say. There is no equivalent word today. He starts giggling and then I start giggling.
Neither one of us heard dad coming down the hallway, I just remember him standing there when I opened my eyes. We were not spared corporal punishment the second time around. In fact we got the original along with new one.
The need to have the last word is a handicap that most people have. Strong willed people are the worst. So if you find yourself up to your neck in shit, unable to get to safety or sanity because you JUST HAVE TO say one more thing. STOP IT...simply get out of the shit pool and leave with whatever dignity you can muster. You can make it worse and in most cases depending on the passions involved you can make it way worse. Having the moral high ground does not make you less stupid here. One of the first casualties of last word syndrome is your dignity and credibility. Nothing entertains people quite as much as seeing people throw away hard earned credibility and dignity. Never be the floor show.
Also if you see someone with last word blinders on, help them as much as you can without getting into the shit pool with them.
Love Dad
Throwing Rocks
I think we were about 6 years and 8 years old respectively. Me and my older brother (uncle Phil) were out playing in the yard of our childhood home on a cool fall day. There were not a lot of kids our age in the neighborhood so we played together a lot.
At some point we decided to get a softball sized rock from the yard and play catch with it. Not sure why a rock was a better idea than the actual kickballs, softballs, and footballs that we had. It will remain one of those mysteries of how the brain of a 6 year works.
We lobbed the rock underhanded to each other and we started to move further and further apart on a dare. After a couple of minutes of uneventful catch, we decide to increase the degree of difficulty and make it a higher stakes game of catch. In a bit of reasoning that is hard to explain (even today), we decided to move up on the concrete pad and play catch in in front of the sliding glass door.
I am not sure who threw it too hard first but we went from lobbing the rock to throwing it like a baseball in no time at all. We were both getting mad at each other but we just could not stop. Neither one of us wanted to be the first one to walk away from a really stupid game of catch.
When I saw my brother really start to wind up I decided to teach him a lesson and jumped out of the way.
I cannot explain the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw both my mom and dad looking at the hole and then looking at me and my brother. We were standing perfectly still looking at the hole and then looking at them waiting for them to say something.
I had worked it all out in my head before I jumped out of the way, If I did not throw the rock, I could not be punished for it. I was clearly the victim here. Both of my parents worked hard, did not occur to me in any way that in a family of 5, there was not a budget for replacing sliding glass doors.
When my mom sat me down across from her and Dad at the kitchen table and asked me what I was thinking, I could only hang my head. It was hard to look at her I felt like a complete idiot. More so because although I never did fess up to it, I was the one who jumped out of the way on purpose. I was sent up to my room and I was relieved. It was way easier to get punished that to try and explain myself.
So there are a couple of things for you here.
-Don't throw rocks for the hell of it.
-Rock catching contests are bad idea's in any forms,
-Walk away from a rock catching contest even if you were not the last one to throw it back as hard as it was thrown to you.
-Planning to be the victim or trying to make someone pay by being the victim is a very bad idea.
-Blind anger will always cloud your judgment.
-Never hide behind a punishment.
-Always try to make your mom proud
Love Dad.
At some point we decided to get a softball sized rock from the yard and play catch with it. Not sure why a rock was a better idea than the actual kickballs, softballs, and footballs that we had. It will remain one of those mysteries of how the brain of a 6 year works.
We lobbed the rock underhanded to each other and we started to move further and further apart on a dare. After a couple of minutes of uneventful catch, we decide to increase the degree of difficulty and make it a higher stakes game of catch. In a bit of reasoning that is hard to explain (even today), we decided to move up on the concrete pad and play catch in in front of the sliding glass door.
I am not sure who threw it too hard first but we went from lobbing the rock to throwing it like a baseball in no time at all. We were both getting mad at each other but we just could not stop. Neither one of us wanted to be the first one to walk away from a really stupid game of catch.
When I saw my brother really start to wind up I decided to teach him a lesson and jumped out of the way.
I cannot explain the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw both my mom and dad looking at the hole and then looking at me and my brother. We were standing perfectly still looking at the hole and then looking at them waiting for them to say something.
I had worked it all out in my head before I jumped out of the way, If I did not throw the rock, I could not be punished for it. I was clearly the victim here. Both of my parents worked hard, did not occur to me in any way that in a family of 5, there was not a budget for replacing sliding glass doors.
When my mom sat me down across from her and Dad at the kitchen table and asked me what I was thinking, I could only hang my head. It was hard to look at her I felt like a complete idiot. More so because although I never did fess up to it, I was the one who jumped out of the way on purpose. I was sent up to my room and I was relieved. It was way easier to get punished that to try and explain myself.
So there are a couple of things for you here.
-Don't throw rocks for the hell of it.
-Rock catching contests are bad idea's in any forms,
-Walk away from a rock catching contest even if you were not the last one to throw it back as hard as it was thrown to you.
-Planning to be the victim or trying to make someone pay by being the victim is a very bad idea.
-Blind anger will always cloud your judgment.
-Never hide behind a punishment.
-Always try to make your mom proud
Love Dad.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Casual Crappy Comments
Most people that say crappy things are well aware that they are saying crappy things. These people talk in ambiguities on purpose.
These people are friends of friends, people that know you in passing or have formed an opinion about you without ever taking the time to know you. They are people you find in your classes, dorms, work, and clubs. These people don't disappear, they are part of the landscape. Kind of like dog shit in the park.
To be perfectly honest there are people that I bump into or have to deal with that I do not hold in very high esteem. It is easy enough to deal with them. Just keep it the level that is needed to get the work done. It would not raise my self esteem or make me feel better to be crappy to them. That does not make me a better human being, it just makes me a human being.
That does not mean I am exempt from these knuckleheads. Seems like every so often someone will feels compelled to do that passive / aggressive thing and throw something out there.
So I hope that when it happens to you (and it will) you take my advice here.
Always call them on it. It is enough most times to just tell them it was a shitty thing to say and you don't appreciate it. For me nothing quite beats the elegance of a heartfelt f*ck you". I will never be able to appreciate people who do not have the fortitude to be straight forward.
When they say "what do mean? or what is wrong with you?, or why did you say that? I ask them what they meant by what they said. What point were they trying to make? And when they give you that lame answer make sure and answer them with a firm "bullshit".
You aren't going to rehabilitate these people, if they stop doing it to you, they will say it to someone else who will not say anything. These people are bottom feeders who feel strong when they can make others feel doubt or feel weak. They don't do it for any real reason other than they can. It's not you in particular, its them.
Remember to never let yourself be defined by what another person is unable or unwilling to do.
Love Dad
These people are friends of friends, people that know you in passing or have formed an opinion about you without ever taking the time to know you. They are people you find in your classes, dorms, work, and clubs. These people don't disappear, they are part of the landscape. Kind of like dog shit in the park.
To be perfectly honest there are people that I bump into or have to deal with that I do not hold in very high esteem. It is easy enough to deal with them. Just keep it the level that is needed to get the work done. It would not raise my self esteem or make me feel better to be crappy to them. That does not make me a better human being, it just makes me a human being.
That does not mean I am exempt from these knuckleheads. Seems like every so often someone will feels compelled to do that passive / aggressive thing and throw something out there.
So I hope that when it happens to you (and it will) you take my advice here.
Always call them on it. It is enough most times to just tell them it was a shitty thing to say and you don't appreciate it. For me nothing quite beats the elegance of a heartfelt f*ck you". I will never be able to appreciate people who do not have the fortitude to be straight forward.
When they say "what do mean? or what is wrong with you?, or why did you say that? I ask them what they meant by what they said. What point were they trying to make? And when they give you that lame answer make sure and answer them with a firm "bullshit".
You aren't going to rehabilitate these people, if they stop doing it to you, they will say it to someone else who will not say anything. These people are bottom feeders who feel strong when they can make others feel doubt or feel weak. They don't do it for any real reason other than they can. It's not you in particular, its them.
Remember to never let yourself be defined by what another person is unable or unwilling to do.
Love Dad
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Empty Nest
I always cringe when I hear people use the term "empty nest".
Empty is the wrong word. Our home has never stopped feeling like a home. Even when you are not physically in the house you never really stopped being a big part of making it the home that it is. That is what makes it so nice to come home, it will always feel like home to you. The bonus is that when you come home, you always add a new memory or two to a house that is already full of them.
The "nest" never feels empty.
You have a very strong unshakable foundation here. When you walk in the door it will always feel like home. And although I miss you both, it never stops feeling like home for me also.
Love Dad
Empty is the wrong word. Our home has never stopped feeling like a home. Even when you are not physically in the house you never really stopped being a big part of making it the home that it is. That is what makes it so nice to come home, it will always feel like home to you. The bonus is that when you come home, you always add a new memory or two to a house that is already full of them.
The "nest" never feels empty.
You have a very strong unshakable foundation here. When you walk in the door it will always feel like home. And although I miss you both, it never stops feeling like home for me also.
Love Dad
Monday, January 10, 2011
Speech/Lecture 1
Well you are both back now.at school. As promised I am going to document the regular speeches you get in the car on your way back to the dorm or to the airport.
Number 1 in the series is your favorite and mine. It is the Safety Speech.
You should never live in fear. It seems that the powers that be think that strong, violent, and edgy images are the way to reach out to you about drinking, drugs, and crime. Every year I get videos sent to me about kids dying in slow motion in car wrecks or a meth kid doing gross things to support a drug habit. I have never really gotten all those gross out images. In real life, these things are heart breaking in a way that is difficult to describe. With the FD I have seen lives changed in an instant with a permanence that is still amazing to me. I am not a believer in gross out stories - even the real life ones. They don't translate at all.
The people who end up in unanticipated life changing situations are normal people like you and me. They find themselves in unimaginable situations because they made poor decisions and did not apply common sense to a potentially bad situation. For the most part, they are people that would be very recognizable to you.
The very non dramatic lesson here is that being well informed, aware of surroundings, and using an abundance of common sense and caution will keep you out of most of the real crappy situations.
Trust your instincts, the other common thread you find is that people who are the victims often say that in retrospect there was something about the situation that felt wrong or did not feel right. If you find yourself unexpectedly in a bad situation the simple rule is to leave. Call me or mom, take a cab, use the ride program, or call a friend who is not impaired. This is where degree's of common sense apply. Don't walk home at 3 AM by yourself to get out of a bad spot. There are too many resources available for you to do this. Don't trade one bad situation for another. You have no idea how happy it would make me to reimburse you for cab fare. If you want to know if your pride at saving 20 dollars for a cab ride is worth more than my piece of mind, the answer is no. Piece of mind, is a great thing to give a parent and if you can do it for a cab ride, well that is a hell of deal.
As much as I don't think that scare tactics are appropriate way to make any point you need to know that there are genuinely bad people out there. They are not all boogie men, they almost are always in plain sight. I can't say it enough - common sense is best defense. You are not exempt because of where you live, what you do, or that you have walked down street a hundred times before. Err on the side of caution.
You also need to know that there are times when you cannot prevent a friend or an acquaintance from doing something stupid or risky. I can't tell you how much it sucks when you find out that an sober occupant of a car was killed or hurt badly because a drunk driver in the same car was behind the wheel. There are things and situations you cannot fix. Two victims instead of one.never, ever makes sense.
And last but certainly not least. There is nothing you cannot call me or your mom for. We have a very firm grasp on priorities and your health and safety is always at the top of the list. We are not the least bit interested in being right or making points. I can - no matter the distance, time of day, or circumstance arrange for immediate relief to come your way or to get you extricated from a bad spot. You have a permanent get out of jail free card from me. Call me, we will get it sorted out, get you safe, back on your feet. Having messed up a time or two at your age, I never understood why people felt compelled to state the obvious. It is kind of like someone pointing out you have dog shit on your shoes when you are sitting on the step cleaning your shoes with a stick. It is just not helpful or particularly insightful. You won't find me telling you that you have dog shit on your shoes.
Stay safe. And by the way it would not hurt to take a self defense class would it? Go ahead...make my day.
Love Dad
Number 1 in the series is your favorite and mine. It is the Safety Speech.
You should never live in fear. It seems that the powers that be think that strong, violent, and edgy images are the way to reach out to you about drinking, drugs, and crime. Every year I get videos sent to me about kids dying in slow motion in car wrecks or a meth kid doing gross things to support a drug habit. I have never really gotten all those gross out images. In real life, these things are heart breaking in a way that is difficult to describe. With the FD I have seen lives changed in an instant with a permanence that is still amazing to me. I am not a believer in gross out stories - even the real life ones. They don't translate at all.
The people who end up in unanticipated life changing situations are normal people like you and me. They find themselves in unimaginable situations because they made poor decisions and did not apply common sense to a potentially bad situation. For the most part, they are people that would be very recognizable to you.
The very non dramatic lesson here is that being well informed, aware of surroundings, and using an abundance of common sense and caution will keep you out of most of the real crappy situations.
Trust your instincts, the other common thread you find is that people who are the victims often say that in retrospect there was something about the situation that felt wrong or did not feel right. If you find yourself unexpectedly in a bad situation the simple rule is to leave. Call me or mom, take a cab, use the ride program, or call a friend who is not impaired. This is where degree's of common sense apply. Don't walk home at 3 AM by yourself to get out of a bad spot. There are too many resources available for you to do this. Don't trade one bad situation for another. You have no idea how happy it would make me to reimburse you for cab fare. If you want to know if your pride at saving 20 dollars for a cab ride is worth more than my piece of mind, the answer is no. Piece of mind, is a great thing to give a parent and if you can do it for a cab ride, well that is a hell of deal.
As much as I don't think that scare tactics are appropriate way to make any point you need to know that there are genuinely bad people out there. They are not all boogie men, they almost are always in plain sight. I can't say it enough - common sense is best defense. You are not exempt because of where you live, what you do, or that you have walked down street a hundred times before. Err on the side of caution.
You also need to know that there are times when you cannot prevent a friend or an acquaintance from doing something stupid or risky. I can't tell you how much it sucks when you find out that an sober occupant of a car was killed or hurt badly because a drunk driver in the same car was behind the wheel. There are things and situations you cannot fix. Two victims instead of one.never, ever makes sense.
And last but certainly not least. There is nothing you cannot call me or your mom for. We have a very firm grasp on priorities and your health and safety is always at the top of the list. We are not the least bit interested in being right or making points. I can - no matter the distance, time of day, or circumstance arrange for immediate relief to come your way or to get you extricated from a bad spot. You have a permanent get out of jail free card from me. Call me, we will get it sorted out, get you safe, back on your feet. Having messed up a time or two at your age, I never understood why people felt compelled to state the obvious. It is kind of like someone pointing out you have dog shit on your shoes when you are sitting on the step cleaning your shoes with a stick. It is just not helpful or particularly insightful. You won't find me telling you that you have dog shit on your shoes.
Stay safe. And by the way it would not hurt to take a self defense class would it? Go ahead...make my day.
Love Dad
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Another Top 10
True story. I am going to change the names here to protect the innocent, but you have met this person so you will know immediately who she is. I am gong to call her B.
B and I have know each other for over a decade. We have worked together. During Christmas, she is part of the group of my friends who finds a family in need and makes Christmas happen for them. She has always been very generous with these families. She and her husband have been over to the house a bunch of times, she has supported the FD fundraisers. B works hard to take care of her mother who is house bound, shoot she even took in her father in law who has some health problems. She seems to throw herself into anything she is involved in.
Then a couple of years there was a layoff scare at work.
As you would expect, your mom stood heads and tails above anyone else. She is one of those people who will always be standing tall when things get tough or go to hell. . And like the people who do this on a routine basis, she just refuses to acknowledge that she does it. For her it is the "right" thing and in all time I have known her, I have never known her to not do the right thing. That strong moral compass you both have is no accident.
Other friends (especially FD) never hesitated. They were just there without asking or giving it a second thought. People who I considered acquaintances turned out to be friends that I just never fully recognized. At the time you just don't think of the people that are NOT there. You just have a deep appreciation for the ones that are.
My friend B, just disappeared during that entire time. When the scare was over, she reappeared like it never happened.
I know when things go to hell people will be true to who they are. There is a group of people who will always use the occasion to stand tall. You both are like that, I love seeing that in you. Like your mom, you do it without thinking because it is who you are.
So at times like that you got to make a really important decision. This on the top 10 of life skills. Always make the choice to recognize and appreciate the people that stood with you during those tough times. These are the people that will be your lifelines. DO NOT judge, punish, ignore, or be mean to the people who did not. They have been true to who they are and by virtue of that, they have been true to you.
If you feel compelled to shame them, change them, or punish them you have got to look really close at what you are trying to accomplish and for whom. It is a complete and total waste of time to punish people for what you think they should be. Celebrate and embrace the people who were there. Appreciate deeply that you know the difference between the people that will be there and the people who are not wired that way.
B is still my friend. She has not really changed much in all the time I have known her. Next Christmas she will be part of the group that adopts a family and make Christmas happen. She still does a great job taking care of her mom. It would never make sense for me to be crappy to her.
Most importantly, if all hell was breaking loose for my friend B, I would stand tall for her. It is who I am. I'd never let what another can't do define what I could.
Love Dad
B and I have know each other for over a decade. We have worked together. During Christmas, she is part of the group of my friends who finds a family in need and makes Christmas happen for them. She has always been very generous with these families. She and her husband have been over to the house a bunch of times, she has supported the FD fundraisers. B works hard to take care of her mother who is house bound, shoot she even took in her father in law who has some health problems. She seems to throw herself into anything she is involved in.
Then a couple of years there was a layoff scare at work.
As you would expect, your mom stood heads and tails above anyone else. She is one of those people who will always be standing tall when things get tough or go to hell. . And like the people who do this on a routine basis, she just refuses to acknowledge that she does it. For her it is the "right" thing and in all time I have known her, I have never known her to not do the right thing. That strong moral compass you both have is no accident.
Other friends (especially FD) never hesitated. They were just there without asking or giving it a second thought. People who I considered acquaintances turned out to be friends that I just never fully recognized. At the time you just don't think of the people that are NOT there. You just have a deep appreciation for the ones that are.
My friend B, just disappeared during that entire time. When the scare was over, she reappeared like it never happened.
I know when things go to hell people will be true to who they are. There is a group of people who will always use the occasion to stand tall. You both are like that, I love seeing that in you. Like your mom, you do it without thinking because it is who you are.
So at times like that you got to make a really important decision. This on the top 10 of life skills. Always make the choice to recognize and appreciate the people that stood with you during those tough times. These are the people that will be your lifelines. DO NOT judge, punish, ignore, or be mean to the people who did not. They have been true to who they are and by virtue of that, they have been true to you.
If you feel compelled to shame them, change them, or punish them you have got to look really close at what you are trying to accomplish and for whom. It is a complete and total waste of time to punish people for what you think they should be. Celebrate and embrace the people who were there. Appreciate deeply that you know the difference between the people that will be there and the people who are not wired that way.
B is still my friend. She has not really changed much in all the time I have known her. Next Christmas she will be part of the group that adopts a family and make Christmas happen. She still does a great job taking care of her mom. It would never make sense for me to be crappy to her.
Most importantly, if all hell was breaking loose for my friend B, I would stand tall for her. It is who I am. I'd never let what another can't do define what I could.
Love Dad
Monday, January 3, 2011
Half Empty/Full
I am not a glass half empty/full person. I believe that full glasses are not supposed to remain full, Full glasses are supposed to be emptied. Empty glasses should be full. I am not the guy who is going to contemplate the contents of a glass. I am going to fill it or empty it.
Empty glasses are the goal.
In 5 short days you leave to go back to school. My glass will be full for 5 days. Every day I will try to empty that glass and enjoy every minute. I will not for a minute worry about an empty glass during that time.
When you go, I will get that empty glass. But rest assured that as soon as I see the bottom of that friggin glass, I will already be working on filling it right back up again.
So don't get in the habit of contemplating half empty/full glasses. Work on emptying them and then filling them back up.
Don't lament the empty glass, that is the goal.
P.S. If you see an empty glass and can fill it, don't hesitate to do so.
Love Dad
Empty glasses are the goal.
In 5 short days you leave to go back to school. My glass will be full for 5 days. Every day I will try to empty that glass and enjoy every minute. I will not for a minute worry about an empty glass during that time.
When you go, I will get that empty glass. But rest assured that as soon as I see the bottom of that friggin glass, I will already be working on filling it right back up again.
So don't get in the habit of contemplating half empty/full glasses. Work on emptying them and then filling them back up.
Don't lament the empty glass, that is the goal.
P.S. If you see an empty glass and can fill it, don't hesitate to do so.
Love Dad
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)