True story. I am going to change the names here to protect the innocent, but you have met this person so you will know immediately who she is. I am gong to call her B.
B and I have know each other for over a decade. We have worked together. During Christmas, she is part of the group of my friends who finds a family in need and makes Christmas happen for them. She has always been very generous with these families. She and her husband have been over to the house a bunch of times, she has supported the FD fundraisers. B works hard to take care of her mother who is house bound, shoot she even took in her father in law who has some health problems. She seems to throw herself into anything she is involved in.
Then a couple of years there was a layoff scare at work.
As you would expect, your mom stood heads and tails above anyone else. She is one of those people who will always be standing tall when things get tough or go to hell. . And like the people who do this on a routine basis, she just refuses to acknowledge that she does it. For her it is the "right" thing and in all time I have known her, I have never known her to not do the right thing. That strong moral compass you both have is no accident.
Other friends (especially FD) never hesitated. They were just there without asking or giving it a second thought. People who I considered acquaintances turned out to be friends that I just never fully recognized. At the time you just don't think of the people that are NOT there. You just have a deep appreciation for the ones that are.
My friend B, just disappeared during that entire time. When the scare was over, she reappeared like it never happened.
I know when things go to hell people will be true to who they are. There is a group of people who will always use the occasion to stand tall. You both are like that, I love seeing that in you. Like your mom, you do it without thinking because it is who you are.
So at times like that you got to make a really important decision. This on the top 10 of life skills. Always make the choice to recognize and appreciate the people that stood with you during those tough times. These are the people that will be your lifelines. DO NOT judge, punish, ignore, or be mean to the people who did not. They have been true to who they are and by virtue of that, they have been true to you.
If you feel compelled to shame them, change them, or punish them you have got to look really close at what you are trying to accomplish and for whom. It is a complete and total waste of time to punish people for what you think they should be. Celebrate and embrace the people who were there. Appreciate deeply that you know the difference between the people that will be there and the people who are not wired that way.
B is still my friend. She has not really changed much in all the time I have known her. Next Christmas she will be part of the group that adopts a family and make Christmas happen. She still does a great job taking care of her mom. It would never make sense for me to be crappy to her.
Most importantly, if all hell was breaking loose for my friend B, I would stand tall for her. It is who I am. I'd never let what another can't do define what I could.
Love Dad
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