Fake Courtesy

Most of the time when someone says something stupid or hurtful to you,  they are aware they are doing it. 

The default is to always treat people with courtesy.  It becomes an obligation to do this when you are extended genuine courtesy.  You are not obligated to treat anyone with courtesy when they make a point of not extending you the simple courtesy we all deserve.  Courtesy is not dictated by voice tones, gestures, or the pretense of concern.  Courtesy is dictated by intent and you should always trust that little voice in your head when determining if someone is pulling your chain or not.  People that say crappy and stupid things just do not have the fortitude to speak their mind plainly.

The best way to handle people who have a propensity for this kind of behavior is just to avoid them.   If you cannot avoid them, do not indulge them.  Treat them  in a blunt, straightforward manner and call them on the stupid shit they are saying.   Don't mince words and don't hesitate to tell them to f**k off. 

This does not change or rehabilitate them, but it keeps stupid and crazy from following you home.

Love Dad

Occam's Razor

Is the principle that you should start with the simplest most direct theory, one that makes the fewest assumptions when you are looking for the answer to that  burning question you have.  Simplest explanations or theories usually carry more weight.  When there are fewer assumptions there are fewer things to disprove.

William of Ockham (his given name was Willaim and he was born in Ockham England) was a 14th century friar who got into trouble with the Catholic church over his writings.   He was a Franciscan Friar who was booted from the Church for his writings and lived in exile as the leader of exiled Franciscan Friars until he died as a result of the black plaque of the 14th Century.  He wrote about a lot of things that never did see the light of day.  No one is sure how Ockham got changed to Occam and the "razor" was not something he came up with.  It attached to Occam centuries later when it was used to describe the shaving away of unnecessary assumptions. 

We all attach more complexity and assumptions to the questions that are most important to us.  Very recently I heard my mom ask the question why me question?  Why did she she have heart attacks, bad overall health, and an overload of stress?  The answer here is as simple as can be.  With a family history of heart problems and diabetes and in the absence of any meaningful medical checkups, stress management, or proactive desire to manage her health, the logical thing happened.    It really is not more complex than that, it does not require additional complex theories or assumptions - Occam's razor.  She has been driving the hell out of the same car for 71 years and failed to ever get  it a tuned up/checked/routine maintenance and at some point even stopped adding oil.  It is not hard to see why it broke.

Take a look at the things that have to be answered in your life.  There are jobs, people, and places in your life that did not work out as you expected them to.  Answer the question of why as simply as you can and you will find that simple answer surprisingly complete and comprehensive.

If you have a job or a person in your life that does not fit, you can certainly make them fit.  It is like putting on a shirt that is 2 sizes too small, you can get it on but it is going to feel and look like hell and most importantly you don't fool anyone...even yourself.   Don't do that...find the ones that fit and make you feel good.  When you feel good, that feeling infects everyone around you in the coolest way possible. 

Love Dad

Threshold

The worst time at a working fire is when you have all of your gear on and you are at the point of the fire attack, looking at your partner, waiting for the hose to be charged while standing at the door waiting to cross the threshold. It is at the point (no matter how brief or long it is) that all of your fears will flood your brain for a moment.  That is normal and a good thing.  The voice in your head will be screaming at the top of its lungs.  It never does feel good to stand in front of a threshold, because it is right there that you can see everything that can go wrong.

You can paralyze yourself on the threshold, that is a special kind of agony.  Your own internal logic will try to keep you in places where it is safe and familiar.  You cannot apply logic to the unknown.  On the threshold you will spend a lot of time doing just that - applying logic to the unknown.  We all try to have the answers to anticipated questions.  A good answer will always come after the question is asked, not before. If you are trying to answer the question before it is asked, you are probably feeling the paralysis of spending too much time on the threshold. 

The fear only goes away when you cross the threshold.  Changing your role from observer to participant will always feel good.  It sounds strange, but being in the fight is infinitely more easy on a person than watching one from the safety of the threshold. 

Like in a working fire, there are multiple thresholds to cross.  In every meaningful endeavor you will find a ton of thresholds to cross.  The thing that will always take its toll on you is those lengthy pauses in front of all of those thresholds.

Change always sucks, it is a pain in the ass and almost always difficult but it is so worth it.   All of  the things that that were worth a damn in my life scared the living hell out of me for a while.

Love Dad

Its not (MINE/YOURS/HER/HIS) fault

My mom has had 2 extended hospital visits in the past 2 weeks.   In both cases she had confirmed heart attacks.  Emergency surgery was done both times to place stents to address blockages that were 85 - 95 %.  A total of 4 stents were placed.   She experienced a severe allergy during last surgery and spent a couple of days in ICU while doctors managed what was as much of a life threat as her heart attacks.  She is home and resting now.  There are other significant gastrointestinal problems that are being made worse by the significant stress she is under. 

We all know she is under a ridiculous amount of stress.  And on the surface it is easy to point to a couple of things.  I have two siblings (brother and sister) who live lifestyles that are full of dramatic problems around their relationships, homes, ex husbands/wives, children, and financial hardship.  Frequently, they call my mom to involve her in the current drama that is unfolding to bear witness, assist, or taken them on.  They borrow large amounts of money, threaten to remove themselves, their children, and their undying love if some condition is not met.  They come in and go like frequent, random tornado's.

My siblings are NOT the cause of my mom's stress, far from it.  My mom is the cause of her own stress. 

In FD terms the rescuer should never become the rescued (the victim) because he has failed to take all safety precautions for themselves their crew.   In my FD career I have watched a fire burn because overhead wires were down and power was not confirmed to be off.  I have also had to wait until power lines were confirmed off before starting a rescue of a car vs a power pole line.  What looks like indifference saved lives on those days.  Acting without careful consideration of the consequence is always dangerous.  When there is a fire burning, the need for everyone to act is compelling.  Compelling is just not enough, there has to be a reason to put it out and the risk to do so needs to be examined every time.  Remember you risk a lot, to get a lot.  Don't risk for the sake of ego or what other people think might be the right thing to do.  Don't risk a lot for nothing.

My mom has been putting out fires for years without any regard to whether they needed to burn or not.  She has flung her door open to every passing tornado and has dealt with the heartbreak of losing stuff and having important stuff broken.   There is an important life lesson here.  Love yourself first and foremost, you will find that this foundation lets you sort out quickly what is a real fire and a real tornado.  There are plenty of times when fires will burn and tornado's will pass by your closed door.  If too many things are emergencies, you will start to lose track of what is a real emergency and when that real emergency comes you get the hell pounded out of you.  My mom was so versed in putting at all fires and flinging open her door to all the passing tornado's that when the real one came she was unaware and unprepared.  It damn near killed her. 

And as much as I love you both, I always put my mask on first.  In all of your times of great need, I was wearing my own oxygen mask before attempting to assist you with yours.   Extend all of your loved ones, friends, and family the same courtesy.

The Right Yardstick

I press much too hard most of the time.   The yardstick that I frequently use for myself is not a realistic one.  I have learned over the years to adjust and measure myself using a yardstick that is based in reality instead of the one that I made up to measure myself.   I used my realistic yardstick over the holidays this past week.

My mom had a series of heart attacks this past Sunday and Monday.  She was hospitalized and received 2 stints (she needs 3 more but is not strong enough), she was discharged on Thanksgiving.  My brothers and sisters were understandably upset and we all went through roller coaster week of emotions. While my mother was in the hospital, my sister was in a car accident while coming to see my mother, with all of her children in tow.  My older brother who does not live in the area can be an asshole and he remained true to form.  Mom was essentially left alone to put on a Thanksgiving dinner for her family, while I took both of you to check my mom out of the hospital.  You both were in town on Tuesday and trying to catch up and attend the wedding of a friend.  We found out that while you were here your credit card was used fraudulently.  We were going to have a family get together on Friday that had to be cancelled and we were unable to attend a get together for my close friend who is managing through stage 4 bone cancer.

So here is the measure of the week on the old yardstick vs the reality yardstick.

Old - I could have done more to push my mom to see a doctor or get her into the hospital faster, she almost died

Reality - Mom is alive, we know what is wrong and if she continues to follow the course recommend by her doctors she will live a more happy and pain free life

Old - Everything is falling apart

Reality - Everyone stepped up to do more when it was needed most.  People adapted and came together to make the most out of the time we had with each other in my immediate and extended family.  So I was able to see (and I hope they did also) that everyone at their core not only did the right thing but extended themselves to do more for each other than they normally do. 

Old - Asshole Brother, Credit card thieves, Cancelled Family/Friend get together, Sister Car Crash or more simply "Everything Is Ruined"

Reality - My brother's bad day and attitude only become part of the equation if they are allowed to.  In this case, all of his drama evaporated because it was ignored.  Credit card problem was taken care of quickly at the Credit Union.  My sister is alive and well with only a damaged car trunk .  And in a remarkable display of support  my close friend with stage 4 cancer actually came to see my mom in the hospital.  Time spent this holiday was made much more special because we valued it more and did not take it for granted. 

So my old yardstick was built in a way that measured things in a way that assumed that everything was all about me.  When I do the reality check and stop assuming it is all about me, the view changes dramatically.   I often find that in the absence of the "all about me" filter things look a lot different.   So important life lesson, use a yardstick to measure yourself that is reality based.  In my case if I start believing there are a lot of people disappointed in what I have done, will do, or am planning to do, chances are that I am using the yardstick that is all about me and not based in reality.

Remember  - You have to learn how to forgive yourself before you can ever effectively forgive anyone else.

I am already counting the days until you come home for Christmas.

Filling the Cup

When I got hired at my first real job I was a couple of years older than you are now.  I am working as a temp and needed a full time job with benefits in the worse way.  One afternoon my boss calls me into his office, shakes my hands and tells me to get down to medical by the end of the day to get the required physical for a full time position.  I am on top of the world.   The only problem is that I do not have time to go home and get cleaned up.  My feet have been baking all day in my fake leather steel toed boots and I stink.  But I am dying to please, so I shake his hand and and say right after work is NO problem.   

I am self conscious when I get to medical.  The nurse who takes me back for the doctor is a small, iron jawed, unsmiling woman of about 50.  I try to apologize for not showering, trying to tell her about the last minute scheduling.  She gives me a scowl and without so much as a smile or any kind of small talk she starts to instruct me on what is going to be done.  Any attempt at small talk me is met with stoney silence.  My confidence about getting the job is starting to fade away and I am intimidated into embarrassed silence.   I am wondering what I did to set her off.  It never did occur to me that it was anything other than me.  

Towards the end of the physical, I am sitting on plastic chairs outside of a bathroom along with 4 or 5 other guys who are scared quiet and compliant like me.  She points at the chair closest to the bathroom and we go in one by one to fill up cups with urine.  I am looking at nothing except my hands, until it comes my turn.  She tells me cups are under the sink and to fill one up 3/4 full and bring it to her.  I walk in and under the sink there are small cups that are the size of containers for condiments at any fast food place.   I pick it up and study it and after a couple of minutes walk out and tell her the cups are really small.  Everyone in the place turns to look at me and then her.  She gives me a withering glance and says in a louder voice than she needed to...JUST-- FILL-- UP-- THE-- CUP-- ONE CUP-- 3/4 FULL.  I can feel my entire face flush and I can't believe a friggin physical for a job I wanted has turned out to be this walk on hot coals exercise.   I (in what I know now was a herculean feat) fill up that tiny cup without spilling a drop and present her with my cup.

Now her face is turning red and her eyes are tearing up and she bursts out laughing.  She is talking in one or two words between trying to catch her breath between hard laughing.  THAT IS--A--CON--TACT LENS---CUP.   She is wiping her eyes and reaches down under her desk and pulls out what looks like a gallon cup and tells me that is what I need to fill.  I did not run out of the building because my heart was on the desk next to the huge pee cup.

She knows, I know, and the guys waiting to pee know, there is no way to recover from this or even maintain a shred of dignity.  I can tell from her expression (and those of the guys that are waiting to pee) that I am the first one ever to make this error.   She gives me the gallon jug to fill and gives me a tiny cone paper cup and points me to a water cooler by the plastic chairs.   She is studying me and my paperwork because she has got to be wondering if I am special needs hire.  Not one of the other people will even look at me.   She looks at me with calmer curiosity, which seems worse than the indifference I was getting from her earlier.  What started out as only a painful afternoon turns into a excruciating endurance test.  I fill up the proper cup and left without a shred of dignity or confidence in my ability to do the most basic tasks. 

In hindsight there was a dozen things I could have done to avoided filling up the contact lens cup.  I now think almost everyone who pushes hard will fill up their own contact lens cup from time to time.  Maintaining your sense of humor when you have had you heart kicked out of your chest will always speed the healing process.

Love Dad

Exact Science

It is not an exact science.

In your formative years your parents instill in you the value of sticking things out.  And early on it is easy.  You learn first to stick with those things that are necessary that can be a pain in the ass but required of you.  They are the fundamentals like going to school and learning to navigate people and things outside of home while applying the work hard, play nice, play fair, and all the other things that are posted on the wall in your first classroom.

It is during this time where you start to recognize your strengths and skills.  And if it works like its supposed to (and in both of your cases it REALLY worked like it was supposed to) as you exercise these strengths and skills you begin to excel among your peers.  You are hardwired like you are at a much earlier age that you would guess or your parents would every admit to.  A lot of what parents do is provide logistics for the journeys you take.  When times are tough, we help you find the answers to the questions that you already know and in many cases have already answered yourselves.  That sincere belief that we have in you has been there for many years before there was a Dad Blog.  We got that way by watching you grow up.  You cannot yet fully appreciate the strength of character, heart, and conviction that you already have.  . 

In the later years we try to help you understand the basic principle of risk mitigation.  It is the opposite of sticking with it, it is learning when to step away when something has run its course.  It is one of those things that is so basic that most people unknowingly make if the most complex thing in their lives.  You just need to ask yourself what the risk you are taking is going to net our for you.  Make sure the risk is worth the resources you are investing in it.  People lose years and months to things that just do not deserve their resources because that first lesson you learn is not to quit and that is the one that sticks with you the most.   My only regret with the shit jobs and people I have known is that I stayed with them far longer than was needed.  When you are holding dog shit in your hand it does not change properties because of the length of time you hold it.  When you toss it back on the ground it will still be dog shit.

A Firefighter learns the basic rule that if you are risking your life it should be to save a life.  Risking your life to put out a fire in a building that is going to be torn down and rebuilt because of the fire damage is a poor return for your life.   Treat your life that same way.  Take risk in direct proportion to the return you will get. There are some fires that require you to go into a burning building.   Be careful that you are not finding a lot of fires that you believe need to be put out.  Some of them are supposed to burn, and some are just for sticks and marshmallows

Never forget how simple things can be.

Love Dad

Ying and Yang

We are flying out to see you this week.

There is a really interesting dynamic that happens between mom and I when these trips are planned. I have never been encumbered by the thought that I am not needed, wanted, or that my presence will not immediate shine light, happiness, and fix everything. Mom, on the other hand is much more introspective about these things. She always extends the courtesy of trying to understand what the need is and how the timing works for what is going on in your life. I have always had a deep appreciation for her doing this. It is a tremendous expression of faith in both of you and your ability to balance all the things that are going on in your life.

Ying and Yang translates into shadow and light. It is how seemingly opposite and contrary things are interdependent on each other and how they interact to make a greater whole. It is why if you talk to one of us more than another it will start to seem like giant pain in the ass. Without the contrast of light and shadow it is hard as hell to appreciate the depth of any one thing. Light and shadow give things their depth.

This is life lesson stuff. There are times when charging into the fray is the perfect thing to do. Making sure there is actual fray that needs to be charged into is an important life skill. Creating a fray (when there was not one prior to your arrival) is time consuming, hard on everyone, and depletes your key resources for no good reason.

Over the years your mom has given me a real appreciation for Ying and Yang. I am better at being able to see the depth of things that are outside of my immediate life experience. And as much as I love to charge headlong into the fray, I chose which ones to charge into instead of having them choose me.

Love Dad

I Built It

I cringe when I see all the signs of the political season.  The worst of these is "I built it".  The implication is that building something without the assistance of anyone else is the preferred way of doing things and the standard.  

Doing anything by yourself is never going to yield the results that working with someone else will.  Working alone will always make every task from the simple to complex harder than it needs to be.  All the tired old things you have heard forever about being part of team are very true.  If you look at any person you use as  a model for success behind them you will find a group of friends, family, and associates (team) that has helped move them along towards their goal.  Sir Edmund Hillary was the first man to touch the summit of Everest.  Behind him (literally steps) was Tenzing Norgay and a couple more steps behind an entire support team.  Sir Edmund did summit Everest alone.  There were legions of people who did small to negligible things for him that he accepted and as a consequence he was able to use his brain power towards the more critical aspects of his endeavor.  He would have not got any extra credit for hauling his own tent to base camp.

And so it is with everyone. Being able to accept help from the people that surround you is a strength not a weakness.  There are plenty of times in life that you are going to have traverse that last part of your journey on your own.  To have balanced everything around you so that you have the mental and physical strength to complete those last steps is what you need to shoot for.  So if you can take smaller stuff off of your plate, do it without apology and stay focused on the important things that really do require your angst and worry.

There is another important part of letting people help you, it lets them validate something important about who and what they are.  Like everything else in life, you have to understand this is not all about you.  It almost never is.  My dearest friend who has stage 4 bone cancer has a great grasp on this.  The small things we are able to do (and they are soo small compared to what he is going through) help us be a part of his journey.  It is not much different from the people that are trying to help you now.  In a small way they participate in your journey.

If you have every helped someone who needed it and they let you know they were genuinely grateful, nothing feels as good as that.  For me, it is my way of paying things forward, a way to say thanks for all of the amazing things in my life.   I still regret deeply that along the way I have pushed people away that wanted to and could have genuinely helped me along my journey.  It was one of those life skills I wish I would have learned a lot earlier in life.

Love Dad

Saying and Doing

With your birthdays happening in the next month, I always go back to the day you were both born.

As you both were delivered, I remember clearly when your face rotated towards mine and I saw you open your eyes for the first time and heard you cry.  It is at that moment, I understood that my life had irrevocably been changed.  When I looked down at your face, I felt like I was part of something much larger that I ever could have accomplished on my own.

You learn quickly that your children are not extensions of you, they are individuals.  It never ceased to amaze me how you both changed in ways that I did not anticipate or foresee.  As you grew older, I was really pleased that you managed to embrace all of the strong values that you were raised with and maintain your individuality.  Today I see more of you individually than I see anything that looks like mom or me. 

Until you have your own children (which should be YEARS away from now - these years are for your to chase your own dreams) you will not be able to fully appreciate the depth you have added to our lives.

So when it comes to you both, I have always looked more critically at what people do and what people say to you.  When what people say does not really align with the things they do, I treat them with a high degree of caution.  It is not hard when you like someone to try to make what they say and do align more than they actually do.  When saying and doing do not sound the same, treat that person with a high degree of caution.  It has been my experience that these people will continue to broaden the gap between saying and doing, not close it. 

Always invest in the people who do what they say and say what they do.   And do not lose sleep over the people you end up treating with a lot of caution.  You will learn more and more to trust your instincts.  If it smells like dog shit, looks like dog shit, or has a sign that says "Caution Dog Shit", you do not have to taste it to confirm that.

Also to the young man in Nazareth - well done.   She is one of the reasons I get up in the morning.

Inside Out

Life Lesson Here

We met a group of people for dinner at one of those patio restaurants where you sit outside and listen to music.  A huge place. 

It is loud and hard to hear and I am looking at mom who looks drop dead good looking in this blue shirt I have never seen her wear before.  About 30 minutes into dinner, I see the tag on the seam of her blue shirt outside of shirt at the waist.   I lean over and tell her that the shirt is inside out and pull gently on the white tag.

She looks down and without skipping a beat laughs and starts to eat french fries off of my plate.  It just did not matter to her, not a bit.  We walked around the patio listened to music for a while and left.   I swear after she laughed and smiled that frigging tag melted away.  She did not for a minute let it get in the way of her evening and if you looked at her all you saw was a damn good looking woman in a blue top.

Most people would have turned it right side out, done something with the tag, or would have spent some time worrying about what people would have thought.   You have to admire that perspective.  There was no way a 1 inch white square tag was going to loom larger than than where and who she was with at that exact moment. 

A lot of things are like that.   We are all quick to let that inside out shirt wreck our night, bruise our ego, or be the harbinger of a bad day/night.  One square inch of white tag can kill an evening an should never be allowed to do so.  So next time you find your literal or figurative tag on the outside instead of the inside follow the example of your mom the Zen master and let a 1 inch square be a scrap of cloth and nothing else.

Love Dad 

Beyond Measure

I read this almost every day, I am not sure if it is a poem or not.  When I first heard it I was struck by it.  The author is Marianne Wilson.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure,
It is our light,  not our darkness that most frightens,
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won’t feel insecure around you,
We are all meant to shine as children do,
It is not just in some of us, its in everyone,
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give others permission to do the same,
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others,

There is also a you tube video at  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STp1UtMrKR4&noredirect=1 

Love Dad

Chris

Chris will start chemotherapy a week after we get back from our Motorcycle trip in early August.  This week he is getting another bone scan to determine how extensive the cancer is. 

Chris is worried about being treated differently now and worries he will get deferential treatment.   I told him he was a dumb ass.   Getting the best seat, the shady spot, the first cold beer, gives us all the illusion that we are doing something for him in his time of need.  I told him to accept these gestures with quiet grace and appreciate that his close friends are attempting to help in the only way they really can.   We all realize that we cannot carry this weight for him.  But by being there, we will lighten the weigh he has to carry periodically. 

So a couple of things for you here.

There are times you have to carry weight and there are times when you elect to carry weight.   In both cases you will always have to bear the weight by yourself.  Not even the best meaning, well intentioned people who love you will understand how heavy that weight is.  BUT, allowing them to reach out to you, to accept the small graces they can offer can most certainly lighten the load from time to time.  The weight will always be heavier if you elect to carry it without allowing other people to attempt to help.  Never make it heavier than it has to be and if you can let someone lighten your load and theirs.

Always assume things are bigger than you.  Having this perspective will always allow you to excel in the toughest of circumstances.

Never underestimate the power of saying your prayers.  Get in the habit of asking for the wisdom to see the already considerable gifts that have already been given to you.

Love Dad

Here and There

I can remember when I loaded up my 61 Plymouth Valiant and headed West to become a Professional Rodeo Cowboy.  For me, chasing my dreams meant actually getting in a car and going to a place that was far away from home. 

Far away from home, friends, and family it was a tough time.  I thought it was tough because it was a right of passage.  It took me a couple of years to figure out that a dream was not in a physical place, it was in me.  So where ever I was I took the dream with me.  Sounds simple, but for me I equated a physical distance with a journey.   They are not the same thing at all.

I went back to Colorado, convinced that I was a failure for coming back.  Nothing was further from the truth.  Even by the measure of 30 years ago, it made sense to everyone that I was coming back to the place where are my resources were. 

And I used those resources.

Life in my absence had continued to move forward for everyone.   Hindsight being 20/20, I wish I had not confused going on a journey with a physical distance.  By the way my journey continues in Colorado today.  I also realize that if needed I could continue pursing it in another city or state.  I am good where ever I go.  I take my journey and dreams with me where ever I go..

Never confuse physical distance with a journey.  They are never the same thing.

One of the great strengths you can possess, it knowing you are just as great in one place as another.  The things that make you outstanding (and there are a lot of them) are not in a physical location, they are in you.

We will always leave the porch light on for you.

Love Dad

Believe

I have a strong, unwavering belief in you both.  A sincere, ardent belief that you will be successful beyond what you can imagine today.  As strong as that belief is in me - it is nothing compared to the belief that you need to have in yourself.  It needs to be stronger, more unwavering, and more ardent than any belief anyone else has in you.  It has to be that way in your core.

This does not mean that you should be without doubts.  You should have doubts, it is an essential part of your self preservation.  Your doubts let you re-access the path you are taking if that is needed.  That is a big part of improvise, adapting, and overcoming.  Doubts can also paralyze you.  You can spend a lot of time re-accessing your paths when things do not go as planned.  Never spend so much time accessing which path to take to the degree that you fail to walk down any one path.

Sincere belief is most powerful when it comes from you. 

Love Dad





 

Cynical

Cynicism is not reserved for the down and out or the disenfranchised.  A well educated and successful cynic is not much different that uneducated and unsuccessful one.  

A person who is convinced that they know the outcome based on a set of predetermined judgements and values is a self absorbed.  You cannot fully define something unless you have a firm grasp on what the value of something is. 

In almost all cases you are not going to be able to readily attach a value to things without understanding them.  Even for the things in your life, the only thing that allows you do to this is time, distance, and experience.  It is damn near impossible for you to attach the right value on a person, place, or journey for another person.

If you have to predict, opt to believe in the best possible outcome and work to make that happen in your life and in the lives of others. 

Fingertips

It is not an exaggeration to say that the world is at your fingertips.  It is equally important to realize that the world that is at the end of someone else's fingertips, does not have a damn thing to do what is at the end of yours.

Today and every day this week there are going to be a dozen doors that you can walk through because of who you are and this time & place in your life.  Make no mistake, it is nice to have the occasional door opened for you to make life easier or gain entry into a desired place.  The real truth is that people open doors because you have given them a glimpse of strength that you have that reminds them what is best in them.

The most amazing things in your life happen when you elect to walk through a door based on who and what you are. You will elect to walk through more doors when you begin to recognize the strengths and gifts you posses.  This creates the need and courage to open these doors.  There are turds behind some of these doors, don't let that dissuade you.  That is life, never elevate a turd to icon status.  Treat it like shit and move on.

It sucks ass to watch other people open doors, it creates doubt and fear in you.  They don't have more (fill in the blank) than you, they just opened the door. 

Approach every day with a sense of wonder and expectation and look for those doors.   I see them every day and for everyone I see there are 10 times that number that I am not seeing.

 If you are having a bunch of days that suck you just are not seeing all the possibility.  Open a door ,  

Love Dad

Tough Mudder

Tough Mudder 2012- 12 miles 4