Back by popular demand
A lot of people have said insightful things about fighting demons. Here are the top 3 in random order.
1. When you fight monsters, you have to be careful not to become a monster yourself.
Because every time you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you. This is a bastardized version of a quote from Fredrick Nietzche, a German philosopher from 1800's. The actual quote was - Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you. Fredrick was trying to say that if you had to become a demon to slay a demon there was no net gain. There is no extra credit for moral high ground, best intentions, or heroic actions. If fighting your demon adds one to the total number you have made the situation worse, not better. Looking into the abyss is the mirror we all look into every day in a figurative sense. If you look hard enough you will see what you became to fight your demons. The best case is that you don't look or sound like the asshole that you have been fighting with. Sometimes only time and distance allow you to see this and it is harder to see in the heat of battle. (Fredrick, after his meteoric rise to fame, became clinically insane at an early age and lived under the care of his mother until he died)
2. But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.—Luke 6:27-31. Jesus is the OG (original guy) who tries to get us all to understand the simple principle that what you do will come back to you and perpetuate itself. It is more than love and hate, it is everything in between. People with the strength and courage to fight their demons have either intentionally or unintentionally helped other people find their courage and strength. These passages get misinterpreted all the time. He just wanted you to take time to pick what you wanted to come back to you. The person who has already has hit you has picked what will return to him. Jesus was no slouch at busting a couple heads when he needed. I don't think we ever were supposed to be so passive as to not bust a head when circumstances dictated. It just should not be the default and you should not bust the same pumpkin twice.
3. You can never win a fight with a retard. If you lose, you lose to a retard. If you win, you have beaten up a retard. (The word Retarded comes from the Latin retardare, "to make slow, delay, keep back, or hinder. This is not intended to be a derogatory term for a person who suffers any recognized mental deficiency of handicap.) The awful truth is that a lot of the demons we wrestle with are not complex, super intelligent, gifted, insightful beings. They are people who have been brought into our lives by chance, circumstance, or when you just step in that random pile of shit. These tend to be people who need attention and consider imitation the sincerest form of flattery. They get our attention because they say and do things that offend us at a primary level. They are not nice, don't play fair, and seem to go out of their way to make minor disagreements into epic battles. When you call them out, frequently you find people in tough, sad, places in their lives. There is never much satisfaction in a broken person.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Killing the Messenger
One of my all time favorite movie scenes is in the movie 300. King Leonidas tells the messenger that he needs to choose his words carefully. The messenger ignores this and tells the King that he needs to surrender in order to avoid annihilation. King Leonidas promptly kills all the messengers. It wasn't really the message they delivered. It was the way they delivered it that got them all killed.
I want to instill in you what a strong position you work from when you apply hard work, compassion, calm reason, and the golden rules. This works for most every situation. But, there are those times when the best course of action is to kill the messenger or burn the bridge. For every messenger out there (this will include you, when you have assumed the role of a messenger) always know that the words you use carry weight and consequence.
Every living soul has the capability to be unimaginably cruel if the right buttons are pressed. I am no exception to this. I believe strongly in those old school values of loyalty, honor, and trust. When those values get violated it cuts me down to the bone. There are people that bring out my darker side. Its not particularly important who they are or what they do as much as how I handle it..
Kill the messenger - I have had to specifically tell my friends, family, and that random well meaning acquaintance to NOT tell me about what (fill in the blank), did, or plans to do. I have a strong suspicion for people who tell me things they think I need to know. I am very forceful in letting these people know that I just do not need to know. I am equally forceful in challenging them on why I am getting updates on things that are going to bring out my dark side. I leave no doubt and really try to kill the messenger here.
Burning the Bridge - The best thing I can do for myself and the person whom I just cannot be around is to burn that bridge. There are people that are just poison to me. I am sure they work for other people, but it is just never going to be civil with me. They will bring out that cruelty in me and when they do that, I lose a small part of myself. There are some people that I should never be around. There are bridges that should be burned to the ground.
So what do you do if you slip and say or do something cruel?
First and foremost forgive yourself - it happens.
Kill the Messenger - Stop getting those updates that reopen the wound
Burn the Bridge - Walk away, there are combination's that are going to always be toxic. Never let someone have the power over you to not be yourself.
That pain fades when you do some old school stuff to close that gap in your life. Prayer always works, go to church or set aside some time to pray. Get involved again in sports, volunteer work, clubs and organizations. Do something really nice for someone who needs it. Don't give those meatheads another minute of your life.
Like mom says, the best revenge is to live a good life. No truer words have ever been spoken
Love Dad
I want to instill in you what a strong position you work from when you apply hard work, compassion, calm reason, and the golden rules. This works for most every situation. But, there are those times when the best course of action is to kill the messenger or burn the bridge. For every messenger out there (this will include you, when you have assumed the role of a messenger) always know that the words you use carry weight and consequence.
Every living soul has the capability to be unimaginably cruel if the right buttons are pressed. I am no exception to this. I believe strongly in those old school values of loyalty, honor, and trust. When those values get violated it cuts me down to the bone. There are people that bring out my darker side. Its not particularly important who they are or what they do as much as how I handle it..
Kill the messenger - I have had to specifically tell my friends, family, and that random well meaning acquaintance to NOT tell me about what (fill in the blank), did, or plans to do. I have a strong suspicion for people who tell me things they think I need to know. I am very forceful in letting these people know that I just do not need to know. I am equally forceful in challenging them on why I am getting updates on things that are going to bring out my dark side. I leave no doubt and really try to kill the messenger here.
Burning the Bridge - The best thing I can do for myself and the person whom I just cannot be around is to burn that bridge. There are people that are just poison to me. I am sure they work for other people, but it is just never going to be civil with me. They will bring out that cruelty in me and when they do that, I lose a small part of myself. There are some people that I should never be around. There are bridges that should be burned to the ground.
So what do you do if you slip and say or do something cruel?
First and foremost forgive yourself - it happens.
Kill the Messenger - Stop getting those updates that reopen the wound
Burn the Bridge - Walk away, there are combination's that are going to always be toxic. Never let someone have the power over you to not be yourself.
That pain fades when you do some old school stuff to close that gap in your life. Prayer always works, go to church or set aside some time to pray. Get involved again in sports, volunteer work, clubs and organizations. Do something really nice for someone who needs it. Don't give those meatheads another minute of your life.
Like mom says, the best revenge is to live a good life. No truer words have ever been spoken
Love Dad
Friday, September 24, 2010
Participant Trophies
I was helping Mom look for her passport and found some of your old soccer "Participant" trophies in the closet. Those participant trophies never made any sense to me, then or now. To make matters worse, it continues into middle school when they give ribbons or medals for everyone who participates in an event or sport.
I think all those participant awards have left you both a little jaded. When you both started to get real recognition for your very real accomplishments, you tended to consider them like all those participant trophies.
We should have just stuck with juice boxes and unhealthy snacks. Pizza and team pictures at the end of the year. Parents really have the best intentions. In our hearts we justify this by thinking that trophy will instill a sense of what it takes to be a winner. It does not do that at all, like a lot of things in the early years, it is as much for us as it is for you.
You begin to get a real appreciation for winning when you experience losing. Parents start realizing this more in high school where there seems to be more of a natural selection process. In your chosen disciplines in high school you both legitimately excelled. **A disclaimer here..that is not just a Dad thing. That is your names on those walls. The teachers and coaches who still hold you out as the standard**.
College and you both are hitting your stride. Those wins that you have racked up there. Well they aren't frigging "participant trophies" are they? They are you busting your asses and breaking through to get some very impressive wins. Go ahead tell me those internships, those grades, aren't anything. I double dog dare you.
So make sure you celebrate those wins. Every celebration does not have to be epic but you have to acknowledge that you came out on top. It is such an important reference point and milestone. You only realize how far you have come, when you know where you started. Keep track of those milestones.
You both have inherited your mom's humility and grace so I know your celebrations will always be a little understated. I give you permission to tell the world from time to time that you have just kicked its ass. Say it out loud, it always feels better to say that out loud.
Also, there is a universal rule that if you end up getting your ass kicked, that an ass kicking only lasts for a 24 hour period. During those tough spells make the world kick your ass every single day. Never let it stay "kicked"
Hey, mom's birthday is coming up. You know you she is a pure sucker for a hand written card from you.
I think all those participant awards have left you both a little jaded. When you both started to get real recognition for your very real accomplishments, you tended to consider them like all those participant trophies.
We should have just stuck with juice boxes and unhealthy snacks. Pizza and team pictures at the end of the year. Parents really have the best intentions. In our hearts we justify this by thinking that trophy will instill a sense of what it takes to be a winner. It does not do that at all, like a lot of things in the early years, it is as much for us as it is for you.
You begin to get a real appreciation for winning when you experience losing. Parents start realizing this more in high school where there seems to be more of a natural selection process. In your chosen disciplines in high school you both legitimately excelled. **A disclaimer here..that is not just a Dad thing. That is your names on those walls. The teachers and coaches who still hold you out as the standard**.
College and you both are hitting your stride. Those wins that you have racked up there. Well they aren't frigging "participant trophies" are they? They are you busting your asses and breaking through to get some very impressive wins. Go ahead tell me those internships, those grades, aren't anything. I double dog dare you.
So make sure you celebrate those wins. Every celebration does not have to be epic but you have to acknowledge that you came out on top. It is such an important reference point and milestone. You only realize how far you have come, when you know where you started. Keep track of those milestones.
You both have inherited your mom's humility and grace so I know your celebrations will always be a little understated. I give you permission to tell the world from time to time that you have just kicked its ass. Say it out loud, it always feels better to say that out loud.
Also, there is a universal rule that if you end up getting your ass kicked, that an ass kicking only lasts for a 24 hour period. During those tough spells make the world kick your ass every single day. Never let it stay "kicked"
Hey, mom's birthday is coming up. You know you she is a pure sucker for a hand written card from you.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Karma
Karma is not intended to be a punishment but it kind of works out that way.
The old adage that good guys finish last is wrong. Good guys really do finish first but you have to continually work at it. The good guys who finish last are those guys who get tired of all the work and opt for a shortcut. To be a good guy you have to be able to do a couple of things the vast majority of the time.
You have to keep being a good guy when good things are not happening to you. Everyone wants the good guy to win. Most people who see that you are a genuinely a good guy will bend over backwards to help you out. Every breathing soul is drawn to something that is good and positive.
You also need to have the capacity to do a good thing for a person who is trying to be a good guy but just isn't managing to do so. Always remember the trained professional rule tho. There are a lot of things you just can fix.
It is never heroic to go down with a boat that someone else is in the process of sinking.
It is hard when those good things are not happening to not be hypersensitive. A lot of stuff that that normally rolls right off your back will accumulate there. Shitty people and ill tempers are drawn to each other almost as powerfully as good things are. Always remember the very first thing to be lost in crappy situations is any sense of right or wrong. You will never win a shit throwing contest.
So that whole reap what you sow thing is pretty close to being right on the money. It really does work out that what you put out, you get back in the same amount.
Be the good guy and finish first.
Love Dad
The old adage that good guys finish last is wrong. Good guys really do finish first but you have to continually work at it. The good guys who finish last are those guys who get tired of all the work and opt for a shortcut. To be a good guy you have to be able to do a couple of things the vast majority of the time.
You have to keep being a good guy when good things are not happening to you. Everyone wants the good guy to win. Most people who see that you are a genuinely a good guy will bend over backwards to help you out. Every breathing soul is drawn to something that is good and positive.
You also need to have the capacity to do a good thing for a person who is trying to be a good guy but just isn't managing to do so. Always remember the trained professional rule tho. There are a lot of things you just can fix.
It is never heroic to go down with a boat that someone else is in the process of sinking.
It is hard when those good things are not happening to not be hypersensitive. A lot of stuff that that normally rolls right off your back will accumulate there. Shitty people and ill tempers are drawn to each other almost as powerfully as good things are. Always remember the very first thing to be lost in crappy situations is any sense of right or wrong. You will never win a shit throwing contest.
So that whole reap what you sow thing is pretty close to being right on the money. It really does work out that what you put out, you get back in the same amount.
Be the good guy and finish first.
Love Dad
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
All the Pieces
I was working in the garage and one of those old white flower vases fell of the shelf and hit me in the head. I have been moving this particular vase around from box to box. I put it in the donation box and then take it out and put it back on the shelf. I just could not make up my mind on what to do with it.
So on the day it finally fell off the shelf and hit me on the head, I was immediately mad as hell. I was already frustrated because I was trying to fix the gate on the side of the house and it was not going well. So I looked down at the 2 pieces of the vase and I picked them both up and threw them down as hard as I could. Instead of two big pieces to pick up and throw in the trash, there are shards of vase everywhere.
There are two very important points here.
The vase was mine and I had to pick up all the pieces. Breaking it into more pieces only felt good for a second, I felt like an asshole for the next hour while I crawled around looking for all the pieces. I was not my finest hour and it was not true to who I really am, I was disappointed I did that. How it got broke in the first place no longer mattered.
I could have avoided the whole thing by just throwing out something that was broken. It would have been OK to stop and lament that I broke a favorite vase but I did not do that. I thought because I did not break it in the first place, it was OK to do that. It was not OK to do that.
I also spent more time than was needed trying to explain this away. I have as of this writing moved on. I messed up, realize that, and I have moved on. Remember the most important thing, if you screw up - own it, learn from it and most importantly move on. Screwing up is only a lifestyle if you keep making the same mistake over, and over and over...
You of course have no idea how proud I am of you both.
- Love Dad
So on the day it finally fell off the shelf and hit me on the head, I was immediately mad as hell. I was already frustrated because I was trying to fix the gate on the side of the house and it was not going well. So I looked down at the 2 pieces of the vase and I picked them both up and threw them down as hard as I could. Instead of two big pieces to pick up and throw in the trash, there are shards of vase everywhere.
There are two very important points here.
The vase was mine and I had to pick up all the pieces. Breaking it into more pieces only felt good for a second, I felt like an asshole for the next hour while I crawled around looking for all the pieces. I was not my finest hour and it was not true to who I really am, I was disappointed I did that. How it got broke in the first place no longer mattered.
I could have avoided the whole thing by just throwing out something that was broken. It would have been OK to stop and lament that I broke a favorite vase but I did not do that. I thought because I did not break it in the first place, it was OK to do that. It was not OK to do that.
I also spent more time than was needed trying to explain this away. I have as of this writing moved on. I messed up, realize that, and I have moved on. Remember the most important thing, if you screw up - own it, learn from it and most importantly move on. Screwing up is only a lifestyle if you keep making the same mistake over, and over and over...
You of course have no idea how proud I am of you both.
- Love Dad
Friday, September 17, 2010
Failure Definitions
I found a lot of really bad stuff written about what is a fairly straight forward topic - failure. Here is all the information you have been needing. A failure is not meeting an goal when you are in pursuit of a goal.
Not living according to your values is not a failure, it is bad judgment. Bad judgment is not a goal, it is a byproduct of bad decisions. Bad decisions span the entire spectrum but are most spectacular when they involve relationships or substance abuse.
Fear of failure is very normal. The leading cause of the fear of failure is that it really makes you feel like shit.
If you are poor, powerless, physically unattractive, unpopular, rejected or in poor physical shape, you are not a failure. You have got to be in pursuit of a goal to fail. If you are one of those things and not engaged in an activity to correct or upgrade it, they are just not high enough on your priority list.
If you are lazy, that does not make you a failure. Unfortunately, when you fail the audience tends to be made up largely of people who are not actively pursuing the same type of goals that you are. I have learned that failure can be funny as hell, except when it is you. One of the things I love about my closest friends is that they are adept at helping me see the humor in the things that make me cringe. Let your own friends do this.
Laughter really takes the edges off things.
You cannot excuse a failure away. If you failed it is because of something you did or failed to recognize. You cannot divide, assign, or accept a certain percentage of failure. One owner per failure, no exceptions.
You cannot fail someone (see above). Always accept full responsibility for your failure. Think about how willing you are to help someone who does this. Everyone is like that. Remember for the people who cannot readily do this, you cannot remove their head from their own ass. Be compassionate when they do pull their heads out and that kindness will be extended to you when you emerge from the darkness.
If you treat other people like hell, if you are uncaring and disrespectful you are not a failure, you are an asshole.
I think that covers it. I hope the balance between failure and success is starting to become more clear.
Love Dad
Not living according to your values is not a failure, it is bad judgment. Bad judgment is not a goal, it is a byproduct of bad decisions. Bad decisions span the entire spectrum but are most spectacular when they involve relationships or substance abuse.
Fear of failure is very normal. The leading cause of the fear of failure is that it really makes you feel like shit.
If you are poor, powerless, physically unattractive, unpopular, rejected or in poor physical shape, you are not a failure. You have got to be in pursuit of a goal to fail. If you are one of those things and not engaged in an activity to correct or upgrade it, they are just not high enough on your priority list.
If you are lazy, that does not make you a failure. Unfortunately, when you fail the audience tends to be made up largely of people who are not actively pursuing the same type of goals that you are. I have learned that failure can be funny as hell, except when it is you. One of the things I love about my closest friends is that they are adept at helping me see the humor in the things that make me cringe. Let your own friends do this.
Laughter really takes the edges off things.
You cannot excuse a failure away. If you failed it is because of something you did or failed to recognize. You cannot divide, assign, or accept a certain percentage of failure. One owner per failure, no exceptions.
You cannot fail someone (see above). Always accept full responsibility for your failure. Think about how willing you are to help someone who does this. Everyone is like that. Remember for the people who cannot readily do this, you cannot remove their head from their own ass. Be compassionate when they do pull their heads out and that kindness will be extended to you when you emerge from the darkness.
If you treat other people like hell, if you are uncaring and disrespectful you are not a failure, you are an asshole.
I think that covers it. I hope the balance between failure and success is starting to become more clear.
Love Dad
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Epic Hockey Brawl
One of the epic NHL Hockey fights happened between the Detroit Redwings and the Colorado Avalanche on March 26, 1997. Google EPIC HOCKEY BRAWLS.
There were nine separate fights during this game. These guys really beat the hell out of each other. It was so bad that they stopped the game to bring out the Zamboni to get the blood off of the ice (it didn't work).
There are a couple of important things here.
To the guys involved this was a matter of honor and pride. For the rest of the free world, this was pure entertainment. Public fights are like that, people are drawn to them for less than altruistic reasons.
As the duration of the fight increases, the original cause of the fight gets lost in all the subsequent battles.
The second guy that throws a punch always gets caught and catches hell, even if he happened to be right.
Old school rules apply here. The fights that you walk away from can be as important as the ones that don't back away from. When you are looking to get out from underneath a pain in the ass situation, there are times to take the high road (which coincidentally happens to also be the exit).
The reason for the EPIC Hockey Brawl in 1997 was a incident that happened in 1996. Avalanche player Lemieux hurt Redwings Draper with a cheap shot that broke his jaw, orbital bone, and cheek bone. Draper required reconstructive surgery. The Avalanche went on to beat the Redwings in that series and went on to win the Stanely Cup.
Please reread the Fighting Your Demons post it is closely tied to this one.
Love Dad
There were nine separate fights during this game. These guys really beat the hell out of each other. It was so bad that they stopped the game to bring out the Zamboni to get the blood off of the ice (it didn't work).
There are a couple of important things here.
To the guys involved this was a matter of honor and pride. For the rest of the free world, this was pure entertainment. Public fights are like that, people are drawn to them for less than altruistic reasons.
As the duration of the fight increases, the original cause of the fight gets lost in all the subsequent battles.
The second guy that throws a punch always gets caught and catches hell, even if he happened to be right.
Old school rules apply here. The fights that you walk away from can be as important as the ones that don't back away from. When you are looking to get out from underneath a pain in the ass situation, there are times to take the high road (which coincidentally happens to also be the exit).
The reason for the EPIC Hockey Brawl in 1997 was a incident that happened in 1996. Avalanche player Lemieux hurt Redwings Draper with a cheap shot that broke his jaw, orbital bone, and cheek bone. Draper required reconstructive surgery. The Avalanche went on to beat the Redwings in that series and went on to win the Stanely Cup.
Please reread the Fighting Your Demons post it is closely tied to this one.
Love Dad
Friday, September 10, 2010
Changes at Home
It has been almost 3 weeks now and a lot has changed.
The town board has approved ordinance 679 by a majority vote. This ordinance allows residents to keep backyard chickens on residential property with a permit. There is a limit of 4 chickens and they must be kept in a coop.
The Sugar Beet Festival has raised admission prices from 3 to 5 dollars. Despite falling property tax revenue, the town board has elected to still have the fireworks show on Community Day.
A big block of time has opened up because we have stopped going to the grocery store. After cleaning the refrigerator, (not counting condiments or empty jars), there were three blocks of cheese, a quart of milk, a bag of grapes/raisins, and a bowl of strawberry glaze that started out as just strawberries. The big Tupperware cereal container does not have any Cheerio's in it (regular or chocolate). There are no fiber bars, energy bars, potato chips, tortilla chips or cookies in the pantry. I did find the big jar of peanut butter with the blue top on it (did you know they came with screw on tops?). I unscrewed the lid but could not find the big silver spoon that I know comes in every jar.
The milkman has informed us he can no longer make his boat payments on time because we have scaled back the milk delivery to one half gallon a week.
Another block of time has opened up on our social calendar. The weekly brunch at COSTCO has been canceled until further notice because buying in bulk does not seem prudent now.
When we did get to the grocery store, I had to stop your mom from using one of those little shopping carts, The only other people in the store using one was an adorable 80 year couple wearing a bandoleer of Kleenex, oxygen tanks, adult diapers and bottles of ENSURE. Even if our groceries fit into one of those things I am not going to use one. If we start looking adorable and don't realize it please let me know.
The house looks different now. There is nothing stuck on the mirror, counter, or floor of the big bathroom. I did not realize that silver thing next to the toilet was designed to hold toilet paper rolls. I tried yelling at the bathroom door to summon a roll of toilet paper but that no longer works, I think it is because there is one on that silver thing. The silver bar on the wall has towels hanging on it now. I almost broke my neck standing on the bare tile instead of towels and newspapers when I got out of the shower. After seeing the kitchen counter tops and table for a couple of weeks, I realize they both need to be replaced. The dogs are not happy because they are sleeping on the hard carpet instead of piles of your clothes.
The little fat kid on our block has completed the magic journey (puberty). When he comes home from school he always sings. Now instead of sounding like Susan Boyle, he sounds like Barry White I still spend time in the garage standing behind the table saw with your paintball gun waiting for the cat that wrecked my Jeep seat. The epic battle continues I am Captain AHAB and that cat is my white whale.
Some things have not changed. Except for being cleaned, your rooms are exactly as you left them. They will be that way for a long time. That is as much for me as it is for you but I am not admitting that yet. I also am not ready to admit that Peanut Butter tastes better when the big silver spoon is in it - but it does.
Make sure you keep going to church...it is even more important when you are away from home.
Love Dad
The town board has approved ordinance 679 by a majority vote. This ordinance allows residents to keep backyard chickens on residential property with a permit. There is a limit of 4 chickens and they must be kept in a coop.
The Sugar Beet Festival has raised admission prices from 3 to 5 dollars. Despite falling property tax revenue, the town board has elected to still have the fireworks show on Community Day.
A big block of time has opened up because we have stopped going to the grocery store. After cleaning the refrigerator, (not counting condiments or empty jars), there were three blocks of cheese, a quart of milk, a bag of grapes/raisins, and a bowl of strawberry glaze that started out as just strawberries. The big Tupperware cereal container does not have any Cheerio's in it (regular or chocolate). There are no fiber bars, energy bars, potato chips, tortilla chips or cookies in the pantry. I did find the big jar of peanut butter with the blue top on it (did you know they came with screw on tops?). I unscrewed the lid but could not find the big silver spoon that I know comes in every jar.
The milkman has informed us he can no longer make his boat payments on time because we have scaled back the milk delivery to one half gallon a week.
Another block of time has opened up on our social calendar. The weekly brunch at COSTCO has been canceled until further notice because buying in bulk does not seem prudent now.
When we did get to the grocery store, I had to stop your mom from using one of those little shopping carts, The only other people in the store using one was an adorable 80 year couple wearing a bandoleer of Kleenex, oxygen tanks, adult diapers and bottles of ENSURE. Even if our groceries fit into one of those things I am not going to use one. If we start looking adorable and don't realize it please let me know.
The house looks different now. There is nothing stuck on the mirror, counter, or floor of the big bathroom. I did not realize that silver thing next to the toilet was designed to hold toilet paper rolls. I tried yelling at the bathroom door to summon a roll of toilet paper but that no longer works, I think it is because there is one on that silver thing. The silver bar on the wall has towels hanging on it now. I almost broke my neck standing on the bare tile instead of towels and newspapers when I got out of the shower. After seeing the kitchen counter tops and table for a couple of weeks, I realize they both need to be replaced. The dogs are not happy because they are sleeping on the hard carpet instead of piles of your clothes.
The little fat kid on our block has completed the magic journey (puberty). When he comes home from school he always sings. Now instead of sounding like Susan Boyle, he sounds like Barry White I still spend time in the garage standing behind the table saw with your paintball gun waiting for the cat that wrecked my Jeep seat. The epic battle continues I am Captain AHAB and that cat is my white whale.
Some things have not changed. Except for being cleaned, your rooms are exactly as you left them. They will be that way for a long time. That is as much for me as it is for you but I am not admitting that yet. I also am not ready to admit that Peanut Butter tastes better when the big silver spoon is in it - but it does.
Make sure you keep going to church...it is even more important when you are away from home.
Love Dad
Cute Failure Sayings.
We all do you a great injustice when we try to soften the eventual failures that you will have. In our defense we just hate to see you feel like hell. It does not really matter if it is a one of those experiences that you ultimately benefit from. There is a tendency for people (we are no exception here) to fall back on cute failures quotes, sayings, and anecdotes.
Failure is always brutal. It never just bruises your ego, it takes your ego and smashes it into very tiny pieces that you can't pick up. Failure is all of your quiet fears raising up to yell at you in a single unified voice. It yells from the top of buildings what a worthless piece of shit you are loud enough so that EVERYONE can hear. Failure is that 900 pound gorilla that follows you around demanding that you look at it.
My recent epic failure was Paramedic school. The course is not cheap and it requires that you pass all weekly tests with a score of over 80%. If you fail twice you are out and have to apply all over again. I tried to complete the class and the 500 hours of clinical time while working full time. 3 tests from the end I failed my second test with a 78%. No extra credit for being close, or the work load that I imposed on myself.
Humiliation party of one - your table is ready.
I was called up to the P-school office and told I did not meet the minimum standard. I stood up at the end of it, looked them straight in the eye and thanked them for all of their help and told them I would be coming back through. I did the walk of shame past the classmates and went out into the parking lot and died inside. I had no idea how I was going to tell you guys or mom. It was really brutal .I reapplied, was accepted and started the course over with all the same instructors and proctors. That was another kind of hell because most of them just did not know what do say to me. Most were positive but I felt like the 25 year old high school senior. That frigging 900 pound failure gorilla was my constant companion.
No amount of reason or patience could soften it. The people who tried to soften it with all of those cute failure sayings and anecdotes killed me. Kind of like putting a band-aide over a gaping chest wound and calling it good.
When things get tough, I really appreciate that I am no stranger to success or failure. As bad as it sucked, it was not a place that I am unfamiliar with. I know that in order to move forward that I had to own up to it. In the end it was not the job, the FD, the impossible hours...it was me. When I stopped giving a shit about the 900 pound gorilla, he stopped following me. Second time was a charm, I am a nationally certified Paramedic today.
You have committed yourself to paths and goals that are going to be demanding. There is one old school thing that remains a constant. When you fail (and you will fail) your character is defined about how you pick yourself up out of that hole and move on. The more that happens, the more you learn how to do it and your character becomes more defined.
Success and failure will always be closely tied together. If you are solidly in one of these you can reasonably assume the other is around the corner. When you are in pursuit of goals that is just the natural order of things. I have the benefit of having seen you both already cycle through a number of successes and failures. Your character at this young age is incredibly well defined. Please reread the Sincere Belief post, it ties back into this one. My predictions for success have are based the character I have already seen with my own eyes, it is the things you have already done.
Have you called your grandma yet?
Love Dad
Failure is always brutal. It never just bruises your ego, it takes your ego and smashes it into very tiny pieces that you can't pick up. Failure is all of your quiet fears raising up to yell at you in a single unified voice. It yells from the top of buildings what a worthless piece of shit you are loud enough so that EVERYONE can hear. Failure is that 900 pound gorilla that follows you around demanding that you look at it.
My recent epic failure was Paramedic school. The course is not cheap and it requires that you pass all weekly tests with a score of over 80%. If you fail twice you are out and have to apply all over again. I tried to complete the class and the 500 hours of clinical time while working full time. 3 tests from the end I failed my second test with a 78%. No extra credit for being close, or the work load that I imposed on myself.
Humiliation party of one - your table is ready.
I was called up to the P-school office and told I did not meet the minimum standard. I stood up at the end of it, looked them straight in the eye and thanked them for all of their help and told them I would be coming back through. I did the walk of shame past the classmates and went out into the parking lot and died inside. I had no idea how I was going to tell you guys or mom. It was really brutal .I reapplied, was accepted and started the course over with all the same instructors and proctors. That was another kind of hell because most of them just did not know what do say to me. Most were positive but I felt like the 25 year old high school senior. That frigging 900 pound failure gorilla was my constant companion.
No amount of reason or patience could soften it. The people who tried to soften it with all of those cute failure sayings and anecdotes killed me. Kind of like putting a band-aide over a gaping chest wound and calling it good.
When things get tough, I really appreciate that I am no stranger to success or failure. As bad as it sucked, it was not a place that I am unfamiliar with. I know that in order to move forward that I had to own up to it. In the end it was not the job, the FD, the impossible hours...it was me. When I stopped giving a shit about the 900 pound gorilla, he stopped following me. Second time was a charm, I am a nationally certified Paramedic today.
You have committed yourself to paths and goals that are going to be demanding. There is one old school thing that remains a constant. When you fail (and you will fail) your character is defined about how you pick yourself up out of that hole and move on. The more that happens, the more you learn how to do it and your character becomes more defined.
Success and failure will always be closely tied together. If you are solidly in one of these you can reasonably assume the other is around the corner. When you are in pursuit of goals that is just the natural order of things. I have the benefit of having seen you both already cycle through a number of successes and failures. Your character at this young age is incredibly well defined. Please reread the Sincere Belief post, it ties back into this one. My predictions for success have are based the character I have already seen with my own eyes, it is the things you have already done.
Have you called your grandma yet?
Love Dad
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Hand Written
I got two very well written thank you notes in the mail today. Nothing beats getting an old school hand written thank you note. You can reach me by e-mail, skype, yahoo instant messenger, text msg, cell phone, or land line. These guys took the time (and expense) of going out and getting a thank you card and writing a concise, articulate, and personal thank you.
Making that great first impression is always worth the effort. The small things count and it is nice to see that you get that. Shaking my hand with a firm grip, looking me in the eye, and a genuine smile always works. Here are some of those other things that you did that made a very solid first impression.
You addressed me by Mr. Danko. To me that Mr. title denotes respect and that is a big thing to me. Respect is one of those things you have to give to get. This is true for any age. Be wary of the people that do not extend you the basic respect that you deserve. When they extend you the basic respect you deserve, it defines the relationship you have with them. If anyone feels compelled to treat you like shit until you earn respect- they do not fully understand what respect is. Basic respect is the fundamental building block of any worthwhile endeavor. You build respect through hard work and old school values. The people who eat shit to get respect, never get the bad taste out of their mouths.
You did not use the word Sir. You were correct in guessing that I was not nobility when I showed up in jeans and that well worn t-shirt. I want people to call me Sir when I am buying a product or service that is over $40 dollars in value and we do not know each other on a first name basis. Calling me sir would have been a kiss ass thing to do.
You did not call me Mike or Michael. If I look old enough to be your dad or other authority figure err on the side of caution.
Your had a good sense of humor, were up on current events, and shared a bit of information about who you were. I am always appreciative when I hear younger people talk and there is a notable absence of words ending in uck, ucker, and hole. A genuine thank you is great when it is simple, straight forward, and honest. A lot of kids your age don't get that and you both did.
But most of all it was the way you treated each other that impressed me. It is far to easy to not extend those basic courtesies and respect to the people we live with, are close to, and see almost every day Those are the people who appreciate and need those things the most.
My own kids have spoiled me in this respect. Aside from them big friggin brains, they understand how those foundations of old school respect, kindness, courtesy, gives them the competitive edge. But that is a subject for another time
Send your mom a handwritten card....and call your grandma.
Love Dad
Making that great first impression is always worth the effort. The small things count and it is nice to see that you get that. Shaking my hand with a firm grip, looking me in the eye, and a genuine smile always works. Here are some of those other things that you did that made a very solid first impression.
You addressed me by Mr. Danko. To me that Mr. title denotes respect and that is a big thing to me. Respect is one of those things you have to give to get. This is true for any age. Be wary of the people that do not extend you the basic respect that you deserve. When they extend you the basic respect you deserve, it defines the relationship you have with them. If anyone feels compelled to treat you like shit until you earn respect- they do not fully understand what respect is. Basic respect is the fundamental building block of any worthwhile endeavor. You build respect through hard work and old school values. The people who eat shit to get respect, never get the bad taste out of their mouths.
You did not use the word Sir. You were correct in guessing that I was not nobility when I showed up in jeans and that well worn t-shirt. I want people to call me Sir when I am buying a product or service that is over $40 dollars in value and we do not know each other on a first name basis. Calling me sir would have been a kiss ass thing to do.
You did not call me Mike or Michael. If I look old enough to be your dad or other authority figure err on the side of caution.
Your had a good sense of humor, were up on current events, and shared a bit of information about who you were. I am always appreciative when I hear younger people talk and there is a notable absence of words ending in uck, ucker, and hole. A genuine thank you is great when it is simple, straight forward, and honest. A lot of kids your age don't get that and you both did.
But most of all it was the way you treated each other that impressed me. It is far to easy to not extend those basic courtesies and respect to the people we live with, are close to, and see almost every day Those are the people who appreciate and need those things the most.
My own kids have spoiled me in this respect. Aside from them big friggin brains, they understand how those foundations of old school respect, kindness, courtesy, gives them the competitive edge. But that is a subject for another time
Send your mom a handwritten card....and call your grandma.
Love Dad
Friday, September 3, 2010
Leaving the Shake
True Story: I was in D.C. and I was waiting for the shake I had already paid for. Out of the blue, the guy behind the counter started yelling at the cook. He was mad as hell, he told the guy that he was going to kick his ass if he threw another cheeseburger at him. The cook with the neck tattoo's looked right at the guy and threw another cheeseburger at him.
The counter guy just lost his mind. He yelled at another guy cleaning tables to lock the door because he was going back to kick the cooks ass. And to everyone's amazement the table guy goes over and locks the door. The really big guy who ordered the cheeseburger was looking down at it with a frown and asking the counter guy why they were throwing his m**ther - f***ing cheeseburger around.
The point that it really felt out of control was when the manager showed up at the front counter. By now the counter guy is reaching through the heat lamp thing trying to grab the cook and is just howling. The cook (who never blinked through the whole thing) was making another cheeseburger and looked like he had every intention of throwing it at the counter guy.
The manager did not say a word, just ran his finger over the display that showed what orders were pending and started making my shake. It is really starting to feel like a Twilight Zone episode. I am starting to move away from the counter and work my way towards the door. The counter guy stops trying to get to the cook and turns around abruptly and yells "who is next, what do you want"...at the top of his lungs.
And when you think it cannot get worse, it does. The guys he yelled it to are now taking it as a challenge and they move up to order ( I did not hear but I am assuming they were going to order a m***r-f****ing cheeseburger). I am at the door now and it is locked. The manager who has finished making the shake (that I no longer want) is calling me back to the counter to get it.
Instead of leaving, I walked back through the maze of screaming people to get a 2 dollar shake. When the testosterone starts flying, there is a part of me that is still inclined to stand my ground - especially when I am by myself. That is a unabashed bonehead move and I am old enough to know better.
Stand up for the things you believe in, Stand up against adversity and intimidation for the right reasons.
You don't want to be the person who stands up for cheeseburgers and chocolate shakes. Standing up against adversity and intimidation in pursuit of a 2 dollar shake...well that just speaks for itself doesn't it?
Argh..I would rather dispense sage wisdom rather than be the example of what not to do but it does not always work that way.
There are times when you need to leave the shake - even if you already paid for it..
Love Dad
The counter guy just lost his mind. He yelled at another guy cleaning tables to lock the door because he was going back to kick the cooks ass. And to everyone's amazement the table guy goes over and locks the door. The really big guy who ordered the cheeseburger was looking down at it with a frown and asking the counter guy why they were throwing his m**ther - f***ing cheeseburger around.
The point that it really felt out of control was when the manager showed up at the front counter. By now the counter guy is reaching through the heat lamp thing trying to grab the cook and is just howling. The cook (who never blinked through the whole thing) was making another cheeseburger and looked like he had every intention of throwing it at the counter guy.
The manager did not say a word, just ran his finger over the display that showed what orders were pending and started making my shake. It is really starting to feel like a Twilight Zone episode. I am starting to move away from the counter and work my way towards the door. The counter guy stops trying to get to the cook and turns around abruptly and yells "who is next, what do you want"...at the top of his lungs.
And when you think it cannot get worse, it does. The guys he yelled it to are now taking it as a challenge and they move up to order ( I did not hear but I am assuming they were going to order a m***r-f****ing cheeseburger). I am at the door now and it is locked. The manager who has finished making the shake (that I no longer want) is calling me back to the counter to get it.
Instead of leaving, I walked back through the maze of screaming people to get a 2 dollar shake. When the testosterone starts flying, there is a part of me that is still inclined to stand my ground - especially when I am by myself. That is a unabashed bonehead move and I am old enough to know better.
Stand up for the things you believe in, Stand up against adversity and intimidation for the right reasons.
You don't want to be the person who stands up for cheeseburgers and chocolate shakes. Standing up against adversity and intimidation in pursuit of a 2 dollar shake...well that just speaks for itself doesn't it?
Argh..I would rather dispense sage wisdom rather than be the example of what not to do but it does not always work that way.
There are times when you need to leave the shake - even if you already paid for it..
Love Dad
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
The Other 5%
85% of the time calm, firm, reason in the face of an unreasonable situation or circumstance will prevail.
10% of the time you simply have to turn away from a situation that is spinning out of control. There are times that you arrive far to late to do anything but make sure you are not a causality of the wreck that is already well underway.
If you really want to be a person who helps others and are not going to be professionally trained, you have the learn the cardinal rule of a being a rescuer. If you are trying to rescue someone and have to be rescued yourself, you have created a bigger problem than you found. If you have to rescue 2 instead of 1 you have put more people in danger and lowered the probability of the original person getting the help they needed.
There is no extra credit for good intentions or having the moral high ground.
That leaves the remaining 5 % of people
The remaining 5% are those people where calm firm reason does not work. They are borderline whackjobs. There are are on the verge of being trainwrecks but are not quite there. They are on the fringe and seem to end up in our clubs, associations, recreation leagues and group outings. They say and do moderately crappy things for reasons that are not really known to anyone but them. No one is sure why they are angry or part of the existing group or gathering. But we put up with them.
When you have ruled out they are trainwrecks and calm firm reason has failed you need to deliver a firm verbal pimp slap (instead of bitch slap) to the offender.
A bitch slap is to slap someone in the face with an open hand (because they are not worthy of a real punch) It is used to put people in their place or disrespect them. A pimp slap is distinguished from a bitch slap because it is delivered without announcement. It is a hard blow stuck with the back of the hand (it is not a pimp slap unless it is the back of the hand). Generally the hand is raised above the head, elbow bent, and if performed correctly it should look like you are throwing a baseball like a girl. Hand comes down in a chopping motion to the cheek and jaw of your victim. Twisting shoulders and hip motion are used to maximize the slap and apply the proper torque.
Verbally pimp slap the remaining 5%. This helps them understand when they are approaching a boundary of yours. It also helps them understand all of those crappy words and deeds have a price attached to them. Here are a few of my favorites that I use for my 5%.
*What the fuck is wrong with you really? We have been listening to your stupid shit for (fill in the blank -hours, days, weeks) and everybody -especially me is fed up with the stupid shit you say and do.
**When you say and do stuff like that I can't figure out if you are fucking stupid, fucking clueless or both. Or if that is just how you talk to each other in (their hometown).
***You have to be fucking emotionally retarded to not realize how sick people are of your dumb shit antics.
For those 5%'ers never underestimate the elegance of brute force.
Love Dad
10% of the time you simply have to turn away from a situation that is spinning out of control. There are times that you arrive far to late to do anything but make sure you are not a causality of the wreck that is already well underway.
If you really want to be a person who helps others and are not going to be professionally trained, you have the learn the cardinal rule of a being a rescuer. If you are trying to rescue someone and have to be rescued yourself, you have created a bigger problem than you found. If you have to rescue 2 instead of 1 you have put more people in danger and lowered the probability of the original person getting the help they needed.
There is no extra credit for good intentions or having the moral high ground.
That leaves the remaining 5 % of people
The remaining 5% are those people where calm firm reason does not work. They are borderline whackjobs. There are are on the verge of being trainwrecks but are not quite there. They are on the fringe and seem to end up in our clubs, associations, recreation leagues and group outings. They say and do moderately crappy things for reasons that are not really known to anyone but them. No one is sure why they are angry or part of the existing group or gathering. But we put up with them.
When you have ruled out they are trainwrecks and calm firm reason has failed you need to deliver a firm verbal pimp slap (instead of bitch slap) to the offender.
A bitch slap is to slap someone in the face with an open hand (because they are not worthy of a real punch) It is used to put people in their place or disrespect them. A pimp slap is distinguished from a bitch slap because it is delivered without announcement. It is a hard blow stuck with the back of the hand (it is not a pimp slap unless it is the back of the hand). Generally the hand is raised above the head, elbow bent, and if performed correctly it should look like you are throwing a baseball like a girl. Hand comes down in a chopping motion to the cheek and jaw of your victim. Twisting shoulders and hip motion are used to maximize the slap and apply the proper torque.
Verbally pimp slap the remaining 5%. This helps them understand when they are approaching a boundary of yours. It also helps them understand all of those crappy words and deeds have a price attached to them. Here are a few of my favorites that I use for my 5%.
**When you say and do stuff like that I can't figure out if you are fucking stupid, fucking clueless or both. Or if that is just how you talk to each other in (their hometown).
***You have to be fucking emotionally retarded to not realize how sick people are of your dumb shit antics.
For those 5%'ers never underestimate the elegance of brute force.
Love Dad
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