We all do you a great injustice when we try to soften the eventual failures that you will have. In our defense we just hate to see you feel like hell. It does not really matter if it is a one of those experiences that you ultimately benefit from. There is a tendency for people (we are no exception here) to fall back on cute failures quotes, sayings, and anecdotes.
Failure is always brutal. It never just bruises your ego, it takes your ego and smashes it into very tiny pieces that you can't pick up. Failure is all of your quiet fears raising up to yell at you in a single unified voice. It yells from the top of buildings what a worthless piece of shit you are loud enough so that EVERYONE can hear. Failure is that 900 pound gorilla that follows you around demanding that you look at it.
My recent epic failure was Paramedic school. The course is not cheap and it requires that you pass all weekly tests with a score of over 80%. If you fail twice you are out and have to apply all over again. I tried to complete the class and the 500 hours of clinical time while working full time. 3 tests from the end I failed my second test with a 78%. No extra credit for being close, or the work load that I imposed on myself.
Humiliation party of one - your table is ready.
I was called up to the P-school office and told I did not meet the minimum standard. I stood up at the end of it, looked them straight in the eye and thanked them for all of their help and told them I would be coming back through. I did the walk of shame past the classmates and went out into the parking lot and died inside. I had no idea how I was going to tell you guys or mom. It was really brutal .I reapplied, was accepted and started the course over with all the same instructors and proctors. That was another kind of hell because most of them just did not know what do say to me. Most were positive but I felt like the 25 year old high school senior. That frigging 900 pound failure gorilla was my constant companion.
No amount of reason or patience could soften it. The people who tried to soften it with all of those cute failure sayings and anecdotes killed me. Kind of like putting a band-aide over a gaping chest wound and calling it good.
When things get tough, I really appreciate that I am no stranger to success or failure. As bad as it sucked, it was not a place that I am unfamiliar with. I know that in order to move forward that I had to own up to it. In the end it was not the job, the FD, the impossible hours...it was me. When I stopped giving a shit about the 900 pound gorilla, he stopped following me. Second time was a charm, I am a nationally certified Paramedic today.
You have committed yourself to paths and goals that are going to be demanding. There is one old school thing that remains a constant. When you fail (and you will fail) your character is defined about how you pick yourself up out of that hole and move on. The more that happens, the more you learn how to do it and your character becomes more defined.
Success and failure will always be closely tied together. If you are solidly in one of these you can reasonably assume the other is around the corner. When you are in pursuit of goals that is just the natural order of things. I have the benefit of having seen you both already cycle through a number of successes and failures. Your character at this young age is incredibly well defined. Please reread the Sincere Belief post, it ties back into this one. My predictions for success have are based the character I have already seen with my own eyes, it is the things you have already done.
Have you called your grandma yet?
Love Dad
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