If you don't ask

If you don't ask, the answer is always NO.  Those pain in the ass things rarely spontaneously stop on their own.  There is an large group of people out there that subtlety is lost on.  There are people whom you have to look in the eye and be specific about what you want them to stop doing.

No one really likes to ask for things that you believe that you should not have to ask for.  This is especially true when it comes to the common courtesy people should extend to each other.  In your dorm and roommate situations this is especially true.  So I have compiled a list for you, flag this posting to those people who need it.

Here is my list of things that you should not have to ask people to do.

-Don't fight with your friend, significant other, casual acquaintance or relatives when I am in a place where I am going to be forced to listen. This is also true for those grab ass sessions you have with your current significant other.  I am not alone in not wanting to hear this.  Most people like me really don't want to be mean and will tolerate much more than we should.  Don't take our silence as a green light for you to continue.  I am going to ask you to cut it out and I promise it is going to come out wrong and strain our living arrangement.

-Be respectful of my physical space.  When you put your stuff in the place where I put my clothes, books, and my personal things it really pisses me off.  It should not piss me off that much but it does.  It tells me that you don't respect a fundamental need that we all have - our own corner of the world.  It is a corner of the world that I am also paying for.

-Be respectful of my personal space and time.  Don't assume for a minute that your crisis can preempt what I had scheduled for this day, hour, or minute.  If you don't recall the last time I had a crisis, maybe it is a good time to ask.

-If you borrow money, pay it back without having to be asked.  I am not subsidized, so when I give you money it is money I had earmarked for something else.

This is like one of those magazine quizes that I hate.  If you see yourself in one or more of these categories you need to cut it out.  If you see someone you know in these categories, post this to them and don't wait for them to have an amazing change of heart.  Tell them to cut it out.

If you break any of these rules, an apology or gesture of contrition goes a very long way.  A simple apology can be elegant. 

Remember, if you don't ask or bring it up.  The answer is always no. 

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Love Dad