Every year, I have a list of new years resolutions. Writing them down is a pain in the ass. When written, they go from an abstract good idea to a measurable thing that becomes one of the yardsticks for the upcoming year.
People have mixed reactions about making new years resolutions. A lot of people have goals that they want to quietly pursue. They do not see the need to put extra pressure on themselves or be reminded of the things that they failed to accomplish. The added stress of documented goals creates a level of stress that impacts their ability to achieve them. Basically a goal that you don't write down or tell anyone about is not a failed goal, if no one knows about it.
To all of those people, I say with the deepest humility and sincerity. - bullshit.
While it is true, it is extra weight for the year, another yardstick to measure yourself with and (at least for me) I always have one or two resolutions that just don't happen for any number of reasons. It is a huge but a necessary pain in the ass to write them down.
What you achieve is directly related to your level of commitment. You have to write it down, say it out loud, and be able to look at it for it to be real. Here are my resolutions for the year.
Resolution 1 - I want to lose 30lbs by my birthday in June. That is five pounds a month. Saying I want to lose weight and get in shape is way to vague. Five pounds a month.
Every year is like that freshman year, you owe it to yourself to reach past what you are comfortable with. If you are lucky you will have a lot of freshman years in your life. New baselines in school, new jobs, new relationships. Your commitment to these things always shows up. Always reach past the things that you are comfortable with.
Resolution #2 - I want to complete the Field Instruction Paramedic Process for the new FD. For me this is my freshman year.
Look back at the things that you value in yourself and in the people close to you. These people and things will reach out to you and help you when you need it the most.
Resolution #3. - I am going to set aside 30 minutes a day to reach out to my family and friends for things that do not have anything to do with the things I am trying to accomplish. I am going to try to keep the idea fresh that it is not all about me.
Resolution #4 - I want to learn how to play the guitar and do at least 3 cheesy magic tricks. As much as I want to accomplish, I don't want to take take myself so seriously that ignore a simple joy or two. The only criteria I have is that these couple of things serve no real purpose.
Resolution #5 - I want to see the ocean this year with mom. I want to plan a Griswald family type trip.
Resolution #6 - I want to commit to send you at least 3 blogs a week, whether you need them or not.
I hope you can always appreciate the new year and all the promise that it brings.
I am so happy to have you guys home for a couple of more days.
Love Dad
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Last Push
The BEST KICK ASS poem ever.
TODAY thank God for you unconquerable soul.
Say this OUT LOUD - I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY FATE AND THE MASTER OF MY SOUL.
And have the ass the never, ever stays kicked. - "Bloody but unbowed".
Kick Ass this week - and enjoy doing it. These times that try you are the very best of times - there are a ton of people this week that will not get to display their character. Enjoy every battle - there never seems to be enough of them. In 4 short days it will be over.
I have included INVICTUS in its entirety.
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever God may be,
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not cried nor winced aloud,
Under the bludgeoning of chance,
My head is bloody but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how straight the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the captain of my fate,
I am the master of my soul.
William Earnest Henley, 1875
TODAY thank God for you unconquerable soul.
Say this OUT LOUD - I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY FATE AND THE MASTER OF MY SOUL.
And have the ass the never, ever stays kicked. - "Bloody but unbowed".
Kick Ass this week - and enjoy doing it. These times that try you are the very best of times - there are a ton of people this week that will not get to display their character. Enjoy every battle - there never seems to be enough of them. In 4 short days it will be over.
I have included INVICTUS in its entirety.
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever God may be,
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not cried nor winced aloud,
Under the bludgeoning of chance,
My head is bloody but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how straight the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the captain of my fate,
I am the master of my soul.
William Earnest Henley, 1875
Thresholds
When you first pull up in an engine on a structure fire your mind is going a hundred miles an hour. Despite all of your training, despite all of your motivation, when you find yourself advancing a hoseline into a building there is a real moment of fear.
From experience, you know that when you finally step over the threshold and start working your training and experience kick in and that fear that for a moment that seemed unmanageable becomes manageable.
Time, distance, and experience will help you understand how normal it is to feel that fear. It is not only normal to feel that way but desired. Fear is a good thing, it is all of your senses working in concert to help you achieve the best possible outcome.
Being fearless is never the goal. Fearless people in any endeavor are really scary. They either cannot fully process all of the risks or chose to ignore them. I don't admire fearlessness, it makes me cringe. It is like watching someone run across 6 lanes of traffic.
So stepping over the threshold is something I understand and it is a skill I use a lot. There are a lot of things that will not kill me that scare the crap out of me. Like my hero -Virgil I Grissom, I accept that that I will feel that fear and let it go at that. I know that walking up to step over the threshold is a lot less scary than looking at that threshold from a distance.
And now you are both have all those thresholds to step over. They will always be scary. Every time you experience this, you begin to recognize the pattern. You will also start to understand how much easier to cross those thresholds rather than to observe them from afar. If you look at a threshold too long it can be debilitating. The ones that you do not cross (and should) will take on a life of their own.
Remember the goal is never to be fearless. The goal is to cross over them and gain the experience of doing so. You are not supposed to know this stuff...you are supposed to be finding out about it. There is real joy in doing this. Never forget to enjoy being a participant instead of an observer.
And in four short days you will be home. No thresholds there, just rest for your pumpkin heads.
Love Dad
From experience, you know that when you finally step over the threshold and start working your training and experience kick in and that fear that for a moment that seemed unmanageable becomes manageable.
Time, distance, and experience will help you understand how normal it is to feel that fear. It is not only normal to feel that way but desired. Fear is a good thing, it is all of your senses working in concert to help you achieve the best possible outcome.
Being fearless is never the goal. Fearless people in any endeavor are really scary. They either cannot fully process all of the risks or chose to ignore them. I don't admire fearlessness, it makes me cringe. It is like watching someone run across 6 lanes of traffic.
So stepping over the threshold is something I understand and it is a skill I use a lot. There are a lot of things that will not kill me that scare the crap out of me. Like my hero -Virgil I Grissom, I accept that that I will feel that fear and let it go at that. I know that walking up to step over the threshold is a lot less scary than looking at that threshold from a distance.
And now you are both have all those thresholds to step over. They will always be scary. Every time you experience this, you begin to recognize the pattern. You will also start to understand how much easier to cross those thresholds rather than to observe them from afar. If you look at a threshold too long it can be debilitating. The ones that you do not cross (and should) will take on a life of their own.
Remember the goal is never to be fearless. The goal is to cross over them and gain the experience of doing so. You are not supposed to know this stuff...you are supposed to be finding out about it. There is real joy in doing this. Never forget to enjoy being a participant instead of an observer.
And in four short days you will be home. No thresholds there, just rest for your pumpkin heads.
Love Dad
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Figured Out
You are not supposed to have everything figured out.
Treat the people who tell you they all have it all figured out with a healthy degree of skepticism.
Life is about recognizing the possibilities and potential in the new people, places and things that present themselves to you. You will have great loves and passions all through your life. They do not appear all at once or on your specific schedule.
The mistake a lot of people make is they stand and wait for those loves and passions to find them. It just does not work that way. Finding them, like everything else, is a lot of work. You find the great passions and loves of your life by opening new doors, meeting new people, and educating yourself.
Completing your education is only the first part of the preparation. This is one of those things you will work at your entire life.
So if you are making your head hurt because you have not got it all figured out...stop it. If you are worried because you don't know exactly what you want to do for a living...stop it. The biggest part of your education now is learning how to open those new doors, meet those new people and recognizing the possibilities and potential in all the new stuff you are experiencing.
Although it is a lot of work, there is absolutely no reason you cannot and should not enjoy the search.
The best part of riding the roller coaster is hurtling down the track and having your stomach in your throat.
Enjoy the ride.
Love Dad
Treat the people who tell you they all have it all figured out with a healthy degree of skepticism.
Life is about recognizing the possibilities and potential in the new people, places and things that present themselves to you. You will have great loves and passions all through your life. They do not appear all at once or on your specific schedule.
The mistake a lot of people make is they stand and wait for those loves and passions to find them. It just does not work that way. Finding them, like everything else, is a lot of work. You find the great passions and loves of your life by opening new doors, meeting new people, and educating yourself.
Completing your education is only the first part of the preparation. This is one of those things you will work at your entire life.
So if you are making your head hurt because you have not got it all figured out...stop it. If you are worried because you don't know exactly what you want to do for a living...stop it. The biggest part of your education now is learning how to open those new doors, meet those new people and recognizing the possibilities and potential in all the new stuff you are experiencing.
Although it is a lot of work, there is absolutely no reason you cannot and should not enjoy the search.
The best part of riding the roller coaster is hurtling down the track and having your stomach in your throat.
Enjoy the ride.
Love Dad
Monday, December 6, 2010
Say Grace Again
We were at the Christmas Parade of Lights in Denver on Friday. We were running a little late and we were supposed to meet another couple down there.
I am looking for a place to park and we settle on one of those parking lots close to downtown. It is one of those places where you park and then you go to this ATM looking thing and pay 10 bucks to park for the night. It is a beautiful night - 52 degrees and no wind, perfect night for the parade.
We go to pay and there is a line of about 20 people waiting to buy tickets and hustle down to the parade. At the head of the line is a young Hispanic couple with a young kid and they are struggling with the ticket machine. They are trying to feed a 10 bill in the machine and it keeps spitting it out. Everyone in line is starting to grumble and look at watches. The couple is starting to feel the bad vibe and they are trying harder to get the machine to take the 10 dollar bill.
You mom asks me for my wallet and walks past 20 grumbling people and asks them if she can try her credit card and they can give her the 10 bucks. Everyone there (including me) is wondering why we did not do what mom did. Mom has trouble with the card and all of the sudden everyone wants to help. People start talking to each other, someone calls the number on the box and everyone gets to the parade on time.
Out of that entire group of people (me included) the only person that acted like a human being and extended a young couple a hand was your mom. One person's grace changed a grumbling group of 20 people into human beings again. The rest of us where just hell bent to get there on time.
Never underestimate the power and elegance of a simple act of courtesy.
Your mom does not think twice about this kind of stuff. When you see her next, hug her long and hard. The grace that you both have is no accident...
Love Dad
I am looking for a place to park and we settle on one of those parking lots close to downtown. It is one of those places where you park and then you go to this ATM looking thing and pay 10 bucks to park for the night. It is a beautiful night - 52 degrees and no wind, perfect night for the parade.
We go to pay and there is a line of about 20 people waiting to buy tickets and hustle down to the parade. At the head of the line is a young Hispanic couple with a young kid and they are struggling with the ticket machine. They are trying to feed a 10 bill in the machine and it keeps spitting it out. Everyone in line is starting to grumble and look at watches. The couple is starting to feel the bad vibe and they are trying harder to get the machine to take the 10 dollar bill.
You mom asks me for my wallet and walks past 20 grumbling people and asks them if she can try her credit card and they can give her the 10 bucks. Everyone there (including me) is wondering why we did not do what mom did. Mom has trouble with the card and all of the sudden everyone wants to help. People start talking to each other, someone calls the number on the box and everyone gets to the parade on time.
Out of that entire group of people (me included) the only person that acted like a human being and extended a young couple a hand was your mom. One person's grace changed a grumbling group of 20 people into human beings again. The rest of us where just hell bent to get there on time.
Never underestimate the power and elegance of a simple act of courtesy.
Your mom does not think twice about this kind of stuff. When you see her next, hug her long and hard. The grace that you both have is no accident...
Love Dad
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Say Grace
Always find time to find a bit of grace and beauty in each and every day.
Never make the mistake of assuming you are too busy, overwhelmed, or late to do this. When you find these bits of grace and beauty they also find you.
Love Dad
Never make the mistake of assuming you are too busy, overwhelmed, or late to do this. When you find these bits of grace and beauty they also find you.
Love Dad
Toxic Relationships
I have known this kid for all his life. I have known his mom & dad for 23 + years. You know him so mentioning his name is not needed.
He is in a kind of hell now that no one ever expects to be in. Certainly not him or his parents. He was raised in a loving close knit home, he was the oldest of 2 boys. In our own family photo's you will see him, his brothers and parents all over the place. His parents created an environment that kids flourish in. It was a home filled with laughter, joy, and with parents who were very engaged in their son's lives.
He was well liked and a good student. He worked at a fast food place during school. At the end of high school he decided to join the Navy.
You receive all kinds information about drugs and alcohol and not so much about toxic relationships. Toxic relationships can drive you into the ground as fast as alcohol and drugs. They produce a lot of the same byproducts. People find themselves in legal and financial trouble. Maintaining relationships with family and friends becomes strained and you can be increasing isolated.
This great kid ended up in a very toxic relationship. The speed that this happened to him was not anything that anyone saw coming.
He had to leave the military prior to his commitment being completed. He has went through the legal system in the state that he was residing in. There are things that will have to explain on resume's and applications for at least a decade. He married his girlfriend who after a couple of pregnancy scares turned out to really be pregnant. He lives with his parents with his new wife and child and is starting to look for work. He is only a couple of years older than you guys, not even 25 yet. This kid will end up getting past this with the help of parents who love him a great deal. But by any measure, he has a very, very, tough uphill battle ahead of him.
You end up in a toxic relationship because you ignore a lot of warming signs. Here are some of those warning signs. Take this to heart and use them for a gauge when you find yourself in any kind of a committed relationship.
1. You have to be careful what you say or do because you are worried about the response you are going to get from the person you are with. This is a BIG red flag. When you stop being yourself to placate another person they are manipulating you, plain and simple. If they don't care for who you are in your unguarded moments, they like the idea of you, but may not care for you at all.
2. Drama - People who feel they are not getting the amount of attention they need from you will create escalating events until they believe you are giving them the right amount of attention. Crying wolf works, most normal people will respond dramatic plea's for help. You will find that people having dramatic events to pull you in will refuse the help of more competent professionals. They need YOU and ONLY YOU. **Remember, if you are not professionally trained to rescue people, don't. Ultimately you will have to be rescued yourself after you have made a bad situation worse**.
3. We are all afraid to admit that we have made mistakes in our relationships. We believe it is a reflection of ourselves and when that person we were hanging out turns out to be a real turd it is embarrassing. I met your mom when I was about 27. Prior to that I did my share of turd farming. A mistake only becomes a lifestyle choice when you are too proud to admit you made a mistake and walk away. You can dress it up, explain it away, and try to change it but a turd is still a turd. Carrying it for a long time does not make it less of a turd.
4. You are waiting for it to get better. A good relationship is a dynamic thing but it is ALWAYS based on mutual respect and consideration. If you don't have that up front, it does not materialize later. Lying is a BIG red flag. You just don't lie to people that you respect. If they don't respect you, you are filling a need for them that has little to do with a healthy relationship.
5. No one thing, big or small can fix a bad relationship. If your excuse for not leaving is that (fill in the blank) is great, then you should run not walk to the nearest exit.
6. Last but not least be comfortable with being alone. No one will ever have a good relationship with you until you have one with yourself.
As great as this kid is, there were a ton of red flags that were ignored. Don't ignore red flags. This is not a graded scale, if any one of these things exist, it is a BIG RED FLAG
Love Dad
He is in a kind of hell now that no one ever expects to be in. Certainly not him or his parents. He was raised in a loving close knit home, he was the oldest of 2 boys. In our own family photo's you will see him, his brothers and parents all over the place. His parents created an environment that kids flourish in. It was a home filled with laughter, joy, and with parents who were very engaged in their son's lives.
He was well liked and a good student. He worked at a fast food place during school. At the end of high school he decided to join the Navy.
You receive all kinds information about drugs and alcohol and not so much about toxic relationships. Toxic relationships can drive you into the ground as fast as alcohol and drugs. They produce a lot of the same byproducts. People find themselves in legal and financial trouble. Maintaining relationships with family and friends becomes strained and you can be increasing isolated.
This great kid ended up in a very toxic relationship. The speed that this happened to him was not anything that anyone saw coming.
He had to leave the military prior to his commitment being completed. He has went through the legal system in the state that he was residing in. There are things that will have to explain on resume's and applications for at least a decade. He married his girlfriend who after a couple of pregnancy scares turned out to really be pregnant. He lives with his parents with his new wife and child and is starting to look for work. He is only a couple of years older than you guys, not even 25 yet. This kid will end up getting past this with the help of parents who love him a great deal. But by any measure, he has a very, very, tough uphill battle ahead of him.
You end up in a toxic relationship because you ignore a lot of warming signs. Here are some of those warning signs. Take this to heart and use them for a gauge when you find yourself in any kind of a committed relationship.
1. You have to be careful what you say or do because you are worried about the response you are going to get from the person you are with. This is a BIG red flag. When you stop being yourself to placate another person they are manipulating you, plain and simple. If they don't care for who you are in your unguarded moments, they like the idea of you, but may not care for you at all.
2. Drama - People who feel they are not getting the amount of attention they need from you will create escalating events until they believe you are giving them the right amount of attention. Crying wolf works, most normal people will respond dramatic plea's for help. You will find that people having dramatic events to pull you in will refuse the help of more competent professionals. They need YOU and ONLY YOU. **Remember, if you are not professionally trained to rescue people, don't. Ultimately you will have to be rescued yourself after you have made a bad situation worse**.
3. We are all afraid to admit that we have made mistakes in our relationships. We believe it is a reflection of ourselves and when that person we were hanging out turns out to be a real turd it is embarrassing. I met your mom when I was about 27. Prior to that I did my share of turd farming. A mistake only becomes a lifestyle choice when you are too proud to admit you made a mistake and walk away. You can dress it up, explain it away, and try to change it but a turd is still a turd. Carrying it for a long time does not make it less of a turd.
4. You are waiting for it to get better. A good relationship is a dynamic thing but it is ALWAYS based on mutual respect and consideration. If you don't have that up front, it does not materialize later. Lying is a BIG red flag. You just don't lie to people that you respect. If they don't respect you, you are filling a need for them that has little to do with a healthy relationship.
5. No one thing, big or small can fix a bad relationship. If your excuse for not leaving is that (fill in the blank) is great, then you should run not walk to the nearest exit.
6. Last but not least be comfortable with being alone. No one will ever have a good relationship with you until you have one with yourself.
As great as this kid is, there were a ton of red flags that were ignored. Don't ignore red flags. This is not a graded scale, if any one of these things exist, it is a BIG RED FLAG
Love Dad
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)