Worthwhile

For every goal you will have in your life there is one indisputable fact.  Any worthwhile endeavor starts and is sustained by the love and support of family and friends. 

No one single friend or family member will ever be able to sustain you by themselves.  Some people may have larger roles and some smaller key roles.  The roles everyone has will change and develop over time.  Not every person will fully appreciate and understand the role they have in your life. 

All of the complexities of this are not important at all.  No need to try and figure out who is who or where they belong in the order   You just need to know that the love of family and friends are some of the most important resources that you have.  Always use them when they are extended to you. 

The real secret is that it is as important to give this love and support as it is to receive it.  It is a karma thing, what you give, you will receive.  This is true no matter what your age is, but especially true if you are between 8 - 80 years old.

Last thing...your parents know how much you love them.  That starts when you are very young and continues into adulthood.  We just never tire of hearing it...

Love Dad 

Zen and Toilet Paper

I am trying to get the toilet paper roll thing to work in a public bathroom.   The bottom roll is empty but still there and the top roll is full.  So I pull on the top roll and one frigging square comes off.  Now I have to find the beginning of the roll again, so I and turning the roll by hand.  I get another square.  Frustrated now I am turning the roll hard enough that the grey wall is shaking.  The bathroom (that is full of people) is getting a little quieter the more the grey wall and the tin toilet paper holder shake.

I stop, slightly embarrassed and  pull the roll with gentle steady pressure.  I have unlocked the mystery of the tin toilet paper holder, it is like magic, it rolls and rolls..  Zen and the art of the toilet paper roll.

I hate to admit it but I my default approach to problems is brute force.  I am naturally inclined to power through and gut things out.  Brute force works by the way, but it never works well, is not quick, and leaves a lot of unnecessary trauma in its wake.  Problems get fixed much quicker when you understand when you need to push, pull, and yield.  You often get a better result faster and you do not beat the hell out of yourself.

Be aware enough of your surroundings to be able to hear when you are shaking the grey door.  If you are getting one frigging square every time you attempt to get more, well that is also a big sign that you have to do something different.

Love Dad

Temper and Pride

Some quick guidelines for pride and temper.

They should never happen at the same time - they do not really exist in the same space.  If you feel like you have them both at the same time, it is probably all temper.  Never confuse spite with pride, they are completely separate.

They should both be relatively short in duration.   Every one has a temper, when it happens, give it the proper due and then drop it.  It is lasts longer it will eat away at you and color the things you do without you ever intending for them to do that.  Pride also should be short.  ALWAYS be proud in the goals you accomplish, never diminish them.  Not acknowledging them or taking time to fully appreciating your achievements DOES diminish them.

They should both happen.  We all have a temper, it intended as a safely valve.  You should learn to have immense pride in things you do.  When you have that immense pride, it gives you a richness and depth that other people benefit from.

They should never keep you from reaching out to the people, places, and things that can help you.  It goes without saying that the highest compliment you can be given is to have a friend or loved one turn to you in a time of need.  It starts a chain of events that build deep, lasting bonds that last a life time.  



Love Dad

Sincere Belief 2

Please reread the Sincere Belief Dad Blog.  I will re-post it here.  Sincere belief is one of those essential life skills.  It is easy to have when things are going well.  It is much harder when things feel like they are going to hell around you.  Like any other skill that is worth a damn -  you have to continually work at keeping it at a high level.

And at the risk of being repetitive, you cannot avoid a lot of tough situations and shitty people that you find in your life from time to time.  You can kill yourself examining these things and trying to find rhyme or reason for them.  People can get stuck here and end up believing the universe is wiping its ass on your life.  Never true, the simple truth is shit happens.  If you step in dogshit, don't blame the dog, your shoe, yourself, or any cosmic forces aligning up to suck the heart out of you.  It is just dogshit.

Sincere Belief has always played an important role in my life.  It has not been luck or magic, it has been hard work, training, and the ardent belief that I am supposed to succeed because of the way I approach things.  You never stop having to use this.  It was just a couple of short years ago that I faced the prospect of a devastating job layoff.  As a firefighter I used this under some of the most demanding circumstances you can imagine.  The need to have it and use it never goes away.  I can tell you it works from a lot of hard earned experience.

And in case you are wondering mom's Sincere Belief is stronger in many ways than my own.  You just never know do you?

Here is the re-post from a couple of years ago:

Here is another bit of Dad wisdom that I want you both to keep.  I found an article in Men's Health that really explains the strong,  unwavering sincere belief both mom and I have in you. 

It explains it really well.  It is not magic, not a blind wish or hope for the best outcome by a parent or a loved one.  It is really a strong sincere belief in the best outcome happening because of who you are and the work you put into things.  By now, you both have had much more success than a lot of your peers and need to understand there is a belief that you have in yourselves that drives this success.

I predict it (so does your mom by the way, as enthusiastically as me but with grace and modesty) because we have sincere belief.  If you start to recognize the pattern of your success you are going to be stunned by how much success you have.

Sincere belief does not mean you will not step in shit, meet crappy people, have people take occasional advantage.  It sure does not exempt you from the face plant that you will do from time to time in pursuit of a desired goal.   It does mean that doing that will give you more in depth appreciation for the great people and experiences that are in front of you.

THIS IS EXCERPT FROM MH ARTICLE.




HERE'S A USEFUL EXERCISE: NAME SOME successful cynics. You can't. Look at some of the most successful people in the past 10 years: Steve Jobs, Barrack Obama, the Google guys. They're not too cynical. George Clooney, Bono, Pixar's central creative team. They're about as genuine about their lives and work as you can get. Love him or hate him, George W. Bush is no cynic. Cynics don't become presidents of the United States. They don't become top CEOs, entrepreneurs, or researchers either.

Cynics are brambles, quicksand, and snot. They ply their drug one-on-one: Come on, let's sit here and be cynical together. It feels good to stay angry, to stay in one place forever. They specialize in what a friend of mine calls "the bitch spiral," which occurs when like-minded people get together and complain with such intensity that every slight against them becomes a gigantic conspiracy. They attack the successful under the banner of hypocrisy and injustice: "The Yankees' payroll is ruining baseball!" "The Goldman Sachs bonus system is ruining society!" "My boss is ruining my life!"

Here's the thing: Whatever you do, elite performance (which is the delivery vehicle for success) requires a sincere belief -- in the cause, of course, but also in your own ability and the very system in which your performance happens. Cynicism cannot exist in the same space as sincere belief. Cynicism is not disbelief, but unbelief, a refusal.

That's why cynicism is so dangerous to the average guy. If you lose that sincere belief -- at your job, in your relationship, as a son or sibling or parent, anywhere -- you're worthless, no matter how talented you are.

AT THE RISK OF SOUNDING TOO EARNEST, let me say this: Cynicism is caused by broken hearts. Sincere belief in a company, a group, a system, or another person forces you to put something real on the line, something with deep tethers to your emotional core. If you offer that up, and you fail -- or others fail you -- your heart shatters.

Then the choice emerges. Either you fall into a fresh bitch spiral, or you do the most difficult thing any man can do: Believe once again. That means moving forward through the things that broke your heart in the first place: hypocrisy, injustice, venality. A few of the men I've spent time with for Men's Health stand out in this regard.

Derek Jeter: I'm sitting in my living room during the World Series last November, a devoted Phillies fan watching Jeter use his bat to pound nails into my beloved team's coffin. I knew the Phils were doomed, because I've been in Jeter's living room. He told me, while lounging in his easy chair, that being clutch simply means believing -- that because you've been successful in the same situation before, you will be successful again. That magnificent bastard, who works under the most cynical media microscope in sports, always believes he will get the hit. Does he always? Of course not. But his belief never wavers, and it's contagious. And I think, Why does it take the rest of us -- not to mention Cole Hamels -- so long to figure this stuff out?

Jason Kamras: This former Washington, D.C., middle-school math teacher was named 2005 National Teacher of the Year. His case really defines sincere belief for me; after all, who's riper for cynicism than a teacher? "Do I leap out of bed every morning with utter excitement? No. But I do get up every morning with a sense of purpose and passion," he told me. "If you're not doing that, then be honest with yourself. At some point we have to stop and say, 'Look, I really want to be passionate.' I don't think I've ever said, 'Gosh, it's terrible that I can't buy this beautiful house I want.' "

The businessmen: I've interviewed dozens of CEOs and other top bosses. Netflix's Reed Hastings, who has rendered Blockbuster impotent. Blake Mycoskie of Toms Shoes, who donates a pair of shoes to needy kids for every pair he sells. Jim Koch, who quit a six-figure job to brew Samuel Adams beer. These men's big ideas were met with skepticism. Each man blossomed through sincere belief.

Chuck Palahniuk: "As a writer, I felt compelled to toe the publishing line until I realized I was flushing away all my free time. I was starting to really hate writing," he told me. "It looked like just another f--king job where I was trying to please some boss. There had to be a way for writing to be fun." So he wrote Fight Club.

I've sat down with many others -- LeBron James, David Beckham, Jamie Foxx, Anderson Cooper, Aaron Eckhart, and dozens like them -- and the theme runs through the conversations like a power line. One of the great summations of their collective approach came from the actor Mark Wahlberg: "All I can do is try to point out the obvious," he told me. "If you're motivated and doing the right thing, good things are going to happen."


CYNICS HAVE AN OLD CLICHE FOR WHAT I'M talking about: drinking the Kool-Aid. Well, this particular flavor is low in sugar and high in nutrition. Sure, you can abstain out of pride, anger, fear, or insecurity. This Kool-Aid is no guarantee, after all. You can still take the wrong roads, monumentally screw up, or just plain fail with your best effort. Abandoning cynicism is just a tool.

But recently, I have chosen to drink the Kool-Aid. Trust me, it's not easy to swallow. My favorite sport is scoffing. I fight the bitterness in me every single day the way an alcoholic fights the minute-to-minute urge to chug. And yet I rely on this catalog of past encounters with successful men to keep myself oriented. I'm not saying "think positively" or "be optimistic" or some other self-help nonsense. I'm not saying I have a sincere belief in myself or my talents or the American Dream. I'm saying I have a sincere belief in sincere belief. I've seen it work too many times for it to be coincidence. Cynics are fakers. But to keep pushing yourself in the fa

Karma Courtesy

Another True Story.

I am walking up to a public bathroom and there is an older hispanic lady who is pushing the cleaning cart and heading there.  I am trying to beat her there, because I need to go and don't want to walk across the place to get to another bathroom.  I get there just ahead this other guy and I ask the lady if it is OK if I use the bathroom.  The cleaning lady is in her 60's and looks tired.  She smiles and says "Go, OK".

Me and the other guy go in.  I relieve myself at the urinal and this other frigging guy heads to the stall and proceeds to drop a monster deuce.  I wanted to kick his ass.  Making a tough job unpleasant for the sake of anyone's convenience is on my list of appalling things to do.  That she extended the courtesy to let us both in, makes it even worse. 

Old school rules apply her.  Extend basic, good courtesies to the people who have the crappy jobs that make your life more comfortable and bearable.  Aside from just being the right thing to do, it is also a Karma thing.

Cause and effect, never ever be the guy who drops a deuce that the cleaning lady will have to endure.  If you do, you will not be able to escape your turn cleaning things up in a place/room that smells like shit.

Love Dad 

Mule Creek Junction - A love story

True Story

I rode my motorcycle up to Montana and then over to South Dakota to Sturgis.   After I got about 1100 miles on the bike, someone notices my back wheel out of whack.  I ride back to the campground and find a problem that is going to require me hauling my bike home instead of riding it home.  I was relieved to be sitting in a canvass chair looking at my broken bike.  The logistics of getting it home were going to suck.  I felt lucky as hell to be sitting in that chair lamenting my luck with my friends.  It would have been catastrophic to have it break at 85 MPH on Interstate 90.  

I get home by catching a ride in an RV.  After a 2 hour turn around, Mom and I are leaving in the Jeep to pick up a rented trailer to go and get my motorcycle.  Pay particular note to what Mom does through out the rest of this story.  Of course you love her but to you she is the gatekeeper, the one who will bring up all of those pain in the ass things you want to think about later and not deal with right now.  She carries the load for all of those pain the the ass things that we all want to postpone.  I see her in a much different light than you do, there are sides to her that I hope you will see, discover, and appreciate.  Of all the things I found remarkable in her, the things that drew me to her, not a one of them had to do with Mom stuff.  That came later when you guys were born.  Back to the story.

We leave at 7PM, pulling a trailer through 5 hours of really bad weather.  I am tired and we are each driving 2 hours each.  We arrive in Sturgis at 2AM load up my bike and we are on the road at 3AM heading back home.  We used the drive time to get caught up (I had been away for a week), it was great.  We stopped at 5 AM to sleep for an hour before the last 5 hours to home.  We traveled at night to beat the heat of the high desert because the air conditioning was not working on the Jeep.

A little after 6AM, a tire blew out on the trailer hauling the bike.  No idea why the trailer did not flip - it should have.  We are 50 miles outside of Newcastle, Wyoming and pulled over to the side of the road.  There is no phone service where we are at, so I unhook the trailer.  The plan is to drive to back to Newcastle and get breakfast and call UHAUL to fix the trailer.  I unhook the trailer and turn off the Jeep.  The battery is dead and the Jeep will not start.  I put my forehead on the steering wheel and notice I am wearing two different shoes.  I look over at your mom with a pained expression and she grins - a broad genuine smile - and says no problem we will deal with it. 

I wish I had a picture of her in the middle of nowhere (actually Mule Creek Junction- not a town but what the wide spot in the road was called) walking to find the tallest point of the road where she has phone service.  UHaul was called and she got her pillow out and took a nap.  2 hours later a Sheriff stopped and we got a jump, he said he would watch the bike while we drove to get gas.  On the way back, we pass the Sheriff and he stops us and says the tow truck drive is hauling the trailer (with the bike) back to Newcastle to try to find a tire.  We drive another 50 miles back to catch up with the bike/tow truck.

Back in Newcastle, they cannot find a tire and options that are being put on the table the worse case scenario.  After a overdue breakfast 3 hours later we have my bike in a different trailer.  We are now riding back through the high dessert with no air conditioning during the hottest time of the day.  Your mom is Cool Hand Luke through the entire thing.  Not only keeping a calm head but having a tremendous sense of humor through the whole thing.  We laughed our way through hell, never once losing sight of what was important on that trip.

I am superb when things go to hell.  I am the guy you want standing next to you when you face a challenge, hurdle, or a crisis.  Because we will always find a way to manage it and get to the desired result.

If all hell was breaking loose and I could have a pick of all the firefighters I have known to help get me through.  I would pass and pick mom.

Remember, things and people are not always what they seem to be.   For most people, there is a depth that may exist below the surface.  I have known your mom for 25 years.  Having seen the side of her that takes risk, the easy going way she takes on stuff that other people cannot or will not do, and courage that rivals anything I have seen in the FD, I appreciate her quiet, unassuming grace all the more.

Love Dad