You are at a time in your life when a lot of well meaning people will tell you what constitutes success in the area's of:
-Jobs
-Career
-Relationships
-Continuing Education
-Where you live
-Who you live with
Is is really as simple as doing what you love and doing the things that matter the most to you.
The best possible outcome is that what you love and what matters to the most to you will grow and evolve as you learn more about everyone and everything around you. That is a well lived life.
Love Dad
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Big Feet
This is one that I have been meaning to write for some time.
In the FD, you never could determine ahead of time what kind of things would stick with you and which ones would not. I have seen a wide variety of things and people in disrepair and I have yet to determine why some have faded from my memory and why some have not.
It is not what you would think. I have seen graphic traumatic injuries, impossible to describe here that did not linger in my memory. Some have, but it is a very small percentage. It is the everyday things in circumstances that are so far removed from everyday and normal that tend to stick. When it rains and the pavement has been hot, I always seem to remember the young kid with big feet that died in an accident on Fathers Day. You were little and I got home that morning before you woke up and just managed to get in bed before you woke up. When you were running in with badly wrapped presents and busting out with smiles, I was having one of the best mornings of my life. In another world, the Dad of the kid with the big feet was having the worst morning of his life.
On days like that you have to make a conscious effort to not carry a weight that you are not supposed to carry. And like a lot of things, those things that are of great impact to you, the whole thing may not really translate well to people that are outside your particular line of work. This also extends to the people to the people who love you the most. Somethings that impact you simply will not translate because other people cannot (despite their best efforts ) walk a mile in your shoes.
This is a life lesson that applies to both of you. There are events in your lives that will impact you to a large degree, things that will move and hurt your heart. And despite our best efforts we will remain unaware of the impact to you. And you certainly know how much you are loved. Some things will escape even your significant other and it is not for a lack of love or trying. They are weights that you have to make conscious efforts not to carry. They will get lighter because you will talk to people who understand what it is to be in your shoes and it might not be the people who love you the most. Talking about them deflates those big things to manageable bites of color that give you depth of character. Never ignore them or suck it up and try to ride it out. Embrace and deal with them, they will give you strength and character.
Never did tell mom the whole story of the kid with the big feet on Fathers Day. Even now it does not translate well. I don't carry the weight of the kid with big feet but I have not forgotten him. He is part of my strength and character. If you need to carry weight, they should be round black disks connected to a silver bar in a gym.
Don't forget to call mom for no reason whatsoever.
Love Dad
In the FD, you never could determine ahead of time what kind of things would stick with you and which ones would not. I have seen a wide variety of things and people in disrepair and I have yet to determine why some have faded from my memory and why some have not.
It is not what you would think. I have seen graphic traumatic injuries, impossible to describe here that did not linger in my memory. Some have, but it is a very small percentage. It is the everyday things in circumstances that are so far removed from everyday and normal that tend to stick. When it rains and the pavement has been hot, I always seem to remember the young kid with big feet that died in an accident on Fathers Day. You were little and I got home that morning before you woke up and just managed to get in bed before you woke up. When you were running in with badly wrapped presents and busting out with smiles, I was having one of the best mornings of my life. In another world, the Dad of the kid with the big feet was having the worst morning of his life.
On days like that you have to make a conscious effort to not carry a weight that you are not supposed to carry. And like a lot of things, those things that are of great impact to you, the whole thing may not really translate well to people that are outside your particular line of work. This also extends to the people to the people who love you the most. Somethings that impact you simply will not translate because other people cannot (despite their best efforts ) walk a mile in your shoes.
This is a life lesson that applies to both of you. There are events in your lives that will impact you to a large degree, things that will move and hurt your heart. And despite our best efforts we will remain unaware of the impact to you. And you certainly know how much you are loved. Some things will escape even your significant other and it is not for a lack of love or trying. They are weights that you have to make conscious efforts not to carry. They will get lighter because you will talk to people who understand what it is to be in your shoes and it might not be the people who love you the most. Talking about them deflates those big things to manageable bites of color that give you depth of character. Never ignore them or suck it up and try to ride it out. Embrace and deal with them, they will give you strength and character.
Never did tell mom the whole story of the kid with the big feet on Fathers Day. Even now it does not translate well. I don't carry the weight of the kid with big feet but I have not forgotten him. He is part of my strength and character. If you need to carry weight, they should be round black disks connected to a silver bar in a gym.
Don't forget to call mom for no reason whatsoever.
Love Dad
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Abhorrent Behavior
I went to a class in the FD about workplace violence. In almost every case, the people who worked closely with or knew the person (who committed the crime - the bad guy) said they could not believe that person was capable of doing such horrible things.
When they interviewed these people in depth, a different picture emerged. The bad guy that everyone thought was harmless, had a series of escalating behaviors that people just disregarded. The bad guy would make what people thought were harmless threats and people laughed at him. They just said oh that is just him/her don't pay attention. The bad guy would be at work at weird times (very early and late) and he started to dress strangely (a winter coat in the middle of summer). He was the weird guy at work. There is one in almost every workplace.
This is real story. It turns out the guy started toying with the idea of hurting or killing his co workers. His escalating behavior was his way of testing the waters. The last thing he did before actually shooting people was some test runs of bringing guns to work and seeing if he would get caught (winter coat in middle of summer). He shot 4 people at his office.
The truth of things is that we all accept abhorrent behavior from people. How do you get used to or accept abhorrent behavior? The answer is so simple it is painful. Simple repetition works all of the time. People who abuse drugs or alcohol are adept at getting anyone to accept truly abhorrent behavior. It is incremental, the person who throws up, passes out, has blackouts, or does really crappy, offensive things while under the influence does it repeatedly. It gets incrementally worse and it gets harder to see that the more you are around it. The worst part is that anyone can come to accept that as part of who the person is. It stops being abhorrent and it just becomes a pain in the ass. It is part of who they are. It should NEVER stop being abhorrent. Trust the voice in your head that tells you how abhorrent it is.
There are people in my life that I have had to walk away from. You simply cannot threaten, cajole, or convince a hard core drug or alcohol user to stop. Hard core users need reasons to stop that come from inside of themselves and they need the help of a professional. You cannot stop or slow the decline for them. You simply become a witness to a tragedy. These people need a tragedy and they will always find someone to witness their self destruction. For reasons I will never understand, people who are self destructive need people to witness them doing it.
So what do you do? You walk away and you don't look back. And another hard truth is that while you are feeling crappy for doing that, they will be plugging someone else into your spot. They will not feel bad at all, they will find another person to fill that need for a tragedy witness.
Some bridges need to be burned, so that person does not have the ability to follow you and suck more life out of you. Give your life and love to the people who want to give the same to you. These bottom feeders need you for a reason that has nothing to do with life or love.
Love Dad
When they interviewed these people in depth, a different picture emerged. The bad guy that everyone thought was harmless, had a series of escalating behaviors that people just disregarded. The bad guy would make what people thought were harmless threats and people laughed at him. They just said oh that is just him/her don't pay attention. The bad guy would be at work at weird times (very early and late) and he started to dress strangely (a winter coat in the middle of summer). He was the weird guy at work. There is one in almost every workplace.
This is real story. It turns out the guy started toying with the idea of hurting or killing his co workers. His escalating behavior was his way of testing the waters. The last thing he did before actually shooting people was some test runs of bringing guns to work and seeing if he would get caught (winter coat in middle of summer). He shot 4 people at his office.
The truth of things is that we all accept abhorrent behavior from people. How do you get used to or accept abhorrent behavior? The answer is so simple it is painful. Simple repetition works all of the time. People who abuse drugs or alcohol are adept at getting anyone to accept truly abhorrent behavior. It is incremental, the person who throws up, passes out, has blackouts, or does really crappy, offensive things while under the influence does it repeatedly. It gets incrementally worse and it gets harder to see that the more you are around it. The worst part is that anyone can come to accept that as part of who the person is. It stops being abhorrent and it just becomes a pain in the ass. It is part of who they are. It should NEVER stop being abhorrent. Trust the voice in your head that tells you how abhorrent it is.
There are people in my life that I have had to walk away from. You simply cannot threaten, cajole, or convince a hard core drug or alcohol user to stop. Hard core users need reasons to stop that come from inside of themselves and they need the help of a professional. You cannot stop or slow the decline for them. You simply become a witness to a tragedy. These people need a tragedy and they will always find someone to witness their self destruction. For reasons I will never understand, people who are self destructive need people to witness them doing it.
So what do you do? You walk away and you don't look back. And another hard truth is that while you are feeling crappy for doing that, they will be plugging someone else into your spot. They will not feel bad at all, they will find another person to fill that need for a tragedy witness.
Some bridges need to be burned, so that person does not have the ability to follow you and suck more life out of you. Give your life and love to the people who want to give the same to you. These bottom feeders need you for a reason that has nothing to do with life or love.
Love Dad
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)