Leaving

When the ship leaves port and disappears over the horizon, those left on the dock watch it disappear and lament it leaving.  Watching it leave is tinged with sadness and regret.  For the ship that is leaving, this is outstanding, because the need to be missed is as strong as the need to be wanted.

The same ship appears on the opposite horizon and there are people waiting expectantly on that dock.  For the arriving ship this is just as outstanding as leaving because the need to be wanted is as strong as the need to be missed.

Watching things leave and waiting for them to arrive will always make your heart ache more than it ever should.  In everyone's life it is unavoidable.  Part of life is watching things leave and waiting for other things to arrive.   You have to resolve to balance the time being a sailing ship and the time waiting on the dock.   Like almost everything else, too much of one and not enough of the other never works well.  Resolve time to spend more time as the sailing ship and a little less on the dock.

Never equate travel with distance, they are not the same thing.

Love Dad....

In God We Trust

Someone sent me this today:

 

"When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you trust God to do what's best, and wait on His time, sooner or later, you will get it or something better."

This is well meaning but terribly misguided.  While it is true that God is always at your side, he has a well developed sense of humor.  He is like the friend who will draw a penis on your face with a sharpie when you are passed out.  Like that good friend of yours, he cares enough about you to let you know what a dumb ass you have been.  

God expects you to not be a dumb ass.  He has given you this remarkable gift of skills and individuality that is uniquely you.  You get what you want or something better by finally utilizing all of gifts you have received from him.   Free will really means you can elect to not recognize all of these unique gifts and beseech him to receive the gifts you already have.   

Never forget to thank God for all of your gifts and for the wisdom to use them.  Everything that is worth a damn starts with the recognition of that.

Love Dad

4 Mile

When I give you all of this great advice, I want you to understand I am living it right along with you.  I am not doing this from my armchair.  In fact this Saturday, I was doing it in a park in North Boulder.  As part of my training plan for a 9 mile obstacle race in June called the Tough Mudder, I have been doing a series of training runs/activities.

Saturday was a 4 mile trail run in January.  The only people who run in January are people who competitive runners in clubs.  There were 131 male gazelles signed up for the race on that cold morning.  Completing the field of 134 runners were Chris, Christopher and myself. 

I killed at that run that morning.  I ran a personal best of 11.10 per mile for all 4 miles.  It is still fresh in my mind today and I cannot keep from smiling.  All of the training is starting to pay off.

For some wider perspective...the order of finish of the training team.
130th place - Christopher with a time of 41:55
131st place - ME!! with a personnel best of 45.11
132nd place - Chris with a time 47:51

I placed 11th (out of a field of 11) in age 50 -54 class.  The winning time in my class was about 23:09.

There was not doubt that I killed at that race.  See it was about me running in the race and pressing beyond what I believed I could do.  I know from hard earned experience that the first steps are the most important and it is all about what you do and not what other people do and have done.  It is about me being in the race and not being a spectator on that cold January morning. 

Nothing will every beat actually being in the race.  The hardest person I will ever race is myself.  And on Saturday, I WON.  I would expect in the following months you will see times start to spiral down as I get better.  I always expect to get better and first steps are always a point of celebration.

So if you are taking any first steps...celebrate that you are in the race.  That is always going to be easier on your heart and soul.  Watching the race will always suck.

Love Dad

Breaking Up

Breaking up will always suck.  You will end up riding this really crappy roller coaster of be glad you are out and missing the hell out of the person you just broke up with.  

It is not easy for anyone regardless of age or life experience.  If it easy, then something is broken with you.  But, there are things that you need to do to move on.

It is natural to remember all the great things about that person and forget some of the pain in the ass things.  You should remember the person with the good and bad.  No one person is a complete piece or shit or a saint.  Like the rest of us mortals, they fall somewhere in between.  Most people you are involved with will show you something about yourself that is important.  Again, you should remember the bad and the good things you found in yourself when you were with the person.  I have said this before but god bless every woman before mom for not working out.

Nothing is worse than having sudden large gaps in your life.  You have to take a hard look at those gaps and start to fill them up with routine things.  As hokey as it sounds, regular exercise programs, healthy diet (might be the time to learn a new skill - cooking), and routine meetings and get together's help a great deal.  If you don't have them in your life, now is a great time to put them there.  Most important endeavors are helped along with the love and care of family and friends.  You have these in great abundance. 

The pain starts to ease when you talk about it bit by bit and look at it for what it is - Stockholm Paradox.  You must retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties.  AND at the same time…You must confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.  Combine your sincere belief with brutal honesty and a strong willingness to take action.  Cannot emphasize that enough..you have to have a STRONG willingness to take the action to change

It very much like the lid of a pressure cooker.  Never take the lid off quickly (you will bet burned) or wait until it builds up so badly it becomes dangerous.  You cannot remove pain with any amount of liquor or drugs, it postpones it and adds incrementally to the pain.  Again, you have the love of family and friends who are all queued up to help you.  Let them know how they can help, you will find a willingness there that is going to surprise and flatter you.

Last but certainly not least.  At the end of all of your good days and bad ones you are going to have to be able to look everyone in the eye.  Remember the hard and fast rule.  You have to get your ass kicked every 24 period for it to stay kicked.  Never make the mistake of kicking your own ass.  Make someone or something kick it every frigging day and stand up and dare the world to kick your ass.

Love Dad

Impatient

I have always been really impatient with myself.  I have learned (not entirely because I still slip) to extend to myself the courtesy that I extend to others. 

I remember feeling like a race car with square wheels.  Big friggin engine and the harder I pressed on the gas the rougher the ride.  I did figure out (much later than I am prepared to admit) that the square wheels were just flat tires that I refused to change.

Great things and people would happen to me.  I would be rolling along and then I would hit the bump in the road and slow down or come to a stop.  Imagine yourself sitting in a car with a flat, frustrated as hell that you were moving slower.  Pressing the gas will continue to move you forward but the ride and the forward progress is just going to suck.

So I learned to stop and get out and look.  I learned to look at the road ahead and be less concerned about the speed that I was traveling down it.  If I had not done this, I would have missed important forks in the road.  I would have missed traveling down the road I am traveling now.

So I am deeply grateful for the flat tires (the careers- the women- the places ) that did not work out like I wanted them to.  They led me to my life and love now.

If you have that flat tire...don't keep pressing on the frigging gas pedal.  Stop get out and look at the road ahead.

Sincere Belief has nothing what so ever to do with speed.   It really is the journey.

Important life lesson here.

Forgive yourself first and others will be eager to Forgive you.
Believe in yourself first and others will be eager to Believe in you.
Trust in yourself first and others will be eager to Trust in you.
Be Patient with yourself first and others will be eager to be Patient with you.

Love Dad

Stockdale Paradox - Life Lesson

Admiral James Stockdale was the highest ranking POW in the Vietnam War, he was held for 8 years and tortured brutally over 20 times.  When he was asked which kind of prisoners perished in Vietnam, he said that is easy, it was the optimists.  These were the prisoners who said they would be out by Christmas or Thanksgiving and those days would come and go and eventually enough milestones passed that they lost that essential faith needed to survive and die.  The optimists failed to confront the the reality of their situation and when they were forced to do so it simply became too much for them.

Stockdale accepted the reality of the situation.  He knew he was in hell but rather than failing to confront the reality of the situation he accepted it.  He stepped up and did everything he could do to lift the morale and prolong the lives of fellow prisoners.  He developed communication and milestones that help them communicate and survive.    Here is the Stockdale Paradox:

You must retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties.
AND at the same time…
You must confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

Here is the take away for you.  YOU MUST COMBINE OPTIMISM (SINCERE BELIEF) WITH BRUTAL HONESTY AND A STRONG WILLINGNESS TO TAKE ACTION.

James Stockdale quote "I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.”

Very important life lesson here.  Face any trial you have head on and make them defining moments in your life.  Bloody but unbowed.

Kick Ass - Love Dad

Today

Give it hell today.  The only way a day becomes routine, regular, or mundane is if you make it that way.  People will always pick up on and take the lead from how you walk into a room.

If you are in a room with a bunch of turds, the first and most important self check is to make sure you are not the turd in the room you are turning you nose up at.

Great things and people will not force themselves on people who are not open to them.  Sometimes that is as simple as a smile.  The last person in your life of note did not find you because you were slogging through a day.  They found you because one of those great things about who you are was coming through to them.

So if a day sucks, first make sure you are not the one sucking.  If it is not you sucking then stop hanging out with people who are being crappy.

The next great person in your life is waiting on you to see them. 

Give it hell today, don't waste a first day ever.

Love Dad